Tough times

muddypaws

Its been an awful year, lost my son last March and my Mum passed away on Wednesday. We lost my Dad 2 and a half years ago, after a short illness, which was a huge shock, and took me a long time to come to terms with (if I have) Whilst I am really upset about my Mum, she has had dementia for a long time, and I know its a cliche, but it is almost a relief that she no longer has to live like that, she would have hated it. My two brothers and I were with her when she died, I had an overnight dash to get to England to be with her, but she hung on until I got there, and even managed to last until 2am in the morning, so that she didn't die on my nephew's birthday. I know that is so unimportant in the great scheme of things, but none of us wanted him to always have that in the back of his mind when celebrating his birthday. She loved her Grandchildren so much, that it really felt like she hung on deliberately.

The UK is so different to here, her funeral isn't until February 10th, so I've come home and will go back over for it, I'm not sure if its a good thing or not, that you have time to get used to the idea before the funeral, or whether its best to be in a daze for the funeral.

My life will be very different now, I have been going back and forward to England every 6-8 weeks since my Dad died, to see my Mum and whilst she didn't know who I was most of the time, I always knew who she was. It is such a horrible disease, the person that was my Mum left us a few years ago, but I still loved just sitting with her, holding her hand and talking to her, even if she didn't always make sense. I will miss that.

You've had a grossly unfair amount of tragedy, my heart goes out to you.

I hope you heal, and I hope you find a peace that makes life better for you before too long. Take care of yourself in the meantime.

Kristopherus

Heavens above, OP !!!! But you have been dealt a lousy hand. Icannot offer you any hep, only very best wishes for the future.

sreilly37

OP..you sound like such a strong person. Take it one day at a time and remember you are never on your own.

muddypaws

My son's inquest was in London last Tuesday, was far worse than I thought it would be, hearing the last 24 hours of his life laid out so matter of factly. It actually asked more questions than gave answers for me.

Something that I am struggling with around my son is when people ask if I have children, he was only one, and I honestly don't know how to answer it. If I say no, I feel really disloyal, but if I say yes, it can lead on to other questions, and people don't really want to hear about a young person dying, and I also tend to get upset when talking about him, I'm fine as long as I don't think too much. Can I ask what other posters do in that situation?

jimmycrackcorm

muddypaws wrote: »

Momething that I am struggling with around my son is when people ask if I have children, he was only one, and I honestly don't know how to answer it. If I say no, I feel really disloyal, but if I say yes, it can lead on to other questions, and people don't really want to hear about a young person dying, and I also tend to get upset when talking about him, I'm fine as long as I don't think too much. Can I ask what other posters do in that situation?

I've a sibling who lost a young child and always includes him in the number of children. Though it only gets complicated if they are asked any details. Otherwise it's a matter of fact response.

Lucuma

I would say 'I had one but he passed away' but that's just me. I don't think in Ireland that many people would ask questions if they get that response. In fact I think it would shut people up sharpish.
Very sorry for your multiple losses. I hope you don't feel too overwhelmed by it all. I am finding these days that I have to just make myself think of other things. It's too early for this with your grief about your Mum of course, as it's early days and you need to let it out, but since the 1 year anniversary I've made a pact that whenever I feel my mind being dragged down sad avenues (which would be multiple times each day) I grab the thought and turn it to a mundane matter in the future such as 'what am I going to grow in my garden' or 'what will be the next book I'll read' etc. It can't be anything emotional, it has to be something without feeling, but always something in the future. And so far it's working. I'm not happy but I'm getting on with things and I'm hoping that if I fake it til I make it, one day I'll make it!