Completely alone in the world

LegacyUser

I just don't know what to do anymore. There is absolutely no-one in the entire world who cares about me (or even knows that I exist). I am 42 years old, parents are dead, I had a sister but we are estranged from each other and she lives abroad.

I have no friends and spend my days alone. For years, I thought that things would get better but I am coming to the realisation that they won't. I am at an age now where everyone has their families to look after and the years where I should have been making friends have long gone.

It feels like I am the only person in the world who has no-one. Nobody is my next of kin and I don't know what will become of me ultimately. Is there anyone else like me, how do you cope with the loneliness?

racso1975

Trust me those years are not gone. They are only gone if you let them be gone. There are loads of ways for you to meet new people. Look at courses or groups in your area you'd like to do or join. Take a look at meetup.com and see what's in the area. I know how difficult it is to take the first step but it really is better then the other option of continuing down the road you are on.

I would also say you have not had a sister. I obviously do not know what went on the cause the strain but maybe it might be possible to bury the grudge and move on. Being abroad means you can Skype her etc and even go on a visit there. These are things to look forward too.

Best of luck and if you need anymore advise or info just post. Remember we are hardly ever as lonely as we feel during the bad times. Take care.

Noddyholder

Hi op, Is there not some sort of social meetings near you where you can participate in the ?, Or what are your hobbies ? There is others out there who will have similar interests, social media, walking clubs, etc. You are not alone but you do have to put yourself out there, even slightly, And as post above says a text or Skype to your sister might not do no harm either.

Rachiee

Humans are social animals OP its not healthy to have no friends i think you really need to take the plunge and go out and meet people. Meetup.com is great for finding people to hang out with it can be difficult to make friends in but not impossible but even some social interaction is better than none.
Not sure of yoyr sex if youre a man men sheds are a great way to make friends. Other options are chess clubs, walking groups, language exchange, musical theatre societies, choirs find a couple of things that interest you and take the plunge no matter how hard it is. It will pay off in the end.

red ears

42 isn't old, could you join a golf club or some other club or even a charity.

Airyfairy12

You have to put yourself out there, check facebook for social meetups that take place in your town, join some art/dance/yoga classes, get some counselling, group therapy might be good for you, you could go back to college as a mature student and study something you find interesting or do an evening course.

I dont know where you live or what your finances are like but could you possibly move to a city? Towns and rural areas in Ireland are mostly forgotten and nothing ever really happens, limiting your opportunities to get out there and meet people.
From my experience of living in small towns and rural areas theyre incredibly lonely places unless youre close with the locals and they can often be cliquey or judgmental if youre in anyway a little bit different.
Applying to volunteer opportunities lead no where as youre handed a bucket and told to stand out in the rain collecting money.
Meetup/girlcrew and the like only operate in or around cities, even adequate mental health care is scarce in towns. You know nobody where you are anyway so youve got nothing to lose by moving somewhere else.

If you are near a city then you need to take advantage of that, youve got so many social outlets available to you, friends wont come suddenly knocking on your door, you have to put some work in to meet people. If youre in a city connect with girlcrew on facebook,they have another group for over 40's I think. Get on meetup.ie and also avail of the mental health services around you so you can work through any problems you have with socialising.I suggested group therapy because you will be around people in similare circumstances and you will support one another but individual councelling would be beneficial too I think so you can work on your self esteem and other problems you have which might prevent you from connecting with people.
A city will offer way more in terms of hands on volunteer work but if youre in a town id seek advice about this anyway, it will get you out and around people and a reason to leave the house.
Pets are amazing company, id strongly advise a mix of cats and dogs, they really can be like a best friend.

Can you reconnect with your sister? maybe call her or send her a mail? It could be that you isolate yourself and maybe people feel like you dont want to be contacted. You need to reach out.

Dr Crayfish

Hi OP. I feel for you, it can't be easy. You're young enough still, I am 36 but have friends your age and they don't seem older or different at all to me. We still go out and have a great time.
Are you interested in meeting women? You should try Tinder etc if that's the case. There's nothing stopping you having a healthy social life right now, you just need to make an effort.
Have you friends at work? Do you have any interests? Do you think you might be depressed?

Daisy78

Rarely in this life does something land in your lap without having to put in some effort to achieve it. If you wanted to get a job you would need to send out cv,s and sit interviews, if you want a relationship then you need to start dating. It's the same with building friendships, once you get past the school/college going age you need to be more proactive in getting out there and meeting people. With the best of intentions people tend to settle into a routine once they get into a long term relationships and start having children, their focus is elsewhere which is why you need to broaden your horizons and not overly rely on them. A bit more information about yourself might inform the responses here, are you male or female? Are you based in a rural area, small town or city? What are your interests? Would you be willing to move to another area which might offer more opportunities? What are your hobbies? Are you looking for a relationship or is your focus on broadening your social circle and building platonic relationships?

You are not alone in feeling the way you do but to overcome the situation you need to get out into the world and start interacting with people as the first step. You won't build a friendship or form a bond with every person you meet but the more activities/hobbies/ social groups the more likely it is that you will meet people you click with. As somone else mentioned, Meetup and Girlcrew might to good places to start.

Xterminator

Hi OP

meetups etc are a good suggestion.

