Marriage Course in Cork - is it a scam?

oddface2017

This is my first time posting a thread so I hope I don't ramble on too much.
My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in the next few months in a catholic church, and so we need to do a marriage course.

After checking around online we booked one, hosted by Avalon, last November/early December to do this weekend Saturday 14th of January 2017 in the Radisson Hotel in Little Island, Cork. We also had to pay the whole fee at the time of booking which was 120euro.

We got an email at the start of last week to say that they wouldn't be hosting it at all, because "everyone in our group had elected to do it online at home". But we weren't to worry because even though it is "more expensive" to "Upgrade" they would give us this option for the same price - awww aren't they so good?
Or we could drive from Cork to the Plaza Hotel Tallaght where they will be having one on the 28th of January.

So I rang the Radisson, Little Island,Cork and they told me there was no booking made by Avalon for this weekend at all, and that they've had several different people ringing up looking for the same information as me.

The email from Avalon also said we couldn't ring the number provided as they are in a "terrible reception area".

So we've done the online course which doesn't take that long, and are waiting for the Certificate to be posted, if it gets posted.

Are all marriage courses rubbish? I wouldn't book with Avalon anyway, unless you do want to do it at home online, it's all very shady to me. I would recommend anyone else but not Avalon at all.

I'll update this post if/when we get our certificate.

Athena_A

My fiancé and I looked into Avalon as well as we live in Belgium and online seemed more appealing than going back to Ireland just for the course, but we found out very quickly that most priests will not accept the Avalon certificates.  They'll usually only accept the ones run by the Church, so Accord mainly.  It'll often be mentioned on the parish website.  Have you checked with your parish office if they'll accept the Avalon certs, as the majority won't from what I've seen.

Jwacqui

Same here. We actually wanted to book Avalon and the priest wouldn't accept it so we had to book with Accord.

lazygal

Only the priest marrying you can decide which course is acceptable. You'll need to ask him.

oddface2017

Thanks everyone for the comments. That's all a bit worrying... we are going abroad for the wedding, getting married in the catholic church over there so maybe the priest will miss something in translation.... I've emailed the wedding planner to ask her about this.

One of the girls said her priest here in Ireland said you didn't HAVE TO DO a course but it was preferred... so I suppose it's up to your parish priest?

We did get our Certificate in the post yesterday-Tuesday- so it was very quick if you're looking for something speedy.

It's all a bit mad to me, I would definitely go with Accord if anybody else is reading this.

Athena_A

I'll be booking Accord myself shortly, it's a bit of a hassle to go to Ireland especially for it (definitely seeing it's apparently so old-fashioned in content), but it seems to be the only way.  The priest did say we could do it in Belgium, but my fiance's Dutch is only average so that'd be a nightmare.  In Belgium it's also 6-10 evenings. 
If you're doing it abroad and it's a non English speaking country they may accept it, as they wouldn't know it's not an official Church course.  Of course you may get a particularly nitpicky priest there as well.  Best to get it translated and sent over maybe sooner rather than later, just in case he says no.

Jwacqui

It's not the priest that's marrying you that decides. It's actually your parish priest who you complete the paperwork with.

We are getting married in Laois, priest doing the ceremony is from Tipperary and is a neighbour of my fiancé but we have to complete our documents in the local church and it was this priest who has final say as they are the one signing off on your paperwork.

The priest marrying us had no problem with any course but the parish priest completing the paperwork insisted on Accord.

noveltea

Same thing happened to me. I was coming home for Christmas from Canada to do the course as the course in Canada is about $450. Anyway, course in Bantry was canceled and we had the option of doing it online or off to Tallaght. We did it online. We got the certificate in the post a few days later and that cert said we did the course in Tallaght. My local priest was asking a whole pile of questions about it. Anyway he accepted it and I have been released from my Parrish and free to marry abroad now. Major money racket I thought.

topmanamillion

Definitely a racket.

ec18

Surely all pre marriage courses are rackets

lazygal

ec18 wrote: »

Surely all pre marriage courses are rackets

Yes, but they're part of the deal if you want a catholic wedding. You don't have to do them otherwise.

ec18

lazygal wrote: »

Yes, but they're part of the deal if you want a catholic wedding. You don't have to do them otherwise.

are they really a requirement or does it vary with priest?

clint_silver

ec18 wrote: »

are they really a requirement or does it vary with priest?

Varies with each priest, our priest told us it would be better if we did it but he didnt insist on us doing it. From conversations over the years with other couples it would seem that "most" priests insist its done but certainly not all.

Edit: Just to note, Mrs Silver and I didnt do the course.

Athena_A

For us there wasn't a choice, the cert was listed amongst the required documents.  You can get lucky I've heard, but the large majority of parishes will insist you do it.  The price is a bit ridiculous too I find, ours is 170 euro, insane price.

lazygal

Athena_A wrote: »

For us there wasn't a choice, the cert was listed amongst the required documents. You can get lucky I've heard, but the large majority of parishes will insist you do it. The price is a bit ridiculous too I find, ours is 170 euro, insane price.

It is a choice to have a church wedding, so the costs incurred are entirely discretionary. There is no need to have a church wedding.

ec18

lazygal wrote: »

It is a choice to have a church wedding, so the costs incurred are entirely discretionary. There is no need to have a church wedding.

Very true, being cynical though it does seem like outsourcing of the priests responsibility to a fee charging arm of the church :P That's me being cynical though

pwurple

Do you know the priests at all?

I don't know how this has changed so much. we're in Cork, and my siblings were all married in different churches around the city ( we had a priest but not a church). No marriage courses required for any of us. had a chat with the priest, who we knew already, and that was it. We're only talking like 2 years ago here for the most recent.

crisco10

We did ours with together.ie . Was a bit cheaper (€100) than accord and we checked with priest before we booked and he was happy out with that one.

Athena_A

I know a church wedding is a choice, but the price of the course still is outrageous.  It's not like it's an eyeopener for most people, they're not exactly adapted to the modern day couple.

lazygal

Athena_A wrote: »

I know a church wedding is a choice, but the price of the course still is outrageous.  It's not like it's an eyeopener for most people, they're not exactly adapted to the modern day couple.

But the course is for people who are catholic and having a catholic wedding, so of course it will only refer to natural family planning etc - they are church teachings after all which catholics are supposed to follow.
We chose to have a humanist wedding and that incurred a fee. That was our choice though, it would have been the same if we were catholics and decided on a catholic wedding, choices come with costs.

clint_silver

lazygal wrote: »

But the course is for people who are catholic and having a catholic wedding, so of course it will only refer to natural family planning etc - they are church teachings after all which catholics are supposed to follow.
We chose to have a humanist wedding and that incurred a fee. That was our choice though, it would have been the same if we were catholics and decided on a catholic wedding, choices come with costs.

This bit should be at the preface to the answer of any question on here about costs of anything. Will be re-used.

oddface2017

Yes it is a personal choice to get married in a church but I have to agree it's a mental amount of money for a small piece of paper, which for us, didn't represent much to do with Catholic beliefs at all so I don't agree with that bit.

I'll definitely update this post when we consult with our parish priest and of course if it passes inspection when we go abroad.

bee06

I really enjoyed our pre-marriage course and there was absolutely no religion over or undertones. No mention of family planning, natural or otherwise.

It was all about communication, being on the same page on the big decisions etc, which apparently not everyone is.