Couples with completely different interests

sashafierce

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Tom Mann Centuria

I presume this difference in attitude isn't new and If you and your partner are happy then ignore what other people say, it has zero to do with them. As many people complain they can't do their own thing in relationships because they do everything with their partners and feel stifled.

There is no right or wrong.

silverharp

I dont think you have to have the same interests, you can make a good team by being complementary.

Big Bag of Chips

Why let other people influence a relationship that has obviously been working for a long time? Were you happy with it until people started commenting? Or were you always wishing he'd come along with you? Is there ever compromise?

We click with our partners for whatever reasons. I have many friends all married/in relationships and I don't envy any of them!! I don't think any of them look at me and envy me! There would be things about their husbands that I just couldn't be doing with! I'm sure they think similar of my husband!! What I mean by that, is I gel with my husband, and they gel with theirs. I could never imagine falling for any of their husbands in a past life! It's funny, as friends we would have very similar attitudes, but completely different taste in men personality wise!! What I'm trying to say is my relationship works for me, and their relationships work for them. What works for them wouldn't be my cup of tea, same as my relationship wouldn't suit them! That's why we've all settled down with the individual men that we have.

If it works for you and you're happy, who cares what anyone else says? Usually people are just making conversation, not exactly challenging you on it! If you're not happy with it, talk to your bf.

eviltwin

As long as you have at least one thing to connect you I don't think it matters. I share virtually no interests with my husband, it's never been a problem. We both enjoy our own space and while it means we have friends and acquaintances the other hasn't met and while some people think that's a sign of distance or disconnection it's not the case. We make sure we do at least one thing together where we're not talking about the house or the kids and that's enough. Don't mind other people and their comments. Spending time together isn't the same as quality time.

sashafierce

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Dr Crayfish

sashafierce wrote: »

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So he doesn't like holidays? Well, a lot of people would love to be in your shoes where you get to holiday alone, and have a break from your partner, without it being a big deal. I actually think you've a good thing going on there.

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sashafierce wrote: »

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It seems like what has the potential to come between you is concern over the optics of the situation rather than any conflict between ye? If it's working it's working, it'd be a real shame to start to doubt a healthy functional relationship because of the opinions of others.

I can relate to you in a way. I have a very large, very close extended family and my OH doesn't, a lot of my social life revolves around family events. He's not into it at all at all so I go to most of those on my own. If there are ones that are particularly important to me and that I'd really like him to be there for, I'll let him know that and he'll come along.

It works fine for us, I'm not someone who'd prefer their partner to be there and miserable than be absent, but like yourself I do get the comments. And depending on who's commenting a lot of the time it is just easier to say couldn't make it than say he didn't want to.

Would you like him to come on one of your holidays or do you enjoy them fine on your own? Do you feel that you could discuss that with him without him reacting badly?

Tbh people seem to expect people in long term relationships to be joined at the hip just because. Try not to let it get to you I say

ncmc

You sound very like my SIL and her husband. They don't really have any interests in common, she loves to travel whereas he is a real homebird. They each have separate groups of friends. He only occasionally goes on family holidays. She goes with her friends or family. It wouldn't be for me personally, my husband and I would have very similar interests. But it works for them, they're together 11 years, 3 kids and one of the happiest couples I know!

If it works for you, then to hell with whatever anybody else thinks. Your relationship is none of their business. If you feel you'd prefer him to be more involved in your trips. Then maybe a compromise could be reached where you do one big holiday together and you have smaller breaks with your friends or family. But do what suits you and your partner. Tell everyone else to butt out!

Jurgen Klopp

Jesus an OH who'd be happy go on holiday or to family events on her own and happily leave me alone sounds like heaven tbh :P

sashafierce

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Big Bag of Chips

What's your exact question, sasha?

Is it about what others think, or is it about you being incompatible, or is it about you wanting your boyfriend to travel with you?

We can't tell you what he should or shouldn't do. It won't make him do it! He is who he is, and you're in a "very long term" relationship with him. If you're not happy with certain aspects of your relationship, discuss it with him and see can you reach a compromise. Hypothetical what he should do won't change what he actually does do!

Talking to him, not others is the only way to figure it all out.

ted1

Me and my wife gave completely different interests, her' s are shopping and lunching. Mine are kite surfing, rock climbing etc. We have three kids, together 20 Years married 8.

Opposites attract, we both have our own thing,but have each other.

leggo

Like BBOC, I'm going back and forth on what the actual issue is. You say you're happy enough, but that's confusing because then when you come on and post that there's a problem, I'm trying to figure out if you saying you're happy with how things are is you trying to convince yourself or if you actually are grand and people are getting into your head and make you over-think things and find problems where there are none. You're not posting anon, so you're obviously confident he won't see this, so don't be afraid to say. You don't have to do anything about it and if you can post how you actually feel then everyone can tailor their advice as such.

Are you happy going on trips alone or not? Do you want to be with someone who wants to do this stuff with you? Or do you just want everyone to stop asking questions? All are legitimate concerns, there's no wrong answer.

Merkin

You've been warned before Sasha about opening threads in PI hoping to illicit discussion rather than advice. It's noted that you've refrained from starting a new thread every couple of weeks as was your previous form but I think this thread has now run its course. Best of luck.