Boyfriend asking my opinion sexually on other guys?

LegacyUser

Sometimes when myself and the boy I'm seeing talk, he will ask me about our friends. He will ask me to choose which of the lads I would rather have sex with, which I find the best looking etc. It's confusing to me. I don't know why he wants to know, I have no interest in knowing his opinion on the girls, I don't want to have that information that could lead me to feel threatened or jealous.

My main question is why does he care? He has done this on three separate occasions now. Does it mean he doesn't care about me? Or is it a sign he does? It's so strange to me.

we have been seeing each other for a few months, we are exclusively together however nothing has been made official yet. We haven't started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet basically. I referred in the title to boyfriend out of convenience

9or10

Yes its odd. Have you asked him these questions?

Maybe he is a bit insecure.

LegacyUser

I've asked him and he just said 'this is what guys talk about idk' and he just laughs and thinks my opinions are funny and he doesn't get why these questions are weird to me.

Ursus Horribilis

Did you post recently? It all sounds very familiar in some ways. Starting off with your boyfriend being called a boy. What age is he? 14? Also, could somebody please explain to me how a couple who are "exclusive" not be "official"? It looks like the pair of you are dancing around each other and really not communicating at all. I bet you're having sex. If you're prepared to have intimate relations with this man, why can you not (1) establish what exactly it is you are and (2) ask him straight out why is he asking you these questions? Maybe, just maybe, he's as confused as you are and it's his clumsy way of trying to find out where he stands. Seriously, stop posting on boards and have a conversation with your own boyfriend.

LegacyUser

No I am 24, not 14. I have only posted twice on boards before, never in this topic. And I don't really think it's your place to tell me to stop posting on boards. I don't appreciate that.

I replied to the other poster here however that has not been approved yet but I stated in that post that I have asked him, and he just laughs and says it's what guys talk about and he thinks it's funny.

woodchuck

How do you answer the question and how does he react?

It sounds strange alright. Maybe he's insecure and/or fishing for compliments and hoping you'll say something to the effect that he's the only guy you're interested in.

Passtheremote

He might get off on thinking about you being with the friend you say youll f!@#.

ibarelycare

Passtheremote wrote: »

He might get off on thinking about you being with the friend you say youll f!@#.

This. It's a kink for a lot of people to imagine their partner with someone else.

Just ask him straight out why he wants to know. There's nothing wrong with people talking about their fantasies with each other, as long as everyone's comfortable with it. If you're not comfortable, just tell him.

HalloweenJack

To me, it's odd but as others mentioned, it could be part of him being interested in you being with one of his friends.

As for him saying "this is what guys talk about", I've never asked my GF that, talked about it with my friends or even thought about it, tbh. I've also never heard friends talking that way about their GFs. It's something that's never even occurred to me.

I'd say you need to ask him about it to find out exactly why. If it makes you uncomfortable, let him know.

tara73

I think it's a test. you are not that long together, he seems to be the insecure, worrying type and he wants to see your reaction on this (childish) questions as a confirmation whether you are committed to him.

I would tell him straight out you are not interested sexually in his friends, you are with him, and why he feels the need to ask you this questions. I think this will cure him from asking again:).

MissShihTzu

I think he sounds incredibly childish and immature. Who on earth would ask such a question and why?

What's to say he doesn't use your answers as an excuse when you have a row?? I agree with Tara73. Tell him straight up that he's being silly, and why does he feel the need to ask something he might not like the answer to!

DoozerT6

This sounds very immature on his part. in fact silliness like that would put me right off someone. He's either very insecure and trying to figure out if you like one of his friends better than him, or he's angling for a threesome. If it's neither of the above, then he's just an idiot. There is no valid reason to ask your partner questions like that unless you're both into it, and maybe it's part of foreplay or something. If it's making you uncomfortable and he persists with it, I would tell him you'll dump him if he keeps asking you stupid things like that. Just my 2c of course...

AndyBoBandy

What if he's scouting for a possible threesome?

OP says she only knows him a short while!

timmy880

The fact that he is asked this 3 times would suggest to me that there is an angle to this. Either he is testing you and hoping to get a specific response (perhaps something like "Oh ya I'd hop on that, hell yes") or either he wants you to be disgusted at the thought of you being with somebody else.

Whatever response he is looking for, he obviously isn't getting it at the moment because he keeps asking. Best to ask him honestly what he is hoping to hear from this question...

robbiezero

Either way, don't pander to this nonsense. Ask him straight out why and if he won't give a reason, tell him to cut it out or you will cut him out.

Big Bag of Chips

ydoeshedothis wrote: »

he just said 'this is what guys talk about idk'

Maybe it's what he and his friends talk about but not what all guys talk about! Maybe it's a thing for them all that they slag each other about 'I could have your gf'. If it is, and if they all laugh about having sex with each other's gfs then I'd leave them to it. Very immature and very disrespectful.

Next time he asks you, ask him who talks about it, and what do they say.

He's either fishing for reassurance from you that you only have eyes for him. Or he's a dick who is swapping stories about you with his friends.

Neyite

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

He's either fishing for reassurance from you that you only have eyes for him. Or he's a dick who is swapping stories about you with his friends.

Or he might want to be able to throw it in the OP's face at some point that she fancies his mate/ is cheating etc...

Whichever reason is driving this, none are acceptable in a grown up relationship. Grown up's don't talk amongst themselves constantly about who in their social circle they'd shag. Immature horny gits do though.

If he expects that you have rated all his mates in terms of hotness, then consider that he's very possibly done the same with your friends. And that he's happily stood there while his friends discuss your body and what they'd like to do it. Decent boyfriends would shut that kind of conversation down.

Refresh

Hi op
Its probably just a bit of a cuckold fetish that he says. Ask him about it and he might open up

Keep an open mind as it is becoming very common now

GingerLily

Refresh wrote: »

Hi op
Its probably just a bit of a cuckold fetish that he says. Ask him about it and he might open up

Keep an open mind as it is becoming very common now

Don't keep an open mind if you don't want to, you have the right to feel uncomfortable about things, just the same as you have the right to explore them.
There are people on boards that like to overstate how common certain behaviours are, they tend to have a hidden agenda.

Refresh

GingerLily wrote: »

Don't keep an open mind if you don't want to, you have the right to feel uncomfortable about things, just the same as you have the right to explore them.
There are people on boards that like to overstate how common certain behaviours are, they tend to have a hidden agenda.

I agree that it is up to him or her. At the end of the day, all we can do is speculate as he or she has to talk to the bf about it

Big Bag of Chips

Well if he's laughing at her questioning why he's asking then maybe his motives aren't as innocent as he's trying to pretend. If he's grown up enough to ask a question, for sexual fetish/preference purposes, then he should be grown up enough to explain that when asked why he wants to know. Not laughing at her and telling her all guys talk about this stuff, and make her out to be weird for questioning him!

tara73

Refresh wrote: »

Hi op
Its probably just a bit of a cuckold fetish that he says. Ask him about it and he might open up

Keep an open mind as it is becoming very common now

OP, telling that having threesomes when in a relationship is trendy or common is bs. It's completely your decision and if you don't like it, don't do it.

It might be something for some couples, but it's definitely not the norm and has nothing to do with trends.