Grieving Jack Russell acting out, what to do??

Mozzeltoff

Hi there and apologies for what is going to be a long post.

A few days before Christmas my Father in law passed suddenly. It was an awful and bitter shock to the family and one that we're still not over. It's being very hard on us. The man is deeply missed by all of us. And that includes his little Jack Russell.

I feel so sorry for the dog. My father in law was her world. He adored her and treated her like a little princess. The man was retired and had all the time in the world for her. She was used to sleeping in the same bed as him, she had the run of the house and she had a routine with him. She misses him terribly and I do realise she's got some awful separation anxiety issues.

After my Father in law died, myself and OH semi moved into his house, along with my brother in law who's being living here already. This is their family home and they want to stay here but that's neither here nor there.

Since the man has gone, the dog is understandably grieving for his loss, like the rest of us. But she's also "acting out" or what my OH is calling "spiteful". Now bear in mind she is seven years old, fully house trained and has being a house dog all her life. She's had the odd accident around the house over the years but by the way she's acting you'd swear she's a little puppy again.

1) About a week after my father in law died I had to go back to work. At the end of my shift my OH rang me and told me he'd pick me up when I was finished. That's grand. In he comes to get me. OH is gone for about twenty minutes from the dog, tops. In the time he's gone the dog has ripped a hole in the leather couch cushion and managed to pull some of the sponge out of the cushion. OH disciplined her by putting her outside in the garden for an hour. But she has done this on three other occasions when she's being left on her own for a few minutes.

2) Myself and OH were gone on a weekend away for my birthday. Brother in law said he'd take care of the dog while we're gone. Anyway, one evening Brother in law goes to the gym. Before he goes he leaves the dog out to do her business.

Her usual routine with doing this is that we leave her go outside and about 15 to 20 minutes later the dog starts barking and we leave her back in. The dog hates staying outside any longer than she needs to.

Anyway Brother in law goes to the gym and when he gets back the dog has the hallway and sitting room destroyed with three puddles and she's also defecated a number of times around one of the armchairs. He told us when we got back and he swears blindly he left the dog out until she started barking to come back in.

3) Every night it's a constant battle to get her to go to sleep on her own. She usually goes to sleep in the sitting room on one of the couches. But if we start heading down to bed, she'll run down into our bedroom or brother in laws bedroom and won't budge when you order her to go to her "bed". You have to pick her up and put her back into the sitting room. Once we do get her to settle, the dog will be down outside our bedroom door at some point during the night, crying and scratching at the door to get in. I do realise that she's used to sleeping with somebody but in fairness I never was one for having dogs sleep in the bedroom with me.

And the odd time she does sleep in the bed with us, she makes a nuisance of herself. She won't settle, has to sleep in between myself and the OH, walking around the bed in the middle of the night, licking or biting one of us while we're sleeping.

Now last night it she did her usual routine of running into our bedroom and making herself at home. OH picked her up, bought her back up to the sitting room and came to bed. Brother in law was out celebrating with his rugby team and was out for the night.

Woke up early this morning and saw Brother in laws bedroom door opened (door doesn't shut right and the dog can shove the door open) and saw that the dog had defecated all over his bed and the floor. The dog was in the sitting room, fast asleep on the couch. And again, before anyone asks, the dog was let out to do her business last night, about half an hour before we went to bed.


Honestly the dog has never acted like this before. I do realise that this isn't something the dog is consciously doing, it's acting out of anxiety more so than anything. I know her routine is kinda turned on it's head but in fairness she's never left alone for long periods of time. Both OH and Brother in law go to work around 8 in the morning. I go to work around 3 in the afternoon, brother in law is home for 5:30 pm. Dog is left on her own for a max of two and a half hours. Her feeding times and walking times have stayed the same so there's that. Her sleeping routine is a major issue but as I said, just not comfortable letting the dog sleep in our room.

We're at our wits end here with her. All I am looking for is some advice on what we can do with her behaviour, is there anything that can be done even? At the moment the dog is not allowed out of the kitchen. She's being in there most of the evening. I feel bad for her but OH and brother and law are fuming. They have to throw away the mattress as it she destroyed it. I don't blame them either.

We've being talking about maybe buying her a crate or a cage thing to put her into at night. I have my doubts it'll do anything except stress her out even more, hence why we haven't bought one. But is it an option to consider? Do we leave her grieve and hope she gets out the other side of this phase?

