Introvert problems

LegacyUser

Hello everyone, just looking for some perspective on this. Im very introverted, I grew up in a very isolated place and was usually on my own as a child, playing alone in my room or just generally by myself and I didn't have very many friends.
Being alone is comfortable for me and I find it difficult to interact and be around others. That being said I like being around people im comfortable with and I genuinely like people.

My problem is as an introvert I find im not really accepted anywhere, ive had job interviews were I was asked if im usually so quiet because theyre looking for more energetic people, ive been told by another interviewer that id be required to be more outgoing and confident for the job and that they didnt think I was suitable. I have all the qualifications and experience that I gained through unpaid volunteer work, ive got shining references but because im quiet im overlooked.

Extroverted people seem to go out of their way to try and make me feel uncomfortable. Im sensitive to negativity and aggressive behaviour, ive tried to improve on this but its something ive just had to accept about myself.
So things like putting me on the spot in front of other people, shouting at me rather than speaking to me normally, assuming im a push over so they'll try to put me in awkward positions or attempt to walk all over me, ask me aggressively can they have personal items belonging to me and then look insulted when I say no. Ive been bullied most of my life by extroverted people.

Some try to 'help me' by ordering me about, telling me what to do, insisting I say this or I do that and then claim theyre just 'trying to get me out of my shell' or they tell me I need to be more assertive. Most other people become genuinely annoyed at my quiet demeanor and seem to either take it as a personal insult or treat me like ive just murdered their dog or im looked down upon like im stupid or it's assumed that im weird and have something wrong with me, i've overheard people in the past refer to me as weird because im quiet.. I really do care about other people and try to make an effort to get along with others but I find it so hard as being a quiet person other people rarely have the time of day for me.
I know that these kinds of people are impossible to avoid but im finding it really hard to cope. Its effected me so much that I can feel myself turning into a recluse, the thoughts of putting myself back out there and trying to please everybody. I just want to be allowed to be myself.
Anyone have experience with this?

Eric Cartman

Extroverted people seem to go out of their way to try and make me feel uncomfortable. Im sensitive to negativity and aggressive behaviour, ive tried to improve on this but its something ive just had to accept about myself.
So things like putting me on the spot in front of other people, shouting at me rather than speaking to me normally, assuming im a push over so they'll try to put me in awkward positions or attempt to walk all over me, ask me aggressively can they have personal items belonging to me and then look insulted when I say no. Ive been bullied most of my life by extroverted people.

I will with a 99% degree of certainty say that this paragraph is completely untrue, people aren't just either introverted or extroverted, we all have elements of both. Extroverted people would tend to be more forward and may communicate a bit louder. I think you're taking their standard mannerisms as some sort of attack on you or 'bullying' . Im not going to say you haven't been bullied in your life, but to say it was always by extroverts, that they're doing it because they're extroverts or that being an extrovert is somehow a bad thing is a bit of a falsehood.

Stop looking at this as a 'them and us' scenario or that they're the enemy , it just restricts you far too much , especially when you talk about job interviews , management, CEO's , recruiters, HR people - almost always going to be more on the extrovert side of the scale.

GritBiscuit

IntrovertProblems wrote: »

Being alone is comfortable for me and I find it difficult to interact and be around others.

IntrovertProblems wrote: »

I just want to be allowed to be myself.

These two sentences jumped out at me OP. What is it you want here? Do you want to become less introverted and more outgoing - or do you want your current level of introversion to be universally accepted? The first I can try and offer some advice on, the latter, not so much...

Look, if it's just perspective you are looking for, first off I think you need to stop blaming those nasty extroverts for behaving in a way that makes you feel socially awkward. We live in a world where a certain level of social interaction is a necessary daily occurrence for most people; most jobs consider an outgoing personality a plus point and most social occasions benefit more from chatter than silences...which is why so many on the extrovert/introvert spectrum (and it is a multi-layered spectrum) force themselves out of their comfort zones in order to get ahead in or improve their job/love life/social life...the net result is assertion and self-confidence are viewed as positive traits to both have and exhibit.

Also...shouting at you/general aggression, looking down on you, assuming access to personal effects or trying to walk all over you are asshole behaviours - they are not the sole domain of extroverts but I imagine most chancers fall on the extrovert side of the spectrum...that's not to say all extroverts are assholes. Avoid the assholes like the rest of us but don't automatically write off anyone that's a bit assertive/confident or you're doing yourself a massive disservice.

Best of luck

LLMMLL

You must be extremely quiet for it to come up in job interviews. They basically consist of people asking you questions and you answering them. So if you're somehow not responding to direct questions then of course most people would see that as problematic. Have you ever thought about asking help for this issue?

Mystery Egg

I'm married to an introvert. All this means is that he is worn out from social interactions and requires loads of time alone to recharge.

Introvert does not mean shy, silent or awkward. My husband does a great interview. He's never been turned down for a job in fact.

So the good news is you can work on the shyness, silence and awkwardness. Do some mock interviews. Work on your self confidence. Find tools for managing social anxiety. Concentrate on nurturing one or two friendships. Use this as an opportunity for growth.

DanielODonnell

You sound very similar to me, I am naturally quiet and have a quiet voice which makes it worse but I suppose that it something I could make more effort with as a lot of it down to social laziness and social anxiety, CBT or something could help with this.

A lot of people are very rude and don't think twice about insulting you but there are some decent people too who don't give you a hard time, when you are working with people who have insulted and laughed at you it is very hard to have the motivation to talk with them as most of the time it is wasted effort as they'll just laugh at you behind your back. On various occasions I have spoken more to the other person than they have spoken to me yet they still make jokes about how I hardly talk much.

I will always be quiet and unsociable but to be able to survive in this world I think I need to improve on my social skills and try to be a bit more sociable on a long term basis which can be very difficult as it is hard to keep motivated.