Any views appreciated

LegacyUser

Going posting anonymous here as I'm going taking a break from boards for a while. But before I do I'm just looking for advice, success stories, words of wisdom/encouragement etc. So I'll be soon turning 33 and been single last 9 months after the woman I taught was the one broke up with me. As a man and seeing most of my male friends and cousins in relationships it has really got me down to be honest, knocked my confidence and I'm seriously questioning whether that was my shot at love. I've tried moving on, being on first dates with 3 women I met online but nothing came from it. Just has me re-living all the things I could have done in last relationship or why I didn't do certain things. Being thinking why things can't work out for me but do for everyone else. I met my ex online and she was my first real serious love and before her I didn't really have a meaningful relationship. Never really met someone out and click like you hear most people do so I guess I'm not really good at that kind of thing. So sometimes I think that every decent nice girl is snapped up by now and maybe I should accept that I'll never meet anyone even though deep down I really hope that's not true. I suppose I'm panicking as it's just hit me where I am in my life. Sorry for long post but hope I made some kind of sense

LegacyUser

Bump..

team_actimel

Sorry to hear about the break up of your relationship. Do you feel you're nearly over her after the 9 months of being single or has time helped?

It is true that a lot of decent girls are snapped up, but that's not to say they are not some out there in a similar situation as you.

It is harder to meet people as you get older and I think you should be more proactive.
If I was single now, I would join meetup groups. I've seen them online where people meet up for various nights out, gigs, activities, hiking etc and I'm guessing a lot of these are single people looking to meet others. It'll get your confidence up, meet new people and you'll start enjoying life more.

BetsyEllen

In a rut wrote: »

Going posting anonymous here as I'm going taking a break from boards for a while. But before I do I'm just looking for advice, success stories, words of wisdom/encouragement etc. So I'll be soon turning 33 and been single last 9 months after the woman I taught was the one broke up with me. As a man and seeing most of my male friends and cousins in relationships it has really got me down to be honest, knocked my confidence and I'm seriously questioning whether that was my shot at love. I've tried moving on, being on first dates with 3 women I met online but nothing came from it. Just has me re-living all the things I could have done in last relationship or why I didn't do certain things. Being thinking why things can't work out for me but do for everyone else. I met my ex online and she was my first real serious love and before her I didn't really have a meaningful relationship. Never really met someone out and click like you hear most people do so I guess I'm not really good at that kind of thing. So sometimes I think that every decent nice girl is snapped up by now and maybe I should accept that I'll never meet anyone even though deep down I really hope that's not true. I suppose I'm panicking as it's just hit me where I am in my life. Sorry for long post but hope I made some kind of sense

Were the 3 girls you met for first dates not nice, decent girls?
Just because they weren't for you doesn't mean they are not these things.

OP there are thousands of nice, decent, single girls in this country.

You need to spend more time getting over your ex. If you're still thinking of her as the one and your last shot at love, then you're not ready to meet someone else and if you do they have no chance of comparing no matter how lovely they are.

There is no harm in being single, the right person will come along when you are ready but right now it doesn't sound like you are.
You're only 33, you've loads and loads of time.
Try to stop putting so much thought into how you're miserable being single, when you find your thoughts drifting this way get up and do something.
Try and enjoy the life you have at the moment so that when the right person does come your way you are ready to give them your all instead of entertaining lingering thoughts of a previous relationship that went wrong.

Rubberchikken

i think there are plenty of single, decent women out there, the trick is in connecting with them.
if you managed to do it before, then chances are you can replicate that.

it's good that nothing came of the dates with the women after you broke up. rushing into something isn't the way to go and you just weren't ready. you may have had hopes and dreams in that relationship and to have them shattered is sad and does hurt and takes time to recover from.
you will recover and tbh it's good that you see where you could have improved in that relationship. take those improvments with you and put yourself in a position where you can meet women.
you sound like a decent person who has been hurt. don't let that hurt stop you from achieving what you dream of.
good luck

LegacyUser

I would agree with what rubberchicken said.

Get involved in groups and go out with the intention of making friends. Don't look on every woman is she could be the one. Spend time getting to know someone one and always wear a condom when you have sex.

When you meet someone still try to keep in contact and make time to see friends on your own. I have seen both males and female make their boyfriend/girlfreind their whole life and then if things go wrong they wonder where their freinds are.

Ok your now almost 33 and you see freinds/relations in relationships but for you all you know they could be staying together becasue they don't want to be on their own. I have seen couples getting married because they are together x number of years or have a child. I know people who were told don't marry him or her but they still did and a few years later they have split up. These spilts are never easy due to money, houses and or when children are involved.

In your 30's you know yourself well, your normally doing ok career and money wise and you have life experince which can help you make better choices when it comes to realtionships.

We all make mistakes in life but it is important to learn from them and then move on.

I know a man who is now older than you. He had 2 broken engagements with the same type of woman. He rushes from one relationship to another as he does not like been on his own. He never stops to think where did this relationship go wrong and what can I do different next time.

He had a female friend who liked him and they hooked up one night. He then decided he did not want a realtionship with her and was nasty in what he said to her then.

After this he got involved with another woman of the same type. Within a few weeks his new girlfriend was pergnant. They broke up after a few months. This man now has a baby growing up abroad. He knows this child is his due to a dna test.

My friend the lady he rejected told me recently that she heard he is giving his ex hardly any money for their baby and that he is in financial trouble.

She told me I am so glad I did not get involved with him.

I told you the above story to make you realise that some times things happen for a reason and at the time you can't see the reason why but later it becomes clear.

santana75

In a rut wrote: »

. I met my ex online and she was my first real serious love and before her I didn't really have a meaningful relationship. Never really met someone out and click like you hear most people do so I guess I'm not really good at that kind of thing. So sometimes I think that every decent nice girl is snapped up by now and maybe I should accept that I'll never meet anyone even though deep down I really hope that's not true. I suppose I'm panicking as it's just hit me where I am in my life. Sorry for long post but hope I made some kind of sense

There are so many alarm bells in this one paragraph man. First of all thinking that all the good ones are taken is complete nonsense. You cannot conceive of when where or how you'll meet someone, the possibilities are infinite. You can meet someone at anytime, any place, the only thing you ever need to do is to be living your life in a real way. Not existing or doing the same things week in week out, but really doing the things you love. I met my girlfriend in a class I went to and it was something I loved. I wasnt there to make friends or even score a girlfriend, I was there just because this was something I felt I needed to do. But a by product of following your heart like that is you meet lots of people. And when this happens you realise that the only reason you'd think all the good ones are taken is because youre not being true to yourself.
Ask yourself this, when you are out in a bar or whatever are you being open? Like if theres a girl you see and feel you like, do you walk over to her and start a conversation? Or do you do nothing and go home alone believing there are no good ones left, but really what you did was you didnt walk across that room and put yourself on the line. Face your fears. When you do that the world opens up and your life gets bigger. You realise that all the things you were afraid of weren't actually true.

LegacyUser

Op here. Just like to thank everyone who has responded so far. I'm going taking a break from boards now by deactivating my account to try and get myself over the heartbreak. I will hopefully check back in for a look sometimes to read all replies on this thread and if anyone else would like to post feel free to. Once again thanks for the words of encouragement and hopefully things will get better..