Wife is drinking

Kerryman1971

Hi. My wife is drinking a lot and it's breaking my heart. She admits it's a problem. We have gone to addiction councillors, doctors and psychologists and all the advice is that she should join a group like AA or one in another town the problem is she will not do anything. I am regularly finding empty plastic bottles that I know have had spirits in them. She starts by lying to me that there is no drink in them and then admits it. I don't know what to do. I have spoken to her doctor and gone to the counselling with her as well as she having her own sessions. I love her so much and want to support her. Is there any help - she is very against group sessions because of the stigma of going to AA or being branded an alcoholic.

Mr. Incognito

Stigma of being an alcoholic ? She is an alcoholic.

Until she accepts this she cannot help herself because unless she does it for herself she wont do it

Big Bag of Chips

First thing you can do is look up Al-Anon, for yourself. It's a support group for people living with an alcoholic. You can't make her change. You can't make her want to change but you can try to change yourself: How you react to her drinking. How you enable it. How you make it easy for her. How you cover for her with family and friends. How you help her hide the extent of it.

You love her, and you want to help her. That includes wanting to help her when she IS drinking, as well as trying to get her to stop. You can't get her to stop. But you can stop enabling her. Go to Al-Anon for yourself. You are living with an alcoholic. If she won't go to group meetings, you can.

Dravokivich

You can't do anything for her. So ask yourself, how much further can you go in this?

Legislation is set out in such a way, so that support can only be made when she goes forward for it.

It sounds very much like she needs to be somewhere for a period of time where she can't obtain alcohol. But that can't be done by anyone other than herself.

Sephiroth_dude

I've no advice for you Kerryman but just wanted too say you're not alone, I'm in the same position but with my older brother, he's breaking my poor mam's heart with all the lieing etc unfortunately he won't help help himself so we can't help him , my mam went too al anon for a while and it said it helped her somewhat and shes getting counselling as well too try and help her deal with it, maybe some individual counselling would help you.

kknapp21

Kerryman1971 wrote: »

Hi. My wife is drinking a lot and it's breaking my heart. She admits it's a problem. We have gone to addiction councillors, doctors and psychologists and all the advice is that she should join a group like AA or one in another town the problem is she will not do anything. I am regularly finding empty plastic bottles that I know have had spirits in them. She starts by lying to me that there is no drink in them and then admits it. I don't know what to do. I have spoken to her doctor and gone to the counselling with her as well as she having her own sessions. I love her so much and want to support her. Is there any help - she is very against group sessions because of the stigma of going to AA or being branded an alcoholic.

As a child of an alcoholic I can say that until she is ready you can't really help her. I am 32 and all I have known is my dad drinking. He even left me with my grandparents so he can continue to drink. She needs to make that choice herself, but you need to take care of you as well. Get some help for yourself so you can be prepared for whatever choice she comes up with.

Conor Bourke

<snipped reply to medical advice>

donegaLroad

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

<snip>.

Just letting him know that these are available if she wants help other than the AA.. I am well aware that he can't force her

Johnson_76

Get yourself to al-anon.If anyone can help you, they can. Best of luck.

topmanamillion

It seems to me like she`s going through the motions.

It`s clear you love your wife and are concerned about her but don't enable her.
The episodes with finding empty plastic bottles and her lying seem to be a regular occurrence and that's simply not acceptable in a marriage.

I suspect your marriage is suffering and her work/social life is also. Don't let her fob you off with stigma BS. If she drinks regularly the chances are its well known that she is a problem drinker.

I would suggest sitting her down and spelling out clearly that she needs to really engage with help. Either through group therapy or addiction counsellors.
You should not be prepared to spend your life with someone that lies to you and values alcohol above your marriage.