Is it bad?

Anon4nowmc

This issue isnt even an issue in comparison to some on here, but I'd really appreciate some advice.
Over christmas I kissed a guy 3 years younger than me. Not a big deal only he's my younger siblings best mate, so just felt wrong, and told myself it was a drunken mistake. Known him since we were kids which makes it a bit messed up on my behalf.. He is really good looking and really sound, we've been texting and asked he has asked me out tomorrow night. I would like to meet up but him being younger than me and a friend of my sibling has me v apprehensive. Not particularly looking for anything serious myself, but would it be wrong to go out with him? My heads melted as i know some people wouldnt be too pleased 🙈
Any words of wisdom from anyone in similar situation previously would be much appreciated. Thanks

benjamin d

As long as you're both of age go for it. Your sibling will get over it.

infogiver

If your 18 and he's 15 then I wouldn't go there...
Apart from that....GO FOR IT!!!

bee06

My dad is three years younger than my mom and he's her brothers best friend. If you like him, go for it and see what happens.

Seth Brundle

Anon4nowmc wrote: »

My heads melted as i know some people wouldnt be too pleased 🙈

You like him. He likes you. Nobody else should matter at this stage really!

molly09

3 years is absolutely nothing, my friend is happily married to her brothers best friend. They were pretty much neighbours growing up. He is still her brothers best friend!!

Seth Brundle

Anon4nowmc wrote: »

I suppose I'm just worrying too much about what other people think. But I think I have good reason too.. Plus it could work out terribly.

...it could also work out wonderfully!
Don't worry what others may think!

ligerdub

If you like each other (and if it's legal) that's all that matters. It's a non-issue

Addle

Anon4nowmc wrote: »

...so just felt wrong...

Given the above, i'd say don't go there.

Aeternum

My boyfriend is one of my best friends older brothers and we're still happily together after four years. Go for it, as long as you're both in the same boat anyway.

Anon4nowmc

30 and 27

Anon4nowmc

Thank you all for replies.
Still not sure wtf to do but other's opinions are v helpful

ligerdub

I think it boils down to the assurances (not intended as insult) you're looking for here. When you asked "is it bad?", were you waiting for/hoping for people to say:

"It's absolutely no problem, go for it."

Or

"Best avoid"

Whichever it is you were hoping for probably the route to follow.

leggo

If he's your brother's mate, then presumably your brother is around 27 too? If so, what's the problem exactly? I mean the traditional 'problems' you'd imagine here are "your brother gets slagged" etc, which is a thing teens do, not 27 year olds. What you're describing sounds pretty common and several posters have already described similar setups they're in. I'm just trying to work out are there extenuating circumstances that make this uncomfortable or if you're just over-thinking?

woodchuck

The age difference shouldn't be an issue. It's hardly any difference at all, especially if you're not looking for anything serious.

Being a friend of your sibling could make things a bit awkward for your sibling though. For example, if you's date for a while and have a fight or break up, your sibling could end up feeling caught in the middle and forced to take sides between his friend and his sister. So as a courtesy, I'd maybe just mention it to your sibling?

Arevaci

If it’s not anything serious then a 3 year age gap is nothing. In fact, the age difference and the fact he’s a friend of your younger brother will only make the dynamic more exciting.

Keep in mind though that if it turns into a relationship, a younger boyfriend can create a range of problems. For example, let’s say you’re still with him 3 years down the line. At this stage you may want more commitment like marriage, kids, mortgage etc. Most 30 year old guys these days are not in the head space for this. You may be left in an awkward position whereby your partner is constantly “Sure we’ll see next year” to all your important life goals.

This may seem extremely future-focused but if there’s one thing I’ve learned recently it’s that when chemistry sets in, a ‘nothing serious’ relationship status can quickly change.

nikpmup

My partner is best friends with my cousin - his sister is best friends with the same cousin and my sister. I grew up down the road from him, used to rob his bike & played with him & his mates as kids. Best relationship I've ever been in! I say go for it. While it would be a courtesy to say it to your brother, it's not really his business - in my case, we kept schtum to everyone until we'd been on a few dates and had an idea that we were compatible and both more or less on the same page.

LynnGrace

You say 'some people wouldn't be too pleased'?
You don't need to answer as to who you are referring to there. If you mean your brother, for example, I don't think that should be an issue / something that should stand in your way.

It's not a big age gap, in my opinion, and you are both adults, so why not go out, and see how things go.

tara73

Anon4nowmc wrote: »

My heads melted as i know some people wouldnt be too pleased

what's behind this? it's probably relevant? if he is a drug dealer, is violent (not saying he is, just as an example) or has any other bad habits/backgrounds I can understand people wouldn't like you going out with him. but you said he's your brothers friend, so I guess there are no issues as above..

