Please tell me what to do.

Cocogaff

My daughter is in a abusive relationship.If I'm. Honest she seems to enjoy annoying and testing her partner. HE seeks comfort in coke.And weed.
She has been beaten and bitten coming.home woth black eyes.She keeps going back to him.I am.now held to ramson.If I give out to her for any reason eg leaving the place like a.tip I..told to back.off or I'll go back to him.
Then when she does go back I get called every name.under the sun.
I have tried to help her.I can't chain her to the house to keep away from.him.when she is with him.he listens to every conversation. Every message is read.She is timed if she wants to go out .Questioned if she weara makw up.Then they split.and.she.comes home.I.then get called names by him.Phone calls ...
How can I help.stop this cycle.
It's really affecting.my health. I can't sleep.My younger kids are listening to me been called.a.cun ¥ .
I don't know why she goes back.
I.Don't know why he puts up with her when she can be so cruel.
Only for the violence to start again.

Penny Tration

All you can do is be there.


Keep being supportive, and keep being there for her when she comes running for help.


I know she's acting out with you and using him as leverage, but if you cut her off, she'll be exactly where he wants her - with no support network.


Encourage her to call Women's Aid and the police when or if it happens again. Encourage her to seek counselling for herself, and to talk to her GP.


Until she decides to leave him for good though, all you can do is let her know you're there and never stop being there for her.

Loveinapril

It is a really difficult situation to be in but it is up to her to end the cycle. You can offer her support and be there when times are bad but you cannot make her leave him. You can, however, tell her when her behaviour and language to you is inappropriate. She should not be abusing you in your own home- you CAN stop that.

Big Bag of Chips

How old is she? I think you should ring Women's Aid to get advice for yourself. I know she's in a dangerous relationship, but she continues to do what she does to you because there are no consequences. She even taunts you by threatening to go back to him.

Upsetting as it is for you, you cannot change her behaviour no matter how much you want to. But you can stop tolerating her abuse of you. If that means telling her she is not allowed back in to the house where her younger siblings have to witness her carry on towards you, then so be it. It would break my heart to see my daughter in that kind of relationship, but you have younger children you also need to protect.

Are things ever calm? Are there ever nice times between you? If you could get her at a good time, when there's no tension or aggression and try to talk to her at that point, you might have some chance of making her see sense. Once she starts going off on you, then all reasoning is gone out the window.

Whatever her reasons for sticking with this relationship it doesn't look like that cycle is going to end any time soon. I'm finding it very difficult to say tell her she can't come home the next time she walks out. It's probably what you should do... But I know if it was my daughter I'd find it almost impossible to say that to her.

Heart breaking situation for you, OP. Hopefully she grows up soon.

The Princess Bride

My daughter was in a house share with a girl like your daughter.
Nothing they told her made a difference at all.
She started being verbally abusive to her housemates and physically threatening to them too.

Sadly a friendship of almost a decade ended and they're no longer in touch and this stunning intelligent girl is still with the a$$hole.

Look after yourself and your other children in the hope that you've equipped your daughter with enough to eventually see sense.
Remember, if you live with criticism you learn to condemn, she's doing to you as he does to her.
Not acceptable but the poor girl knows no different.

Take care.

Xterminator

Penny Tration wrote: »

All you can do is be there.

not true.

you can cut her off. explain to your younger children that this is not normal or acceptable behaviour and make sure they dont see this behaviour as normal.

minikin

What does her father think of his daughter getting beaten up????