How to make gay friends or even get a date these days?

xc220

Hey all,
I'm 28 and only the last few years have I come to terms that I'm gay, but I've been travelling those years, so I've been away from home, and only my close mates know I am. I'm back now and I just dunno how to go about making any gay friends Like I go on the apps and the sites, and sure enough everyone is grand for a sex meet but that's it. I was recently kinda seeing a guy the last few weeks but sure enough he ended that for someone else, and that was the first time I've experienced "dating" in Dublin in so long. How do people do it? I mean why is something that seems so normal and natural, so dam hard?! Are there meetups on this even? I dunno...just sort of at a wits end now -_-

Meetup.com is a great resource for meeting new people.
There are some LGBT-specific social groups on there, Wet & Wild is probably the most popular one. It's a sports/social/outdoor pursuits group and a good one for meeting new people and trying out activities you mightn't normally do.
www.meetup.com/Wet-Wild/

There's a (non LGBT-specific) Meetup group called called 20-somethings which, as the name suggests, is aimed at people in their twenties (though a good few people in their early thirties attend as well). This one's also a good place to meet new friends. They have meetups every Wednesday night at 7pm, in a different bar.
https://www.meetup.com/20-Somethins/

I've never joined any of the dating groups on Meetup, so I don't know if any of them have LGBT members or not. There's no specific LGBT dating group on Meetup afaik (though that's not to say there won't ever be one).

Annasopra

Wet and wild is great and there are about 10 or different lgbt groups in Dublin on meetup.com

Is there anything else that interests you op?

There are a range of other activities; squash, soccer, rugby, hiking, music, film, books that I can think of off the top of my head.

Ten of Swords

Are apps and sites the only things you have tried? If so then I'm not surprised you only ever found people looking for sex. There are plenty of happy stories where people have met friends and partners on apps but these would be the exception, not the rule.

If you want to make some gay/bi friends you could try going to a gay bar, alone or with straight mates if they would go with you. If that's not your scene then I think your other option, which the other posters have alluded to, is to join a gay social group and see what happens.

There are a list of social clubs and groups in the resources sticky at the top of the forum. Joeytheparrot mentioned a few in his post, check out their websites and see if any of them would suit you.

Ash885

I started going to the local drag shows during the week, either by myself or on my own. While initially not my scene, there were a regular crowd going that I naturally fell into and have to say have become some of my best friends. From that, you meet their friends, and their friends etc. until its a web of connections.

My point is, the app angle is grand but is very narrow. A group will expand your social circle. Gay bars, while not everyone's cup of tea, is a great opportunity to mingle with potential mates.

xc220

I have taken a look at meetup and yeah there does seem to be a good option, but in terms of gay mates, I guess DIGS is the best one as it seems to be fairly active. Wet and Wild I will check out too and see how it goes. I'll just have to muster the courage to go there now haha! Thanks for the advice there..

I have tried to find some social groups to be fair, especially in the likes of art and running but it seems to be fairly hard, at least to find in terms of local to me you know..but I'll keep going at it. I'm not trying to make excuses I just really am struggling is all. I mean that's why I go with the apps mostly, because it seems to be the most used sort of method. But you're like an alien with two heads looking to just hang out...it's shocking like!

Actually, would you believe I went to the George for the first time last week. It was a random decision by me and my mate while we were out for lunch. It was actually great craic, it's a fun spot, but to go on my own seems daunting. I mean that goes for all clubs in general because it isn't easy for me to approach others and strike up conversations ya know, and it's not like I get attention easy either haha! I'd like to go out to the scene, but on my own, I don't think I'm just ready for that yet haha!

Sure that's it, I mean I feel like once I just get chatting to one other, I'll be able to break into the circle of more haha :P

Thanks so much for the help everyone. I really appreciate it. Any more words or help there are, let me know. Thanks

RagsOBrien

I have been thinking exactly the same thing as you OP. I have been on some of the dating apps and making friends or even finding someone who is interested in a relationship has failed me.

I have been abroad as well and am thinking of joining some of the meetup groups in Dublin for LGBT. I've never been but there are groups like outhouse, running amach, a hiking group and even a choir. There are also boards.ie meetups I think. I am planning to become active in at least one of these groups/meetups.

Would you consider something like that? I do understand where you're coming from about being nervous going to things on your own. That's what stopped me from going to meetups before but new year and all that jazz. So maybe worth a shot for you ( :!

pauliebdub

I agree with the other posts and strongly suggest joining a group where you will meet friendly and genuine people. There's wet and wild, also a hill walking group, soccer and rugby teams and a couple of choirs.

Avoid the apps, it's for guys looking for sex or idly chatting and browsing, they'll only make you feel bad about yourself.

louloumc89

You could try looking for an event like this (Alt Speed Friending/Speed Dating) or approach the different gay organisations to run something similar in Dublin?

This event is in Limerick (I'm involved in running it), but could be replicated in Dublin if Limerick is too far! The tag line is literally, make friends or maybe more, so its no pressure like if it was exclusively speed dating.