However i would also recommend you check out your local parish (or whatever religion you were gifted at birth) and look for events you can volunteer for. I am personally not bothered by organised religion but i have found 1st hand that they can be very welcoming and seem very happy with anyone who gives out their time to help. someone close to me spent 5 years as part of the church cleaning crew, and they had great crack, had christmas parties, and they were genuinely valued by the local community they served in. At the end there were lasting friendships made.

but as the last poster said a group of friends are probably not going to drop into your lap. You will have to take the lead on this, and you may feel uncomfortable at first, but by taking that leap of faith, and perhaps making yourself vulnerable to strangers, that is how you can get more meaningful social interactions in your life.

loup

Hi op have you any extended family you can hook up with? Cousins, aunts uncles etc? Agree with trying to make up with your sister, has she got a family where she is? Volunteering is a brilliant way to meet new friends x

sadie06

Hi Op,

How are you feeling?

Would you consider reaching out to your sister and trying to rekindle the relationship?

Are you working? How do you fill your evening? Would you consider joining a community choir? It's a fantastic way to meet people of all ages, adds structure to your week and you also get all the health benefits of communal singing. No experience required to join a community choir.

Walking groups are also great, and tend to meet at weekends. You are young and have a lot of freedom to explore new pursuits. Hope is a wonderful thing so please don't lose sight of it!

LegacyUser

Thank you everyone who posted, I'm sorry it has taken me this long to respond. To answer a few questions I am female and I do work. Unfortunately, everyone I work with has their own lives and families to take care of and they are not interested in socialising outside of work, which is understandable. I am at an age where other people my age have moved on with their lives and have their own problems to deal with. Most women my age have their children to take care of and that is mainly what they talk about. I can’t relate as I don’t have children and I understand that they would prefer to chat with other women like them.

My relationship with my sister is dead and I would like to keep it that way. We haven't spoken in many years and that's the way it will stay. There is too much bad blood there to ever reconcile.

I have used meet up before but it felt very awkward. It felt like everyone else already knew each other and I was intruding. It was probably my imagination but I felt really uncomfortable. I think my social skills are extremely bad from spending so many years alone. I never really was good at making friends when I was a child so it is even harder to do as an adult.

I keep saying I will try meet up again but I put it off because it feels like it is my last hope and if it goes bad again I will have used up my only option and will have to face the reality that I am a lost cause and destined to spend the rest of my life alone.

I don't think I am depressed, I think I am very lonely and I don't want to cause myself anymore sadness by being rejected, so I stay as I am. I know that I am the only person who can help me but it is really hard to show other people how vulnerable you are when you are so alone.

Thanks again to everyone who posted a reply.

dd972

Whatnow1001 wrote: »

I just don't know what to do anymore. There is absolutely no-one in the entire world who cares about me (or even knows that I exist). I am 42 years old, parents are dead, I had a sister but we are estranged from each other and she lives abroad.

I have no friends and spend my days alone. For years, I thought that things would get better but I am coming to the realisation that they won't. I am at an age now where everyone has their families to look after and the years where I should have been making friends have long gone.

It feels like I am the only person in the world who has no-one. Nobody is my next of kin and I don't know what will become of me ultimately. Is there anyone else like me, how do you cope with the loneliness?

Pretty much in the same boat, how these people play God with their lives and end up married at 28, two kids at 32 and three steps up the property ladder at 40 is beyond me, giving up caring is liberating though, you must be into something hobby wise, just bury yourself in that, plus stop thinking about the future, you've made it to 42 and can only live in the minute you're in, what about 8 year olds who die of Leukemia or kids in the third world who don't see their 5th birthday?

LegacyUser

The difficulty you have with colleagues not having common ground or any interest in socialising is probably best addressed by realising they don't have to and you are wasting your time trying to generate common interests and trying to socialise with them, ultimately it's far easier to go and find people who you do have something in common with and who are interested in socialising.

The meetups are potentially a great thing, but depending on the setting they are artificial and difficult to manage if you're not somewhat skilled. I think people in your position are much better off trying out activities, even ones they're pretty sure they won't like. It's hard to stand in a room with strangers and start talking, it's much easier to chance your arm at a book club, karate dojo, cinema club, hillwalking group...eh...whatever, because you automatically have common ground, even if it's only temporary. You'll find beginners you can share the experience with and experts who love to waffle about their stamp collection/birdspotting/football team who will think you're a great listener and the conversational pressure will be off you. You may end up hating the activity, but you'll have that to talk about during the next outing to an art gallery/museum/sex club and you'll have polished your social skills a little more. There's no magic bullet for this, except the one you have to bite before getting along to something and seeing what happens.

You'll probably also find your colleagues change their tune and can't wait to talk to you when they hear what you're doing. "Eh, yer wan, went hot air ballooning over wine country in the nip, she's deadly".

Lux23

I think you have to focus less on making connections with people and more on filling your days. If you go along to a Meetup event with hopes of meeting lots of people you are bound to be disappointed and you're putting pressure on yourself to act a certain way. How about instead you go along with the intention of entertaining yourself for the evening/afternoon? Act a bit like everyone is auditioning to be your friend and you're in control because these days you are in control - there are lots of options to meet people and you don't have to stay isolated.

eviltwin

Meetup is great but you still have to make an effort. You won't make friends overnight, it takes time to build connections so you have to be consistent.

If you feel your social skills are lacking there are many meet ups dedicated to people who are shy, introverted, socially anxious etc

Don't give up xx