I guess it's the casuality from your side and you thinking ahead: you start just a 'sex thing' with him, but he might want more. your family (brother) will then dislike you for it.
If it is about this, you might better leave him be. Only you can decide but if you know already it most probably will mean trouble with family and friends, it's not worth it from my point of view and more trouble ahead than 'pleasure' ahead.

Anon4nowmc

Thanks for all the replies. Lots of food for thought!
Decided to meet later anyway and see what happens )

tomthetank

I started dating my ex at exactly the same age, he was 27 I was 30. We worked together and the chemistry was wonderful.

After about a year I realised I wanted to start settling down and the doubts started to flow about whether or not I could with him. He lived at home with little to no savings, while I was actively saving loads for a mortgage/marriage/whatever may come and started to think about where I wanted to be in very real terms. He couldn't think beyond next Tuesday and although he wanted all of the same things as me, it was in a very abstract "some day" kind of way and I realised I needed to end things because I was beginning to resent him for it. He wasn't the partner I needed him to be at 31 and it wasn't fair on either of us.

Just mentioning as if it so happens that this becomes something more serious than "fun" with your brother's friend, it could be a giant waste of time for you and you could end up single again at 32/33/34 with all your life plans delayed at a pretty critical time for you as a woman. And I'd hazard a guess that because you already know each other and there's that family connection, this may well become serious very quickly. And then you've created a lot of problems for your brother as well as for yourself.

Anon4nowmc

A lot of people mentioning the whole "longterm/future" thing. I wont get into it here as it'd make me more identifiable but this definitely won't be an issue on my side. So maybe him be younger is a good thing in this situation.
My main concern is what other people will think which is probably a bit pathethic really! Thanks again every1 for taking the time to reply

LegacyUser

Hi OP

3 years is NOT an age gap. Seriously its nothing.

For what its worth, I'm marrying my brother's friend this year. We've been together 6 years and met when he was 21 and I was 30.

Big Bag of Chips

It comes down to whether or not you like him. I know any of the lads I grew up with just would never have been in my radar for romantic interest or anything like that. My friend told me one time that my next door neighbour, who was 2 years younger than me and literally spent his childhood in our house had told him he was going to "chance it with me" when we were all out one night. I was horrified!!!! Luckily my friend managed to persuade him that it wasn't a good idea. I seriously would have thought it completely messed up, not because of the age, but because he may as well have been my brother!

If the thoughts of being with him doesn't creep you out, and it's just the worry of what others will say, then feck them! If it's not likely to ever be a long term thing, then the gossips will have died down by the time the next 'scandal' comes around! Your brother is the only one I'd worry about. If he thinks you two are sneaking around behind his back for any length of time it might affect his relationship with you both.

Froshtbit

Clear it with your sibling first. I know I wouldnt be thrilled with my friend dating my sister mostly because I know what they're like but if your brother is ok wih it, then it's a lot easier.

Come to think of it, my first girlfriend was a friend's sister. It didnt end well and I'm not friends with the guy anymore. Eh, life.

amtc

You'll never know unless you try. Just go on the date, keep it light. It's not as if you're getting married tomorrow!

ManOfMystery

Anon4nowmc wrote: »

A lot of people mentioning the whole "longterm/future" thing. I wont get into it here as it'd make me more identifiable but this definitely won't be an issue on my side. So maybe him be younger is a good thing in this situation.
My main concern is what other people will think which is probably a bit pathethic really! Thanks again every1 for taking the time to reply

Life is so much more enjoyable when you decide to stop worrying what other people think about your life decisions. Just go for it.

My sister is going out with a friend of my brother's. Didn't bother me at all, but my brother wasn't sure 'how' to feel about it when they announced it. I pointed out if he was good enough to be my brother's friend, then he's good enough to be her boyfriend - would he rather she went out with a stranger who could end up turning out to be a prat? It all worked out well in the end.

Anon4nowmc

Thanks for all the advice.
Went out Saturday anyway, was nice, and hes a gent and so hot but I get the feeling he wants more. So inclined to take a step back. How I do that without being a b1tch I'm not sure .. but to be fair to him I have to.
Thanks again ☺

December2012

Why do you have to?

Tigger99

You've had what one date and a kiss. Why do you have to make an assessment on the future just yet?

elefant

The posts about being careful about future plans because a 27 year old might not be interested in commitment in 3 years are complete nonsense.

Those anecdotes have nothing to do with age, and everything to do with the individuals in those examples.

Whatever you decide to do, don't do it based on an idea that a 30 year old man won't be as interested in commitment as a 33 year old woman.