Moving on

nexttonothing

So I'm trying to get over a breakup and it hasn't gone too well so far. Broke up about 2 months ago and have been feeling quite down about it. I have accepted that we won't be getting back together and have tried cutting as much contact as I can but its inevitable that will see each-other for the meantime due to things beyond my control. Anyone have any tips for getting through it ?

Airyfairy12

It really does just take time, my advice though would be to delete them on facebook, block their instagram, stay away from all their social media pages, start making some new habits that theyve got no part in or things you never did while with them, could be anything from Yoga to walking/running or just deciding to go for coffee once a week in a new cafe that youve never been to before, I know it sounds silly but I find that after a breakup if I start doing little things and start creating new routines, hobbies and habits that that have no connection or memories associated with my ex it helps to take my mind of them as the activity focuses on something else and by changing habits I find I start to miss and think about them less. Its worth a try.

Make future plans for yourself like plan a holiday or something else youve been wanting to do, making future plans for things that dont concern your ex can help you to keep looking forward and help you to feel a bit more excited about the future.

If its really effecting you theres no shame in seeing a counsellor to have a chat about your feelings, you did lose someone that you really cared for so its natural to grieve and talking it out in a safe space could really help you to get through it.

Otherwise talk to any friends or family members about how youre feeling for some emotional support and stay away from any vices like alcohol or over eating, drinking can make you feel worse.

It takes time but eventually you'll move on.

BetsyEllen

I feel for you OP, it's the worst thing to go through.

I had my first proper heartbreak last year. I'm probably still not 100% over it but I'm a million times better than I was!
I had a bad couple of months of just crying a lot, spending too much time in the house by myself etc but after a while I started forcing myself to make an effort to feel better.

I can't tell you exactly what will make you feel better but the things I done for myself were:

1. Booked a holiday - I needed something to look forward to. So I booked a week in Rome by myself - best thing I've ever done.

2. Joined Meetup.com - this has been a God send to me. I went along to a few groups first of all but then set my own up. I have something to do every weekend now and I've made a circle of friends I can socialise with.

3. Started walking every evening and going to yoga - it really is true that exercise makes you feel better. The hardest part is actually putting the runners on and getting out the door but once you're out it's grand - I listen to an audiobook whilst I'm walking to pass the time.

As Airyfairy12 said, it's important to establish new routines etc that have nothing to do with your ex.

My final piece of advice is STAY AWAY from alcohol - it's a depressant and will only make you feel worse.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

SarahMollie

Totally agree with what Betsy outlined above, but just wanted to add one more point.

Do a social media detox. Delete/block/unfriend. This isn't to be mean, its just to give yourself some proper distance. Keeping up with the daily details of your exes life is essentially like picking at an emotional scab - essentially it prolongs healing and just makes things worse.

nexttonothing

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I need to figure out what triggers the majority of those moments wheres I just miss them a lot. I've already imposed a kind of social media blackout which has helped a small bit. I've booked a couple of trips away for the upcoming months which I'm looking forward to. I've never tried meetups.com before but I might check it out in a few weeks when I got through college work.

Alcohol has definitely not helped with this one especially the next day. I'm going to make an effort to wipe it out for the next few weeks. I'm feeling a bit more positive today after reading these responses so its good to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel or to hear about people who have gone through it before.

bucketybuck

You need two things to get over a breakup, time and replacements.

Time absolutely will change the hurt feelings into old memories, but the problem with time is that the clock resets every time you have any contact with the other person, so the most important thing is to make sure you aren't resetting that clock over and over, take the steps to cut all contact when in the breakup period and let time do its job.

Replacements means what it says, replace that person and their role in your life. Get involved in things, devote your energy to friends and family, have things to work towards.

If you have lots going on and no contact with the ex then eventually some day you will suddenly realise that time did it's job and you haven't even thought about him or her in ages.

nexttonothing

There will be contact for the next few months because of certain things but it can be kept to a minimum so I'm going try twice as hard with the replacements. I've gone away on a couple of weekends trips which seems to be helping so I might carry on that trend.