Maintenance

BigJay

I need some help I'm a 23 year old father of a one year old child. I'm not with the mother anymore since over a year and I started off paying 50 maintenance without knowing anything about court or maintenance. After a few months I was then told by her that could she have an extra 50 euro so now I give 100. I get paid roughly 350 a week. I don't really have anyone to help me with this information so I just taught I had to pay 100 because she said she needed it for her and said by law I should be paying more than that.
I feel I'm being done over because I don't have a say in the child's life I only get to see her if I go to her house. And I getting nothing but **** all the time and I'm sick of it.
If anyone could help I'd appreciate it a lot.

Stheno

Go to court to get visitation and maintenace set out by the court.

BigJay

Stheno wrote: »

Go to court to get visitation and maintenace set out by the court.

How long will that take I went to solicitors just to talk to them bout situation but they wanted 70 quid just to ask few questions because I don't know anything bout it:/

Lantus

You can get free legal advice initially. But the court route will entail high legal costs. Maybe try mediation first. Also, court route will scrutinise both your finances for a significant period.

Markcheese

Try citizens information , just to know your rights ect ... there should be an office somewhere near you.. or use the phone service ..
Are you just handing over 100 euro in cash ?? Or lodging to her bank account... at least the latter leaves a paper trail ...
Mediation would be a lot better than court ( cheaper too ) but not sure of the process .. and both parties have to agree to it..

Tigger

If it's laid out by court you get to claim a tax credit.

Joe Hill

Tigger wrote: »

If it's laid out by court you get to claim a tax credit.

And a deduction in her loan parent payment assuming she is not declaring same.

judeboy101

Send her email saying from now on all money must be lodged into her account, if she refuses open up a post office savings account in Childs name and put 50 quid a week in. Save other 50 and when u have enough money , lawyer up and go to court. And please tell me you are on the birth cert?

Beer Assistant

Don't hand over cash get her bank details and start a standing order so you have a paper trail, also if you buy stuff for your child keep all receipts for proof to cover your backside in case it gets dirty and she trys to say your not helping her out. As how much maintenance you should pay can't help with that, goodluck.

Mc Garnigle

Kind of in the same situation myself, Have 3 kids and pay 200 a week.
Was paying in cash and there was almost 5,000 payed over but that disappeared and now I have no record of it!
Only get to see my kids in their mums house and rarely get them alone.
Any advice of what I'm entitled to or how much I should be paying?

Kimbot

Tigger wrote: »

If it's laid out by court you get to claim a tax credit.

I dont think thats the case, I havent been able to claim mine in years since they changed they one parent tax relief.

Samuel T. Cogley

Mc Garnigle wrote: »

Kind of in the same situation myself, Have 3 kids and pay 200 a week.
Was paying in cash and there was almost 5,000 payed over but that disappeared and now I have no record of it!
Only get to see my kids in their mums house and rarely get them alone.
Any advice of what I'm entitled to or how much I should be paying?

My advice is you should in a salt mine and others will be that if you're not seeing the child you shouldn't pay at all, such is the spectrum of views on the interwebz.

Go to court and have someone qualified resolve the situation. It's rather bizarre people keep needing to be told this.

infogiver

All you guys need to apply to the legal aid board for a solicitor.
The form is on their website.
Legal aid (civil) is not free anymore but it is means tested.
If your not married to the mother of your children then while having your name on the birth Cert is helpful, it still means your not the guardian of your child unless the mother has agreed that you can be, and you have a legally witnessed document to prove it.
This can all be sorted out but you need to get legal assistance to do it.

barman linen

Tigger wrote: »

If it's laid out by court you get to claim a tax credit.

You will only get a tax credit for spousal maintenance - not child maintenance.

BigJay

Lantus wrote: »

You can get free legal advice initially. But the court route will entail high legal costs. Maybe try mediation first. Also, court route will scrutinise both your finances for a significant period.

