College Stresses with added anxiety

Sighnomore

Hi all,

Im a 33 year old mature student, who has decided to go back to college (just completed my first term and it was pretty hard going).
I have tried to get into college for a few years and last year i completed an access course which helped me get in. It was hard on the access course, especially as i'm quite scared of the unfamiliar and meeting new people, but i somehow got through the year as it was part time and everyone was mostly older, so i found a level ground.

For the past few years, i have been dealing with some crippling anxiety added with bouts of depression and derealisation. Also on top of that some high social anxiety and incessant worry about my parents health (who i live with due to financial and Social issues). They are in decent health, in their mid 60's, but i worry about my life without them. Life seems surreal when i think of anything in the future.
Its never ending and my dependency on them up to this stage scares me ( i realise myself it is not healthy). I have lived away but financially its extremely hard to find somewhere to live right now, especially with college. Added with that my social anxiety, that prevents me from pushing myself a lot of the time.

Anyways, i made it to college, found it extremely tough and has gotten to the stage where I'm thinking of quitting. Every day i deal with huge anxiety and fear of being left out. Some days are better than others, but the course i'm doing engages us to be social and perform (its in the arts). This cripples me when i'm feeling low, the thought of having to chat to people who ignore me and even perform infront of them terrifies me.
My class are really young and immature and are extremely cliquey and clingy to each other. I'm the only mature student in my group, theres one other in another group, so i'm finding this extremely hard. They don't seem to want to talk to me and i find being alone in college utterly depressing and stresses me out.
My social anxiety has kinda withdrawn me from the group, i know they talk about people behind their backs and i could be the brunt of a few of them, its not a nice feeling, especially when i just want to be accepted, or invisible.

I'm finding it hard to cope. College is adding anxiety, worries and realisations about life that i didn't think would be so crippling. I worked hard to get here, but i'm not even sure this is the course i want, if i really don't want to go every day. I feel like its driving me a little bit insane with the worry and overthinking. I worry about peoples perceptions of me all the time, its ruined some friendships and basically makes me overthink absolutely every detail, so something like a group assignment in college is terrifying!

I realise i'm a mature student and should be able to suck it up, but i can't find the confidence or ability to change my perceptions (which are mostly altered beyond any truth). I have been to counsellors before and gone through various cbt and counselling etc. I downplay my feelings a lot and tell myself that everyone gets these emotions, i guess i just feel im hyper sensitive to them and anything that triggers one, begins a domino effect.

I guess i just wanted to see if anyone had similar experiences and how did they deal with something like this? One of the few things that makes me relax is thinking that i can quit it at the end of next term. I should be enjoying this but all i want to do is run away which i know is not progressive for me.

Thank you for reading!

Airyfairy12

I can relate to alot of what youve said. Don't drop out of college, if its not the course for you could you try to transfer to a different course? It might be helpful to speak to your college counselor about the problems youre having, most colleges have free or discount services for students. They can also help you to get into a different course if thats what you want to do.
The people in your course are making you feel worse and triggering your anxiety, they sound like very negative and unfriendly people and youre obviously very sensitive to that negativity. You cant change those people, you can only change how you react them, try to be more self focused, put yourself and your feelings first and focus on yourself as being the most important thing, it sounds like youve got these people on pedestals as youre so concerned with what they think of you and not fitting in with them. Their feelings and opinions shouldnt be so important.
I think you should start doing small things for yourself to improve your self esteem. You seem far too focused on other peoples feelings, wants and needs when you really should be concerned only with your own. You cant take your self esteem and happiness from other people, it sounds cheesy but it really can only come from yourself, you can't be looking for approval from other people all of the time.
For your anxiety would you think about taking up a yoga or meditation class or something? I found that to be helpful, you dont have to interact with anyone, youre around people in a non threatening and relaxed environment, this can help you to feel more relaxed around people in general. Books on dealing with anxiety, mindfulness and positive thinking can be helpful too and if theres any group therapies for social anxiety near you id strongly recommend them, you'll build a nice support network with people who are going through the same feelings that you are.
Breathing exercises work too, if youre getting overwhelmed in a situation just take a second to yourself, and focus on taking breaths, grounding exercises work too.
Your aim for college is to get your degree, not make everyone like you or to please everyone so focus on your goal. Think of how great you'll feel when you get your degree, youve worked too hard to throw it away now.
I totally understand where youre coming from in regards to living with your parents because of finances, rent is impossibly high but it might be good for you to start taking baby steps towards gaining independance, could you open a savings account? if you tried to put in a little bit of money every month or few weeks maybe in a year or by the time youve finished your course you'll have saved up enough for a deposit and a few months rent so you wont be struggling. I save up all my change, even 1 and 2 cents, every few months I add it all up, it usually amounts to over a hundred euro so I stick it in my savings account and before I know it ive saved up a fair bit of money so its definitely worth doing.

Sighnomore

I just want to say, your post made my day. I woke up and read it and it seemed to really help trigger something in me. Despite my fears and worries i went to college, it wasn't the easiest day i've ever had but i got through it and somewhat with my head held a bit higher.

So thank you
It's amazing what words can do for someone else. Thank you for taking the time.

Airyfairy12

Sighnomore wrote: »

I just want to say, your post made my day. I woke up and read it and it seemed to really help trigger something in me. Despite my fears and worries i went to college, it wasn't the easiest day i've ever had but i got through it and somewhat with my head held a bit higher.

So thank you
It's amazing what words can do for someone else. Thank you for taking the time.

Your welcome, im delighted it was helpful for you

cml387

Just to support this, my wife went back to college some years ago as a mature and nearly dropped out in the first term.

She reckoned whe was completely out of her depth, everyone seemed to know more than she did and it was just impossible.
But she stuck it out and qualified three years later with first class honours.
The first term is tough, no mistake. But it will get better.

Klonker

If you drop up it will because you find the course hard, not because of your social anxiety, it sounds like you are using as an excuse to 'give up'. Going to college classes and studying is not something that most people like doing,. same as most people don't particularly enjoy the job they end up doing too. So my advice is stick it out, don't have your ready made excuse ready to hand in.

Airyfairy12

Klonker wrote: »

If you drop up it will because you find the course hard, not because of your social anxiety, it sounds like you are using as an excuse to 'give up'. Going to college classes and studying is not something that most people like doing,. same as most people don't particularly enjoy the job they end up doing too. So my advice is stick it out, don't have your ready made excuse ready to hand in.

Social anxiety is a mental illness and it can be completely debilitating. If youve got no personal experience with the disorder then youve got no place in telling someone who's clearly struggling with it that theyre using it as an excuse. Thats like telling someone with clinical depression to cheer up or to stop looking for attention.

Id advise the OP to look into CBT, either see a counselor who has experience treating low self esteem and social anxiety or if thats not feasible right now you can buy books on CBT that can help you work through negative thinking and give you tips and skills in dealing with it.

dcfc91

OP you should look and see what supports are avalable to you on campus. Pop into the mature student office ir the welfare officer in your SU, you don't have to give yourself specifics, just tell them you are having a tough time and ask what supports are there. Many colleges now have a Mature Student Society which organise events to allow mature students to meet, chat, support each other and have fun. In my college the counselling service holds mindfulness classes which are open to all. There is loads of supports that you could be missing out on that would make things a lot easier. So do try to give yourself a chance and fight tooth and nail before dropping out, otherwise you will regret it.