4 year old doesnt wasnt to stay in bedroom alone

peteb2

Well technically he's 3 weeks shy of 4 but I wasnt going to but that in the subject line.

He's never been the greatest sleeper. Allegedly that is down to me and giving in to him over the year in terms of going in to him when he cried and sleeping on the floor for a bit!:o

Anyway he's really stepped it up as of late. You can tell him before bed that it would be great if he'd stay in his bed all night. And he says he will. But then night comes and he'll be out of the bed and in to our room 5 or 6 times a night. Putting him back in and him settling for 5 mins and then he can be back again 10 mins later. Or sometimes an hour.

When its talked about he says he doesnt want to stay alone in his bedroom. We also have a two week old so having four in the room just aint an option!

And its not just here, even in the grandparents he'd be out of his own room and into their bed.

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. we tried a reward chart. it worked for one night!

Pawwed Rig

Set up a bed in his room and move in there when he wakes up. He will at least be spending the night in his own bed.

Is the environment too warm for him? Our little lad needs it to be pretty cool in his room for him to sleep properly.
Is the air dry making him thirsty?

Rubberchikken

you might need to be persistent with the reward chart. i realise it's tough when it's actually happening and it can seem like forever before it will stop and he'll be happy in his own room himself, but it will come:)

do you read to/with him? have you tried to find out why he keeps coming out? with a nearly 4 yo it could be any reason under the sun, and not always the more reasonable one:)
he may just really love company and tbh that's understandable at that age. sorry to have nothing concrete to advise. best of luck

Stone Deaf 4evr

we're literally on the edge of getting through this with both of ours (6yrs and 3.5). it took a long week of just getting out of bed when they came into our room and carrying them back to their bed.

There was crying for the first night or two, but the visits are less frequent now, and I think we've turned a corner on it.
Realistically, we only had ourselves to blame, as it was laziness on our part to allow them hop in with us in the first place rather than setting good sleepign habits to begin with.

We also made the mistake of staying in the room with them whilst they were dropping off to sleep - this took significantly longer to get over as they'd stay awake for hours without someone to tell them to close their eyes and go to sleep - which led to many cranky mornings going out to school.

Still, you live and learn i suppose.

LegacyUser

He's not ready to sleep on his own in his own room, simple as that.

The more you push it now, the less he will move in the future. Children need reassurance, certainties. They do things at their own speed, when they are ready.

He's not ready.

peteb2

Pawwed Rig wrote:

Set up a bed in his room and move in there when he wakes up. He will at least be spending the night in his own bed.

Wife wouldn't be a great fan of this approach. Probably as she feels he is getting hid way. And also appreciates help with baby.

Pawwed Rig wrote:

Is the environment too warm for him? Our little lad needs it to be pretty cool in his room for him to sleep properly. Is the air dry making him thirsty?

He,d throw off the duvet over the years a bit. But his room would be the cooler of all rooms for some reason. It's never water he looks for.

peteb2

Rubberchikken wrote:

do you read to/with him? have you tried to find out why he keeps coming out? with a nearly 4 yo it could be any reason under the sun, and not always the more reasonable one he may just really love company and tbh that's understandable at that age. sorry to have nothing concrete to advise. best of luck

Yeah i read to him every night.

I've asked him why and he says he doesn't want to be by himself in his room. In the last two days he has also said that it was the shadows so moved lights and got rid of that. Last night it was a toy with a head that looked at him. That went out. Still no joy.

average_runner

Reward chart and a glo clock. Works for our 4 years old.

peteb2

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote:

we're literally on the edge of getting through this with both of ours (6yrs and 3.5). it took a long week of just getting out of bed when they came into our room and carrying them back to their bed.

Problem with this presently is the new born and wife with a lack of sleep and trying to have them not woken with the tantrum. So it's a hard line to balance.

Stone Deaf 4evr

peteb2 wrote: »

Problem with this presently is the new born and wife with a lack of sleep and trying to have them not woken with the tantrum. So it's a hard line to balance.

tell me about it chief, our 2nd had acid reflux which kept us up all hours.

I'd always advise people to just do what works for you, if ye all have to sleep in the one bed so everyone gets some semblance of sleep to function normally, then do it. your head will be melted from people with 'perfect' kids who slept through then night, in their own bed, whilst listening to beethoven from the day they were born, but those people are a shower of bluffers.

The only reason we're doing now ourselves, is because the youngest is well out of the woods with the reflux thing, and she sleeps soundly enough that any tantrum isn't going to wake her.

one tip though - which we did - ask your nipper if theres anything they'd like to do to their roof. We got our eldest a load of sticky, glow in the dark stars and put them on the ceiling, we also let her rearrange the furniture in a way she likes it, and made a big deal of it beign 'her' room - no small sisters allowed! and shes taken a bit of pride in it now.

heldel00

Have no idea if this works longterm but Google "The sleep fairy". A child brought this in to show me the story at school and was delighted with herself. It was basically a personalised story that Mammy had typed on a4 paper with clip art pictures of the fairy.
It seems to be along the lines of a visit from the tooth fairy and every night that the child stays in their own room they have a present under the pillow the next morning - a numnum in this case.