I told her she shouldn't be getting that much and now she wants to bring me to court because I won't pay her 100. She trying to make me feel bad saying oh your taking it away from your child but yet she won't let me have her stay with me unless i have my own place which I'm trying to get but yet she still wants 100quid.iv a car to keep on the road to get to work as well. I get bearly 350 a week. So will the courts really say she needs 100

Stheno

BigJay wrote: »

I told her she shouldn't be getting that much and now she wants to bring me to court because I won't pay her 100. She trying to make me feel bad saying oh your taking it away from your child but yet she won't let me have her stay with me unless i have my own place which I'm trying to get but yet she still wants 100quid.iv a car to keep on the road to get to work as well. I get bearly 350 a week. So will the courts really say she needs 100

Nobody here can tell you that.

Contact the Legal Aid Board they are your best bet.

You should also ask about getting court ordered access

Mr. Incognito

Hello there,

Most posters here have said go to Court.

I don't have much direct experience in family law but I have direct experience in life.

I've a son from a previous relationship. My advice, if I could give it to you would be to make a deal with the Mother directly and stick to it.

Courts tend to be adversarial, that's just the way our legal system is set up and despite numerous recommendations from the law society to make it less so and have a mediation led approach it appears to be a long way off.

My son is 12 and I have gone through periods in my life where I changed careers and went from being able to afford a lot of maintainence to very little due to the retraining but I have made it out the other side and can afford to be generous. A good relationship with my son's mother was invaluable during these periods. We both, thankfully, put our son first.

This money is for your child. A court will look at your means and see what is reasonable in your circumstances. It will direct an order for visitation and for this money to be paid. If you need to vary it due to personal circumstances good or bad you have to go back to Court to do so which is another expensive outing.

People tend to be very emotional around the break-up of relationships. Often they use their child as a pawn to broker this. A Court will always look to determine what is best for the child when making determinations.

If your ex is not a reasonable person or is refusing accesss or is making unrealistic demands then unfortunately the court is the only way to go and it tends to end up in an adversarial process.

My advice is to see if you can come to an arrangment that is beneficial for your child and stick to this arrangment. Have an agreement drawn up between you and signed. Keep records of payments and I would advise a standing order bank to bank so it can be shown. Never pay in cash.

The maximum a Court can award as far as I know is €600 a month so €100 a week seems a lot for a young child. Expenses tend to go up once the child gets older. My childcare for example was €600 a month for my son in primary school. You need to sit down with her and see what the expenses of the child are not her expenses. You are paying for your childs maintenance not hers.

If she cannot be rational or mature and responsible about things then Court unfortunately is the only option.

BigJay

Mc Garnigle wrote: »

Kind of in the same situation myself, Have 3 kids and pay 200 a week.
Was paying in cash and there was almost 5,000 payed over but that disappeared and now I have no record of it!
Only get to see my kids in their mums house and rarely get them alone.
Any advice of what I'm entitled to or how much I should be paying?

Iv paid for loads of things for child even when I was on the dole I paid for anything she needed. But u dnt have receipts. My situation complicated because my parents and her have there problems. And she won't let any if my family see her and I have to go to hers whenever to see her. But I have to listen. To there **** then if I go to court that will be more time I dnt get see my kid but I cant keep living like this it's a joke.

BigJay

judeboy101 wrote: »

Send her email saying from now on all money must be lodged into her account, if she refuses open up a post office savings account in Childs name and put 50 quid a week in. Save other 50 and when u have enough money , lawyer up and go to court. And please tell me you are on the birth cert?

Is there any way of giving money instead of an account where I don't have to give it by hand

Stheno

BigJay wrote: »

Is there any way of giving money instead of an account where I don't have to give it by hand

Bank drafts maybe? You'd have to pay for them though

dar100

Go to court apply for access and guardianship,

You will get free legal aid due to your low wages!!

100 is to much to pay with the amount you are earning

Put all monies through the bank

Go sooner rather than later as it's usually 3 month waiting list in dolphin house

alane20

Stheno wrote:

Bank drafts maybe? You'd have to pay for them though

Get a bank draft or cheque from your bank or credit union, have it crossed so it has to be lodged, the draft will be made out in her name, when she realises it takes 5 days to clear she will suddenly become very forthcoming with the bank details, all emotion has to be put aside from now on, man up and be calm and polite but firm, don't fall for mind games and name calling or been made to feel like you are depriving your child, you seem to be willing to support and be involved, so be firm but don't be made a fool out of or been seen as a soft touch, but from now on paper trail

Another day

Tigger wrote: »

If it's laid out by court you get to claim a tax credit.

