I think my husband overheard my conversation

JennyS3

Hi again. I posted my problem in After Hours but somebody said I should post in Relationships instead. 
I'm worried about something that happened on Monday and I could really use some advice
My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. Our life together has been really really great. (We recently started talking about having a baby!) 
Anyway to make a long story shorter, when we were dating I realized that he was, let's just say, less experienced than I was. I didn't want him to feel awkward or make things weird so I basically toned down my experience. It was not a big deal and I knew that he was my forever man.
This past Monday we were at a couple's home for a party. There were a bunch of people there - some we knew, some we didn't. Anyway, at some point I was in the kitchen with my girlfriend - she and I go back forever. We were both a bit tipsy and she started gossiping about a guy who was there. That guy was a guy I "dated" in the past. It started on a physical level and never got serious. He was all about the physical and all sorts of edgy (he liked the bum).  One time he convinced me to try to bring my girlfriend in.... which I did...  Anyway, she brought that up and was all giggly and asking if I remembered.  
I think, but I'm not positive, that at some point, out of the corner of my eye I saw my husband. When I turned around he wasn't there. I asked my girlfriend if she saw anything. She said no she didn't and that I was imagining things. Anyway, the conversation ended right there and then. I got really worried that he may have heard us. I don't know for sure though. And if he did, I don't know what and how much he heard. When we got back to the party he was there and seemed OK.  On the drive home though, I thought he was kind of quiet but I wasn't sure.
I've been stressing ever since. My husband does not know about that guy at all - let alone the stuff we did together. He also doesn't know of the sorts of things I did in the past.  In the last couple of days he has just not been himself. He seems a bit distant or distracted or something. So I'm stressing that he did overhear.
I just don't know what to do right now. If he did hear, maybe I should say something before he does. Is that a good idea? And if it is, how do I bring it up and what do I say? Or should I let him bring it up? What if he doesn't bring it up? And then there's a chance he didn't hear and I'm just being paranoid and I should just keep my mouth shut.

I don't know what the best thing to do is. I would really appreciate any suggestions. Thanks.

road_high

Jeese we all have our sexual and relationship histories...I don't see how it is any concern or business of your husbands?
Unless you told him you were a virgin I don't see the big issue if he heard you or not?

JennyS3

road_high wrote: »

Jeese we all have our sexual and relationship histories...I don't see how it is  any concern or business of your husbands?
Unless you told him you were a virgin I don't see the big issue if he heard you or not?

I know I know.  For sure we all have histories. It's just that when we discussed our pasts, I never told him about any of the "crazy" stuff. So if he did hear, he's not a happy man. How do I handle all that?

road_high

JennyS3 wrote: »

I know I know.  For sure we all have histories. It's just that when we discussed our pasts, I never told him about any of the "crazy" stuff. So if he did hear, he's not a happy man. How do I handle all that?

I don't see what good can come from raking all this up?
And if you're forthright about your history, then I'm sure he has one too?
I really don't see why you need to get into "crazy" details with him. You weren't married then

Turtle_

JennyS3 wrote: »

I know I know.  For sure we all have histories. It's just that when we discussed our pasts, I never told him about any of the "crazy" stuff. So if he did hear, he's not a happy man. How do I handle all that?

Tell him the truth. You were uncomfortable about telling him the details of your past.

Airyfairy12

Is he that much of a prude? you sound like an old couple from the 50's. Like the last poster said unless you told him you were a virgin when you met then who cares? its just sex and its none of your husbands business, its not like you were going out with him at the time.

laserlad2010

I'm putting myself in his shoes.

I'm married to a woman I might feel sexually inexperienced with. I go to a party and when I seek her out I overhear her gossiping with a friend about another guy who's at the party - not only did my wife sleep with him but did some crazy stuff that I may never get to experience with her.

That guy is at the party too.

I'm only human, but I'd feel off about it. It's not about what you did before you were married! It's more about the woman you love chatting excitedly about doing things in the past with a guy who is at this party.

Look, the perfect textbook thing is for him to be totally 100% cool about this. Guess what, we're all human. And I'm guessing the majority of people would be... not angry... but perhaps intimidated? Is that the right word?

Your husband may well get over it. If he's human, and overheard it, he might just have a little crisis of confidence, given your mutual background.

I think you should ask him if anything is bothering him. You're a team, you can get through this. Just re imagine the story but put yourselves in each others shoes. How would you feel?

The Princess Bride

The only way you'll know is by asking him.
Say that you feel he's quieter than usual and ask whether anything is bothering him.
And take it from there.

I wouldn't be mentioning the party on the off chance he didn't overhear your conversation.

We all have our pasts.
(FWIW- Myself and my best friend once brought home a gorgeous guy and the 3 of us slept together - all sleep and absolutely nothing else whatsoever.
I'd hate anyone to overhear us talking about that because it was all zzzzzs and no xxxxxs!)

laserlad2010

Hi OP, I've now read the AH version and you've given more info there than on here.

What do you mean by the fact that he wouldn't be impressed with what you enjoyed doing before? Will that not cause friction? Why would you not suggest stuff in the bedroom that you've done before?

As I think about it this guy has now seen a side to you he didn't know about. He now realises you played stuff down (harsher interpretation - lied). He may be wondering what else you've played down.

An imagination can be your worst enemy at times. Perhaps the truth will be better than what he's thinking right now?

Also, personally, I feel if you're that incompatible in the bedroom, with no attempt to fix it, I anticipate trouble for you ahead.

Bambi985

How's your sex life with your husband? You talk about "toning it down" with him, are you suppressing your own desires just to placate him? Are you secretly craving a more adventurous sex life?

Saipanne

If I was him and I did hear that, I would be bothered more by the fact that I was in the same room as the guy immediately after hearing that.

You'd want to be made of stone not to be affected in that situation.

I've no idea what you should do though.

lifeandtimes

I'll mirror what other people said,it's not the fact you have a past but if he did over hear it would be the fact you were gossiping about a 3 way with another guy who's in the same room. Not sure any lad in the world wouldn't be put off by that.

You have your past and you don't need to tell him about it but you were gossiping about it at a party with the other party and your husband there which was very silly.

Talk to your husband and see if something is bothering him and see his reaction and go from there. If this is bothering sit down and talk to him and apologise. Then work on your own relationship sex wise as you have to tone things down which shouldn't happen,see if he is open to things you like and vice versa