Pawwed Rig

peteb2 wrote: »

Wife wouldn't be a great fan of this approach. Probably as she feels he is getting hid way. And also appreciates help with baby. .

What is wrong with him getting his way?

Stone Deaf 4evr

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

What is wrong with him getting his way?

Hid away, as in 'hidden'

peteb2

Pawwed Rig wrote:

What is wrong with him getting his way?

Because giving him his way is what got us to this point. It's a want and not a need I guess.

peteb2

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote:

Hid away, as in 'hidden'

Nope. Typo. Should have been his.

What about leaving the door partly open but blocked at the lower level, the idea is that he can see in to the bedroom and see you and be reassured that you are there and safe, but cant come in to the room.

Neyite

It could be that the new baby is also disruptive to his routine. There is a brand new baby getting lots of cuddles and affection and the rest of you are all in the same room leaving him out of all the 'fun'- I'm trying to apply a 4yo's logic here!

At this age they still love snuggling and very often if my 4yo isn't sneaking into our bed he's yelling for one of us to stay in his with him. He loves sleeping beside someone so feels that it's very unfair he's got to go into bed by himself while me and daddy get to share with each other. So we just go with it for now. We don't have a newborn though. I'd imagine if we did, he'd be a bit jealous of him/her.

shesty

I'd agree with Neyite - baby, mammy and daddy are all in the one room, why can't he be? (that's probably where he's coming from ) Two weeks in to baby no. 2 and he's been the only one for 4 years? That's a major adjustment. Ours was 22 months when no.2 arrived and it took a good 2 months before things settled a bit.

It's up to you OP - do you feel you could cope with them all in the room with you? You can put the foot down and have the tantrums....for what it's worth, doing it now while the baba is still tiny and all over the place anyway is better than doing it in 4 month's time when they are in a routine and waking them at night is more likely to have a bigger knock-on effect in the daytime. Some great suggestions here about how to help him , love the stars, fairy idea etc.Or you could see if there are any books out there that could address this either.

I definitely think a week of holding firm and bringing him back to his bed would go a long way, but how much energy do you have right now?!!

bp

We had this too and half rolled with it - she came in and stayed for a while then post bf I went into her bed with her for a while so she got mammy time too. Especially at weekends when daddy was home to help

Big Bag of Chips

He's 4. He's still only a baby himself. My children are older now, but when they were smaller one was particularly bad to stay in his own bed. I spent probably 6 months either sleeping in with him (in a double bed) or bed hopping. He'd get into ours, I'd go and get into his. Just to get a nights sleep.

He's 8 now and shares a room with his brother. He's still not too keen on sleeping alone. But that's fine. He's 8!! I remember occasionally being uneasy in my own room even into teenage years when I'd imagine noises outside my window. I didn't get into my parents bed at that stage... And now I'm fine!!

He's 4. A baby. And a little bit put out that someone else has come along and is blatantly elbowing him out! It's a phase, and it will pass. But nothing wrong with 'giving him his own way' on somethings. If there's room in his room I'd put another single bed in it, or even change it to a double so that you can share with him when he needs to. And everyone wins by getting a proper sleep!

Toots

My 5 year old still gets into my bed in the night no matter what we do. He usually stays in his own bed until about 5am and then he gets into ours. I just let him at it TBH. Half the time he snuggles in without even waking us and when the alarm goes in the morning I wake to find myself cuddling him. I reckon if we ever manage to have any more kids, we'll just have to invest in a bigger bed. In my view, having everyone get the most sleep they can is the priority so if that means the little dude comes into our bed then so be it. I assume he'll grow out of it eventually :pac:

peteb2

Good suggestions. But we don't have space for a double there. Had one before but got rid to give him floor space.

I wouldn't mind him coming in at 5am. He's more than welcome. It's the 1am that doesn't fly. Plus with all the night feeds it doesn't work him coming in as he'd never get a good sleep.

And not forgetting he has tendency to have his toes everywhere in the bed......everywhere!!

iguana

Could you make a bed up for him in your room or buy him a ready bed in Argos that he could use in your room. (It's a good investment as he can use it for sleepovers/camping when he's older.) That way he could come into your room and sleep there when he wakes and he will be much happier knowing that there is a place for him in your room as well as for the baby. I wouldn't worry too much about new baby nightwakings bothering him. Little kids learn to sleep through anything that doesn't effect them as long as they are settled themselves. And at 4 it's the biological norm to want to sleep with his family. My 4 year old still sleeps with me every night and at times when I'm awake I see him become disturbed in his sleep, reach a hand or foot out to me and the instant he makes contact his whole body relaxes and he falls back into a deep sleep. I assume that happens when I'm asleep too but because he's just right there with me he doesn't wake me. If I made him sleep in his own room, I imagine he'd wake up properly every time he was disturbed as he'd be alone without the comforting reassurance of having me there. Then we'd both be awake all night and grumpy/miserable all day.