Miserable Life

LegacyUser

I don't know if I want advice or just rant a little but i'm gonna try and get it all down and take it from there.

I'm a guy, in his twenties and overall am just not enjoying life. I've suffered all my life with mental illness. Anxiety when I was younger and now I am living with pure obsessive compulsive disorder and I find a lot of days can involve depressive bouts.
http://ocdla.com/obsessionalocd

I have been on anti-depressants for the last number of years which help and was seeing a therapist before she retired in September. (A new one has been appointed and I am waiting to hear from her)

Even though, these things are not easy to live with, I find the toughest thing is the loneliness and feeling of stagnation that I have.

I live at home in a small town with my family. (They are a great support) I don't have that many friends but I have a job here until May so I'm not exactly tied down.
My social life is non existent and I spend most evenings in the house. I have joined with a personal trainer doing online coaching which is helping me to get into shape and gets me out to the gym but again it is quite isolating.

I know the obvious solution would be to move to a bigger city as it would give me so much more to do and meet more people but my illnesses make the stress of all that very difficult. I had to drop out of college as I couldn't settle away from home (However, I was 18 at the time, so am older now)

I know social media is all showing the best side of things but I see so many people dating and socialising with friends and just living life.
I find there are a lot of 'friends' (male and female) that I contact now and then but I get the feeling that I am bothering them. Nobody ever tries to contact me first.
Add that to the fact that, my love life is non existent and women rarely give me a second look makes it all quite tough.

If someone asked me to name something interesting about myself or something cool that I have done in my life, I actually wouldn't be able to name anything.

A lot of the loneliness, boredom, overthinking is all made worse cos of my obsessive disorder.

Thanks for reading.

Mod Note: No medical discussion please.

orthsquel

HI OP,

I'm sure you have many positive attributes, even if you can't see them yourself. Sure I've been there with depression and self esteem myself. Yes there is a lot of stigma out there around mental health and in particular OCD, that will hopefully change in time.

I posted on another thread about A Lust For Life, it's a good resource for mental health issues incl OCD http://www.alustforlife.com/ it may be of some use for you in any case.

tbh I'm not sure what advice, if any I can offer. But you're not alone. But I did spot that maybe if you're feeling alienated and struggling with loneliness and stagnation, perhaps you could consider OCD Ireland and their site and resources and their support group for OCD in St Pats? Or have you been there, done that already?

Would you be interested maybe in helping end the stigma of mental health and OCD in particular? I know perhaps through the Lust for Life website you can submit personal stories, and I find a lot of them encouraging and inspiring and something to aspire to. I think there is potential to encourage people in the same situation facing the same mental health difficulties to network and engage eachother and share their stories - I know the Mental Health and Well Being Summit (in Oct 2017) are already looking for anyone to share their stories and I went to it last year and thought it was very interesting and inspiring.... distance engaging as I didn't really get to know many people there, but it got me thinking a lot more about my own mental health and it was a bit of comfort to see others being really courageous in sharing their stories regardless of who they were, as well as some of the more professional aspects to it.

In general though, a lot of people might otherwise advise to put yourself out there and get to know people, hobbies etc. I can understand with how you feel and what you experience that it could be difficult for you, depending on your OCD you have and how it can obstruct your day to day life. I know too, that when you feel like you're making all the effort to connect with someone, it can make you feel awful, especially in a negative mindset that you're being needy or not good enough. It can difficult to see others included where you are not, or how great people's lives are, as far as what they say on facebook anyway, or feel that you're an after thought rather than an inclusion or that you feel if you are the one to make contact first that you are bothering them. But it's probably not true at all. I know that it's probably hard to see that, but trust me, there's most likely more people than you think that care about you. And I would suspect - as I did my ex who had OCD, and no it wasn't me who ended things! - just as he felt utterly worthless I saw some someone truly lovely, creative, intelligent, loveable and talented when he saw nothing good in himself at all. And just as I have often seen nothing in myself, others have been able to see much more than that and tbh it has taken me a long, long time to see those positive qualities in myself....and you will too.

Mrs Woman

Hi OP,

I feel really sad reading your post. I don't like to think of anyone feeling this way. My own son had lots of struggles (still does but things are a lot better). I always said to him that social media shows you the people who are out having a brilliant time and with these pictures of parties you dont' notice the people who aren't in them. I personally only post the best pictures of me (I take 500 till I'm happy with 1) and I'm always tagged in places. I must look like I have a great life but truth be told my life is nothing like it looks on facebook. No ones is. You get a heavily edited unreality.

Its true that you cant' judge your insides by other peoples outsides. Everyone has their struggles. A number of years ago I had a break up and very nearly a breakdown, At the age of 34 with zero friends I had to start building a life. I actually joined boards at the time and joined in with the fun and discussions and went to some of their organised meet ups. I'm still close friends with two girls I met on here. I tried yoga, karate and basically anywhere that I could to meet new people and it was tough going and lonely but gradually I did reshape my life. Its just harder for some of us than it is for others. My son found life and making friends difficult, he did all the contacting, felt like he was an annoying person but he's built a a little group now. He has very much felt like he's on the outside of life looking in, I think an awful lot of people feel like that but OP there are people out there who would love to have you for a friend and are looking for a friend like you. You are a wonderful person, I can tell that by your post. You have a lot to give and people want to meet you and get to know you. I always said that to my son and Its true. When I was lonely I was looking for friends and so people need you OP!

Being in your twenties you have a lot of time to do cool things. Write yourself a list of what you'd like to do. Make them come true. Dont' let any mental illness become a barrier to the life you want to live. Why not go back to college? You can always leave if it gets too much. You get lots of start overs in life.


I don't know if what I said will help at all but I just wanted to reach out to you. Get out there and make a start on your life, people really do care

JuliusCaesar

OCD Ireland run support groups and information evenings that you might find useful. And your family too. There are lots of options to get CBT for OCD if you go through reputable organisations such as CBT Ireland or IABCP. Therapy can be done by phone or skype too. There may even be CBT available in your local HSE mental health service, for free, if you ask about it.

Getting a handle on the ocd will free you up enormously.

LegacyUser

OP here

Thank you all for you kind messages and advice. Very much appreciated.