No he doesn't unless she agrees to sign them over to him. Both parents claiming it was done away with a few years ago only the mother has an automatic right to the tax credits

BigJay

I'm up in court soon now. When you. Use to bring up court she used to be against it or say something to make me think wasn't good idea. But now all of a sudden I get a letter saying she bringing me to court for an incident where my car wheel hit her foot which is lie. Then I get another letter about court order for maintenance I haven't been paying. Again more lies iv paid more than I should have been for months and now today I get a letter for court about a barring order for domestic abuse. All of these in space of a few days out of nowhere. Iv been made an absolute. Fool out of the lies that are being told is unnatural. She is planning something and I went to citizens advice and they told me she had to been planning it awhile because courts date is this months so I don't have much time.
Iv applied for free legal aid also.
Any taughts or suggestions?

boardsuser1

BigJay wrote: »

I need some help I'm a 23 year old father of a one year old child. I'm not with the mother anymore since over a year and I started off paying 50 maintenance without knowing anything about court or maintenance. After a few months I was then told by her that could she have an extra 50 euro so now I give 100. I get paid roughly 350 a week. I don't really have anyone to help me with this information so I just taught I had to pay 100 because she said she needed it for her and said by law I should be paying more than that.
I feel I'm being done over because I don't have a say in the child's life I only get to see her if I go to her house. And I getting nothing but **** all the time and I'm sick of it.
If anyone could help I'd appreciate it a lot.

Your own situation mirrors my own at your age.

Go to court.

I did, she got much less than she was getting out of court.

Apply for guardianship with the access as well. I was granted it despite strong objections from the ex's solicitor that they "never received the paperwork" even though the judge had it.

BigJay

I went to court but it got put back as I was only granted legal aid my solicitor thinks I will have to pay 50,a week

Podgeo7

Advise please, my wife recently had an affair and basically marriage is over. 2 children 8 and 14. I earn 80k per annum. Sounds a lot but now I've to support myself witj accommodation etc. Will I still have to pay full mortgage on the house she is living in can anyone tell me. And child support? Any help very grateful

judeboy101

Podgeo7 wrote: »

Advise please, my wife recently had an affair and basically marriage is over. 2 children 8 and 14. I earn 80k per annum. Sounds a lot but now I've to support myself witj accommodation etc. Will I still have to pay full mortgage on the house she is living in can anyone tell me. And child support? Any help very grateful

Why should you leave, you did nothing wrong.

Podgeo7

judeboy101 wrote: »

Why should you leave, you did nothing wrong.

I know to be honest I honestly don't know what to do, i didn't see it coming and I'm afraid to stay because of damage to kids caused by tension in house and afraid to go because of the kids,

But I'm also afraid she's gonna screw me financial. She's on long term sick and her only income is 180pw,plus 290 per month. I don't mind paying what I have to but just wondering if I have to pay full mortgage and child support, nightmare.

judeboy101

Podgeo7 wrote: »

I know to be honest I honestly don't know what to do, i didn't see it coming and I'm afraid to stay because of damage to kids caused by tension in house and afraid to go because of the kids,

But I'm also afraid she's gonna screw me financial. She's on long term sick and her only income is 180pw,plus 290 per month. I don't mind paying what I have to but just wondering if I have to pay full mortgage and child support, nightmare.

Obviously not that sick if she can fool around. Lawyer up, remove joint accounts/credit cards etc. Remove from any pension/life/ investment policies. Do not leave the family home. Your kids are old are enough to know the truth of what she has done so don't protect her image in her eyes. From now on all household bills/purchases are receipted and go through you. And lawyer up!!

lifeandtimes

To answer your question if your name is on the mortgage then yes you will be required to pay it. The bank won't care about your personal circumstances and just want theie payments.

That being said if your name is on the house do not leave if your wives name is on it too then she doesn't have to leave but seeing as she is the adulterer she should go.

If your wife leaves and takes the kids then yes you will be required to pay maintenance for them which can be figured out in court.

Speak to a solicitor and go to your local district court as soon as possible to arrange access and maintenance.

nuac

Mod
Sorry neither of you may get legal advice here.
Go to your solicitor
Thread closed