Ever a good idea?

Jasper_

Before I start, I think I know what the advice will be on this - invariably "don't". However, i'm asking if anyone can relate to this idea, or even if you may have acted on it.

OK, in a nutshell. About 4 years ago I went out with a girl for 2 years. Mad about her and all that. She broke up with me and I took it badly. Very badly. I was in really bad shape for a long time over it and even to this day she still occupies a very small portion of my thoughts.

I've had a girlfriend since and few short lived romances. However, I can't fully shake the comparisons in my mind when I meet a new girl. This whole "the one that got away" image in my head which persists. Which possibly leads me to not give girls a fair chance.

So, I have this crazy idea that I can't shake.

That I will call this girl up and ask her to meet for a cup of coffee. We will meet, and I will see that I had built her up 10 fold in my mind. I will come away thinking "jaysus how was I idolizing her". Not in a horrible way, but you know what I mean... she wont occupy any space in my head any more.

That, OR it could be a disaster and completely go the other way.

I'm fairly sure she would meet for a coffee too by the way we left things and how she tried contacting me for a while after.

Right, so tell me this idea is nuts? Is this ever a good idea?!

leggo

I mean...I know people who've done it and come away from it glad that they did and getting the closure you're seeking, but I also know more people who just had to go through the emotions of the break-up all over again.

The problem with this is that, so often, when you bump into an ex or meet up with them the memories that come flooding back are the happy ones, not the ones that broke you guys up. But they're still very real and still apply. So the trend tends to be: things go great for a bit, heads get wrecked almost instantly, things go sour, people wish old emotions hadn't been dragged up.

Doing this risks putting you back at stage one and going through all the negativity again - the 'bad. Really bad' stuff - is that something you want to risk? Because that's the scenario that's vastly more likely, especially since she did the breaking up and this is all coming from your end. If it was her asking, maybe (MAYBE) it'd be different, but it's not. Sometimes you're better leaving the past in the past.

Rekop dog

The idea is nuts. You don't want to have a coffee with her, you want to get back with her. For whatever reason she split up with you, she doesn't want to be with you. I'm sure the contact after was her being compassionate but nothing else. You need to delete/block her off all platforms so this bad idea can't be an option. Seeing her again will only make it ten times worse because you clearly still have feelings for her, the best closure you can get is to wipe her out of your life for good.

You've probably got the January blues and these feelings are accentuated, try book a short trip away for yourself or with a mate if you can to take your mind off her and cheer yourself up.

LegacyUser

Is it ever a good idea? Sometimes. But in your scenario, as you're the dumpee and not the dumper, it's probably not a good idea. Had you been the one who had dumped her and were now having second thoughts etc. the door may well be open but she dumped you and well...closed the door.

Closure can be overrated you know - she didn't choose to be with you and that should be closure enough.

colmdel

bahamanana wrote: »

Is it ever a good idea? Sometimes. But in your scenario, as you're the dumpee and not the dumper, it's probably not a good idea. Had you been the one who had dumped her and were now having second thoughts etc. the door may well be open but she dumped you and well...closed the door.

Closure can be overrated you know - she didn't choose to be with you and that should be closure enough.

Id have to agree with this OP, try your best to move on

Mr. Incognito

Let me save you the bother.

She's not that great. No-one is. Memory blocks the bad times and promotes the good.

You have built her up in your mind.

Just move one and find someone who is compatiable with you and who is interested in you

Airyfairy12

I dont think youve got anything to lose by going for coffee with her, you might even become friends or at the very least you'll bury the hatchet and gain closure.

Nobodies perfect and I do think that you've put her on a pedestal.

Bambi985

I disagree, I think you have everything to lose.

It's already been four years and you're still hung up on her. What happens if you meet up and all of these feelings come to the surface and she rejects you again? Or she's in a new relationship, or married, or has moved on completely (most likely). Will you spend the next four years comparing every other woman you meet to her?

I think you should let go of this idea, accept that it's over and she's no longer in your life and truly move on. Stop living in the past.