Feeling guilty about depriving family of time with baby

zmgakt7uw2dvfs

I moved to the UAE in four years ago as a single, penniless man pretty much taking a chance with a new country.

Over the past four years in Dubai I've picked up an amazing wife, an adorable son, and savings of 260k euro, increasing every month.

This Christmas I returned to Ireland for the holidays. We brought the baby with us. We spent three weeks with his grandparents, his aunties, uncles, his great-grandmother and all his grandaunts, granduncles, and cousins.

Now we're back in Dubai and I'm overcome with feelings of loss and guilt. I'm depriving my son of the love and affection of his relatives, and my parents and siblings of the joy of having the baby around. There is unlikely to be another grandson for a very long time; he is the one and only.

Part of the reason I feel so guilty is because I had such a great relationship with my own grandparents. My son is unlikely to have that. And why?

The answer is to save money - around 90,000 euro per year. I know this money will stand us in good stead over the years to come. It will allow us to have a very comfortable life when we do eventually repatriate in around six years (current estimate). But we are missing out on so much family life in between. And what if something were to happen to my father or mother in the interim? I fear I would have bitter regrets.

My wife and I do like Dubai. We have a good life there, with friends. But I miss my wider family.

(My wife is from Asia and her own parents are dead. She has very few relatives and we mutually agree that ultimately, Ireland is our future.)

I'm wondering if any of you have similar feelings and what your thoughts on the matter are.

the_syco

Thalia Raspy Pancake wrote: »

I moved to the UAE in four years ago as a single, penniless man pretty much taking a chance with a new country.

Sounds like your baby is missing some quality time with her daddy being on the scratcher. If these feelings are only since you went back, perhaps plan another trip home? Easier to put off the feelings, and see how long the craving to go home lasts.

Jogathon

I live in Abu Dhabi. I fully understand the feelings that you have. I have decided to return home at the end of my contract as I am missing seeing my niece and nephews grow up, and I have cleared all the home improvement loans that I wanted to clear. The savings that you are stacking up are significant! Why not just use some of that cash to fly home frequently (about two times a year), or fly your parents out to visit you (at least once a year), and then return home in 4-6 years as planned?

wuffly

In a somewhat of similar boat, although we are both Irish and our little fella isn't the only grandchild on my OH's side (1 of 8) he is the one and only on my side. 
I feel much worse for my family as they genuinely miss him quiet a lot, I know it will get worse for them in a few months when 2 of my cousins have kids and they will see more of what they are missing out on. We skype a lot and they get to see him in action although i know they miss the interaction. We do plan to be home in time for him to go to school. Although he may do FS1 here. We would prefer him to get an Irish education, not move schools and also fees for decent schools and assessments here put us right off. 
We are in a different position in that we are starting a business so we are running tight financially in order to maintain the savings we have, this was not in our original plan but then neither was staying 6yrs. (I earn as more here part time that I did at home full time, so its worth staying for the time being)
You have several options, you are lucky to have an income that you can save so much of, why not go home more often? I know should we get back to our previous income level I would try and take unpaid leave for some of the summer and go home. For family time and also my son will be one by next summer and is already very active, keeping him inside and entertained for the hot months will be torturous for both of us! When he's slightly older he'll get a lot out of the water parks etc... there is so much for kids here. (I very excited about legoland lol)
Your wife may or may not want to or be able to go to Ireland for an extend period in the summer might be worth considering? Also depends on where your family is located and access etc..
Or if your family are willing to travel and you have the space you could bring them over during the nice months. 
Another perspective is that we have friends that moved home to the Uk 2 years ago for the sake of their kids and family and they moved back here over the summer. Initially they thrived but after awhile they very much missed the lifestyle and the help they had here. All the childcare offers and family visits dried up quiet quickly. Here they had a nanny and really struggled with their careers and managing a family back home. I have to say I don't understand why it was as hard as it seemed, they both have very well paying jobs here and in the UK so I would have thought a cleaner or an Au pair to help wouldn't have been out of the budget but anyway... they weren't happy and have moved back and are loving it. Their oldest has started school here and is very happy. Point being don't make an emotional decision to move home, whenever you chose to make the move. We have chosen to put our son in nursery as I don't want to have to adjust to life with a nanny and then life without, and also it just feels like the right fit for us at the moment. He loves nursery and is very well looked after so it works for us.
Also final point we went home for 10 weeks when our little fella was 4 weeks old, it was a stressful time and it really made me realise I'm not ready to move back full time, especially without a place of our own. Family are great but when you have kids they often feel its ok to impose their opinions as fact, it can be very though on first time parents. It was a much bigger issue with my in-laws. 
Sorry about the long post! There will always be some guilt, you have to do the best for your little family. Al in all you can fly and be home by the end of the day if you ever need, and you can also afford to... its a good position to be in.

Cupatae

Thalia Raspy Pancake wrote: »

I moved to the UAE in four years ago as a single, penniless man pretty much taking a chance with a new country.

Over the past four years in Dubai I've picked up an amazing wife, an adorable son, and savings of 260k euro, increasing every month.

This Christmas I returned to Ireland for the holidays. We brought the baby with us. We spent three weeks with his grandparents, his aunties, uncles, his great-grandmother and all his grandaunts, granduncles, and cousins.

Now we're back in Dubai and I'm overcome with feelings of loss and guilt. I'm depriving my son of the love and affection of his relatives, and my parents and siblings of the joy of having the baby around. There is unlikely to be another grandson for a very long time; he is the one and only.

Part of the reason I feel so guilty is because I had such a great relationship with my own grandparents. My son is unlikely to have that. And why?

The answer is to save money - around 90,000 euro per year. I know this money will stand us in good stead over the years to come. It will allow us to have a very comfortable life when we do eventually repatriate in around six years (current estimate). But we are missing out on so much family life in between. And what if something were to happen to my father or mother in the interim? I fear I would have bitter regrets.

My wife and I do like Dubai. We have a good life there, with friends. But I miss my wider family.

(My wife is from Asia and her own parents are dead. She has very few relatives and we mutually agree that ultimately, Ireland is our future.)

I'm wondering if any of you have similar feelings and what your thoughts on the matter are.

Unrelated, to the original topic, but how the hell did you go from broke to that much savings? what u working as and are they still hiring ??? haha

zmgakt7uw2dvfs

Cupatae wrote: »

Unrelated, to the original topic, but how the hell did you go from broke to that much savings? what u working as and are they still hiring ??? haha

I work in a moderately senior, customer-facing role for one of the top employers in the world, in a tax-free location like Dubai. I emphasize saving as well. In addition I had no debts when I moved here.

My salary has almost tripled over four years. The first year I saved nothing but put my ducks in a row. After that, I focused on increasing my earnings and not inflating my cost of living each time I got a raise. My household spends around 50k per year so it's not like we live like misers either. My wife is a stay at home mother since our baby arrived and we can still save 90k.

Cupatae

Thalia Raspy Pancake wrote: »

I work in a moderately senior, customer-facing role for one of the top employers in the world, in a tax-free location like Dubai. I emphasize saving as well. In addition I had no debts when I moved here.

My salary has almost tripled over four years. The first year I saved nothing but put my ducks in a row. After that, I focused on increasing my earnings and not inflating my cost of living each time I got a raise. My household spends around 50k per year so it's not like we live like misers either. My wife is a stay at home mother since our baby arrived and we can still save 90k.

Thats savage money man, fair play.. i had a few job offers from out that side..half regretting not taking em, but im going canada instead hopefully the savings will go the same way ha:D

All the best lad!