Looking for advice

Anonymous600

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LegacyUser

Hi
I was in the same situation. You get so used to being emotionally blackmailed and bullied that you start to believe that you are a small helpless slavish being who is incapable of living by themselves, never mind the two kids.
You need to get away from this.
This is all just words, he is never going to have full custody. The judges are no idiots, they are highly educated, clever people who know what goes on. It is in the children's best interest to be with their mother unless you have a problem with either drink or drugs and he can prove it.
Also the chances are he is just saying this to keep you. This was the case with my eh-husband, he was saying awful things about his intentions to take the child away from me, but once we separated he cares very little for the child. He visits him once a week at best, for a couple of hours. He gets too tired of running after him and entertaining him.

So: move away as soon as you can. Communicate via emails or texts so there is evidence of the blackmail. Be short in your replies and make it clear that you only want contact to arrange time + days for the visits. Do not respond to abuse (it will be in written form too, remember no phone calls, there is no need for that - he is not your friend). But there will always be evidence of abusive messages should this escalate and should you have to bring him to court.


I hope it all works out for you. There is no shame in being a single parent. It is tough, but once you make your decision don't give in and don't go back on your word.

LegacyUser

also why would you move 15 minutes away? If you move, move somewhere where you will have emotional support. If you move but stay close to him you may well be unable to cope by yourself. What happens if you fall sick and can't look after the kids? You'll have to contact their father to help you mind them. Avoid this by moving somewhere where there is someone to help you and who cares about you. You will still be just as lonesome if you move just 15 minutes away, you'll be contacting him as the loneliness is tough to deal with and you'll be thinking sure we've two kids together he is not a complete stranger....
Don't do this if you are absolutely sure you want to have nothing to do with the man. I am not saying he is to have no contact with the kids. but certainly no need to be having contact with you.

JustAThought

You fell out with him a long time ago but since proceeded to create two babies with him? With that kind of logic its hard to support any proposed 'good' solution you mention.

Tigger99

I think the above comment was unnecessary and mean-spirited.

Alamnah how would moving 15 mins help? You'll still be without a support structure. Is it that at least you won't be in the same house as your ex? Because that I can understand. Especially if he's bring so controlling. Look at the best of times it doesn't sound like he was good for you, never mind now when he'll telling you you can't cope. Absolutely move out, it'll give you some headspace.

Or could you move closer to home and have him come visit? You need support, especially now.

Tigger99

And if you feel unsafe could you ask a friend to help you move? You mention that he won't negotiate, that he wants full custody, well that's for the court to decide. You need to bring your babies to a place you feel safe and supported.