What should I do? Very confused!

HiSir!

Want your opinions here folks please!

I met a girl from Brazil on Tinder in November. She is living here in my home county studying English and has been living here since November. Both of us are in our very early 30's.

We got on well on Tinder initially although I was slightly surprised when she asked was I single! (isn't most of the people on Tinder single!?) That made me obviously think she was interested plus the fact we met on Tinder. (You will see why I mentioned this later in the post). I did tell her I was single but that I wasn't on it for one night stands.

Anyway things progressed and we exchanged numbers and connected on Facebook and Instagram.

I eventually met her after about 2 weeks of messaging. She was very touchy feely and although her English was poor, the vibes I got were really positive. As it was quite cold (it was a cold December day when we met), she said I could keep myself warm by cuddling into her as I was waiting on my transport home. I duely obliged. I kind of did try to snog her but instead I kept kissing her on the cheek. As we were waiting on transport, it was a long embrace.

We continued to message away and I then invited her to my hometown for New Year's Eve. She accepted. So we met in the day and it went well and then we hit the pub's. I wasn't drinking, she was. Maybe it was nerves but part of me wasn't sure was I even going to get off with her that night. Anyway, I took her to her hotel room, I stayed and we had sex.

The next morning she was quite flirty still and was in good spirits. I showed her around my town and she was again very touchy feely.

She was due to leave that evening but she was delighted when I asked her to stay the night at my place. I live with my parents FYI so we both had to sleep in single beds in the same room but that didn't stop her from jumping in to the bed beside me and although we didn't have sex we did engaged in some sexual acts. She left the next day and really liked my family and it went really well. I was happy! And she was even holding hands walking about town with me.


2 weeks later I met her again at hers, I was only there for about 5 hours but nothing at all happened! No kisses or sex but she did have a cold so I give her the benefit of the doubt.

A week later we met again in my area but straight away the body language was bad. I didn't get good vibes and she wasn't as touchy feely.....She was frustrated about her lack of English....As we were in a different town we obviously didn't have sex or there was no kisses or anything again.

Next time then was last weekend. I was helping her get connected with a potential job in Dublin. I stayed at hers on the Thursday. Nothing happened. Friday we stayed at a hotel in Dublin, nothing happened. Bear in mind, she was still being touchy feely out and about and had been sending flirty messages. I was majorly confused!

So I asked her the next day via Google Translate (that's how we had to communicate at times) what the story was. She said "friends"! But when I put it to her that we met on Tinder and we did have sex but she said "friends".

Anyways, it was a stressful weekend for her as getting organised for potential job was stressful. That didn't stop her from remaining to be touchy feely when we were out and about and we definitely looked like a couple. I was getting major mixed messages!

Anyway I stayed at hers on Saturday night and before I left on Sunday she apologized to me for her behaviour.

I heard nothing then till the early hours of Monday morning were she messaged again apologizing but said she liked me as a friend. I wasn't going to bother getting back as I felt I was maybe led on but I messaged out of courtesy last night and she responded this morning by saying she felt awkward about us sleeping in the same bed at the weekend.

So what do you guys think? Why was she on Tinder if she wanted friends? Why sleep with me on one night and have foreplay the next and then willingly get in to my bed. Why keep meeting up? Was she even ever interested? I don't know do I want to keep up the friendship. What do you think folks?

Big Bag of Chips

Maybe she was interested at first, but then realised that the spark wasn't happening for her. It happens. Not everyone you meet is going to automatically gel with you. Some people do try really hard to make themselves feel something, if they think the person is nice, and if they would really like for there to be more to it. But sometimes it just doesn't happen.

I think rather than asking yourself, and her questions and trying to make sense of this, you need to say good bye to her. She might feel comfortable enough with you to be a bit flirty and touchy feely, but she has made it clear that she doesn't want anything else from you. If you want more, then you need to find that with someone else. And continuing a friendship with her is likely to hold you back, or delay you from looking for somebody else.

HiSir!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Maybe she was interested at first, but then realised that the spark wasn't happening for her. It happens. Not everyone you meet is going to automatically gel with you. Some people do try really hard to make themselves feel something, if they think the person is nice, and if they would really like for there to be more to it. But sometimes it just doesn't happen.

I think rather than asking yourself, and her questions and trying to make sense of this, you need to say good bye to her. She might feel comfortable enough with you to be a bit flirty and touchy feely, but she has made it clear that she doesn't want anything else from you. If you want more, then you need to find that with someone else. And continuing a friendship with her is likely to hold you back, or delay you from looking for somebody else.

Agreed. Although I'm unsure why she even wants to be friends.

Big Bag of Chips

Because she likes the attention she's getting from you. She likes the hugs, she just doesn't want anything more. It doesn't make her a bad person. We all like to feel liked!! Being with you makes her feel liked. Unfortunately you want more than she can offer. So long term it's not going to work out.

For as long as you keep agreeing to her "terms" of the friendship she's going to be happy to go along with it. She's in a foreign country, with little English and not many friends. You are a nice social outlet for her. Like I said, it doesn't make her a bad person. She has been clear, in her words, about what you and her have together. If you don't hear that, or think she means something else, that is where you are going wrong.

If you're happy to only be friends with her (who hug!) then everyone wins. If you're not happy with that, then the arrangement can't work for either of you.

BetsyEllen

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

She's in a foreign country, with little English and not many friends. You are a nice social outlet for her

This is the exact reason she wants to keep you around.
You have helped her, she feels comfortable with you, she has bad English but you communicate well with her.
You're a lifeline to her. But unfortunately she doesn't fancy you enough to be anything more.

I would walk away. It will be a very one sided friendship and if she is a very touchy feely person then you are bound to be feeling confused a lot of the time.

Plus spending time with her will hold you back from meeting somebody to have a real relationship with.

zoobizoo

She has a poor level of English.

That's fine for one or two dates but beyond that it's just going to work out really.

It's hard making a connection when the ability to communicate on a deeper level (humour/understanding/nuances) isn't there.

Maybe she came to that realisation before you did.

Could you become friends with a guy you've just met, don't know, and can barely communicate with?

Ursus Horribilis

If she's only over here to study English, she might not be planning to stay in Ireland. What then? Are you willing to uproot yourself and move to be with her?

B.A._Baracus

I'd cut contact.

You've been regulated to the friendzone. If that's what she wants then that's cool. That's life.

But given her circumstance screw that. In a new country, not many friends, no job and English isn't perfect. But what about in 6 months? When she has a job. Has more friends and English is better. Will she be calling you up to see how you're doing or to hang out? Or will she not need you anymore?

I'd cut contact. None of this helping her to get a job or staying in hotels (with no sex!?) that's using someone.

Bambi985

I don’t really know why you’re clinging on to this one op - clearly there’s a language barrier which doesn’t exactly lend itself to a relationship and she’s made it perfectly clear she’s not interested in you romantically. She’s probably on tinder because she’s open to meeting someone in that way,but it’s not you. You were fun while she weighed up her options.

The mixed messages - maybe she’s the touchy feely sort. Lots of brazilians are.