DBB

God op... there's a whole world of trouble and misunderstanding going on here. I won't mince I words, but that's a little dog who's very anxious, very upset, and going to get worse if people keep getting cross with her, keep putting her into the garden for an hour when she has no idea what their rationale is, keep leaving her on her own when she's not used to that, keep expecting her to just accept that everything she knew is now turned upside down? It's not going to happen
It's certainly not spite, dogs don't do spite. She's got all the symptoms of pretty extreme separation anxiety... and punishing anxious behaviour makes the anxiety even worse.
Look, you're going to need to cut her some slack... well, your OH and brother in law... you seem to be kinda caught in the middle?
I know you don't want her in your room... but she's slept in the bed with your father in law for 7 years... she knows nothing else. This is going to be a gradual process that you can't by-pass with this particular dog.
Would you consider allowing her to sleep in a crate in the room with you? Once she's very comfortable in that setting, move her gradually further away from you, inch by inch, as she acclimatises to the change of not having her owner any more. I'd also suggest that you discuss with your vet, at the very least, the use of anxiety-reducing nutraceuticals (Zylkene or Calmex, both available over the counter), or perhaps even something a little stronger to help relieve her anxiety?
Also, use of anxiety-reducing body wraps (Thundershirt), Adaptil diffusers, items of clothing that belonged to your father in law may help her.
Dogs that can't be left alone need to be gradually taught how to cope with solitude. That means getting her used to short absences (depending on the dog, this might mean seconds out of the room), gradually building her up. If she has to be left alone for longer periods, until she has acclimatised to these longer durations, she should be left with someone... neighbour, daycare, relation, to "protect" the work you've done.. she can't be asked to stay alone for longer than she has demonstrated she can cope with.
If you can't do these things, hand on heart, you need to look at what's best for her. She may be happier to be rehomed with someone who can give her the time she needs, and/or who is home all day every day just like her last owner. Whilst family may not want to give up what is a link to their dad... think about what your father in law would have wanted for her. That's the bottom line.
On that note, sincerest condolences on the loss of your father in law, and sorry of I had to be a little harsh when it comes to the dog's wellbeing. His loss was a horrendous shock for all of you. Take care of yourself.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Poor little girl. Her whole world has fallen asunder, try be a little more understanding. DBB has given you some good advice. I hope things get better for all of you

faceman

Sorry about your loss OP, it can't be easy.The poor dog, she doesn't know any better. And obviously this is causing problems for your family OP. I'd echo everything DBB said. Its going to take some time.

She is getting destructive and having toilet incidents in the house because she's afraid. She was use to a being around someone all the time and had a routine. (Dogs love routine)

I'd get out of the arena of applying punishing behaviours and focus on positive reinforcement. IF you want her to do something and she does it, give her a little treat. (And you are going to need ALOT of treats so use very small amounts but reward each positive behaviour). Locking her in 1 room while you are in the house will cause anxiety too.

Not sure if the crate thing will work in the bedroom as if you lock her up in it she may get anxious and bark causing you further problems. Worth trying it but again dont do anything that will cause further anxiety. Reward positive behaviour. Treats in the crate, treats when she gets in the crate and treats when she stays in the crate. If she only stays in the crate for a few minutes thats progress, and try for longer next time.

If possible and you have an item of clothing belonging to your father in law, leave it in the crate too. this may provide great comfort for her.

Best of luck OP

sillysmiles

Her usual routine with doing this is that we leave her go outside and about 15 to 20 minutes later the dog starts barking and we leave her back in. The dog hates staying outside any longer than she needs to.

You say this is her usual routine. Was this your father in laws routine, or what ye have started? Did the brother in law live in the house with his father? Or is everyone who has moved into the house new to her?

TBH, I think there is aboslutley no point in putting a dog outside to go to the toilet. You HAVE TO go outside with her. Otherwise she is just going to stress and wait to try get back in and not worry that she's not going to get back in.

I know this might sound harsh, but the dog is grieving your father in law more than your OH or his brother. The guys know and understand what has happened. This little dog doesn't know and doesn't understand anything except that the person who was her world has disappeared and now stranger people have moved into their (her and her owners) home and are shouting at her and putting her outside.

While dealing with what she is going through maybe a pain in the ass for you guys, she is not doing it from spite. She is a frighted, anxious and lonely little dog.

DBB

Closed at OP's request