Being played?

kknapp21

I don't know what to think. I started dating a man, we live in different counties but about 40/50 minutes away. He said he was split up from his children's mam but the other day he referred to her as his wife, he said 'I had to call the wife to see....' And I asked was he still married to her, he said no, but then why call her that?

He also ignored my calls and text for a day and said it was because someone in the family died and every time I asked about the details he hung up on me, and to date there isn't an obituary. I know they aren't always published in the paper, but the fact he kept hanging up on me instead of answering the question. All I asked was what was their name and what church it was being held at.

Last three times we had to meet up he has canceled last minute. Fist time a family member was in hospital, admitted into a room but he wanted to be with them to make sure all was OK. I called to see if he was OK but he wouldn't answer. Next day he said he left hospital at 2am and his phone died. Second time he had a migrane and didn't feel up for it, same day he called his ex his wife. Finally today, I gave him a lend of 90€ and he said he wired it into my account last Sunday, but that it never went through and got sent back so he would drop it round tonight, but then said later he couldn't as he had a commitment he couldn't make it.

I'm pretty sure he is lying to me, but maybe it all has an explanation, or maybe I'm just to blind to see the truth?

punisher5112

Change your number move on.

He I would hazard a guess is married and still together.

Run.

LushiousLips

Lay to the loss of the €90 and move on from him. Lucky escape if you ask me. Don't give him another penny. Best of luck x

jimmycrackcorm

Ask him if you can come over and stay a night at his place - see what excuse he comes up with.

kknapp21

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

Ask him if you can come over and stay a night at his place - see what excuse he comes up with.

His kids love in Dublin so he goes up there every weekend to see them so isn't home, unless he has them at his, which I understand I can't be there when they are. But he kept saying, 'he needs to get the house sorted and soon I can meet them' but never got around to it I guess

fungun

He also ignored my calls and text for a day and said it was because someone in the family died and every time I asked about the details he hung up on me

Probably married but even if he wasnt....he hung up on you more than once just because he didnt like what you were asking??
This would make me walk away anyway, unless he had a very good explanation!!

eviltwin

Married or not he sounds like a complete head wrecker. I'd save yourself the trouble and uncertainty and move on.

njs030

kknapp21 wrote: »

His kids love in Dublin so he goes up there every weekend to see them so isn't home, unless he has them at his, which I understand I can't be there when they are. But he kept saying, 'he needs to get the house sorted and soon I can meet them' but never got around to it I guess

Where does he stay in Dublin? Have you ever visited his house?

kknapp21

notjustsweet wrote: »

Where does he stay in Dublin? Have you ever visited his house?

No, he always came to mine. I think he stayed in Sandyford or Drumcondra when he goes up there.

Ursus Horribilis

Oh come on now. Do you really think the guy's not married? This is textbook married bloke with woman on the side behaviour and you know it. And you loaned him €90 which doesn't appear to be coming back to you!

daisybelle2008

kknapp21 wrote: »

No, he always came to mine. I think he stayed in Sandyford or Drumcondra when he goes up there.

Of course he did. He is married, you are having an affair and are the other woman. He has seen you are gullible and is now tapping you for money.

Run a mile, please value yourself more than allowing a two timing, lying sponger into your home.

Even he wasn't married (he is), sponging money, lying and p*ssing you around on the communication front should be deal breakers. If that's how he treats his bit on the side, he really is no prize.

He is a grade a loser. Don't waste another call.

Airyfairy12

Seriously what are you doing? Grow up and stop contacting this man, he's married with kids, a compulsive liar, stole your money and youre still chasing after him hoping he's a nice guy and will commit to you. If you act like an idiot expect people to treat you like one.

Big Bag of Chips

You don't really know him, so don't know enough about him to know whether he is being truthful or not. It is quite possible he is separated and still married. He'd have to be separated 5 years before they could get a divorce and her not be considered his wife anymore. My friend is separated 3 years but still has a husband.

Depending on how long you are together and how serious the relationship is getting I think it prudent that he doesn't introduce you to his children.

In saying all that he sounds like a Messer. Write off your €90 and say good-bye. Or wait for him to drop it round to you this weekend, and then say good-bye.

kknapp21

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Of course he did. He is married, you are having an affair and are the other woman. He has seen you are gullible and is now tapping you for money.

Run a mile, please value yourself more than allowing a two timing, lying sponger into your home.

Even he wasn't married (he is), sponging money, lying and p*ssing you around on the communication front should be deal breakers. If that's how he treats his bit on the side, he really is no prize.

He is a grade a loser. Don't waste another call.

I ended things yesturday as I had enough. I just wanted to see if people thought I was over reacting and jumping to conclusions or if my gut was right.

timmy880

Glad you ended this. This is (was) a guy having an affair...

njs030

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You don't really know him, so don't know enough about him to know whether he is being truthful or not. It is quite possible he is separated and still married. He'd have to be separated 5 years before they could get a divorce and her not be considered his wife anymore. My friend is separated 3 years but still has a husband.

Depending on how long you are together and how serious the relationship is getting I think it prudent that he doesn't introduce you to his children.

In saying all that he sounds like a Messer. Write off your €90 and say good-bye. Or wait for him to drop it round to you this weekend, and then say good-bye.

Separation is 4 years bboc but they have to be married at least 5 which could be the confusion.

Dial Hard

notjustsweet wrote:

Separation is 4 years bboc but they have to be married at least 5 which could be the confusion.

Er, no, there's no rules about how long you had to have been married, that would make no sense whatsoever.

You can apply for a divorce once you've been separated for four out of five years, regardless of how long the marriage lasted.

The four out of five years thing is to allow for couples who might have reconciled temporarily but found they couldn't make it work.

njs030

Dial Hard wrote: »

Er, no, there's no rules about how long you had to have been married, that would make no sense whatsoever.

You can apply for a divorce once you've been separated for four out of five years, regardless of how long the marriage lasted.

The four out of five years thing is to allow for couples who might have reconciled temporarily but found they couldn't make it work.

To get divorced a couple has to be separated for 4 years. Bboc said it was 5 which was what I was correcting.

If a couple are married for a month and separate they can't divorce 4 years later- 4 years and 1 month after their marriage.
It has to be at least 5 years after their wedding day yes?

We are saying the same thing just in slightly different ways.

Edit-Ive just realised what the confusion is. I'm using the term married in the official sense including the period of separation rather than as a couple.

daisybelle2008

kknapp21 wrote: »

I ended things yesturday as I had enough. I just wanted to see if people thought I was over reacting and jumping to conclusions or if my gut was right.

You say he was supposed to wire money to your account; does he have your bank account details?? Might not be a problem but he sounds really scummy so just be wide that you are not exposed further financially.
OP you shouldn't really need boards or gut instinct to tell you he is not boyfriend material. Ignoring calls, Hanging up on you, Cancelling dates, Sponging money, Lying, Not seeing his house. OP, that is shockingly bad treatment to tolerate without factoring in that he has a wife. Maybe your self-esteem is a bit low? and you could work on valuing yourself a bit more?
Best of luck

Mr. FoggPatches

I'd be worried about you as everyone about him seems to be going to hospital or dying.

bucketybuck

Glad to hear the OP had enough self respect to end things, from what she describes it's plainly obvious what was going on.