Hard to eaven speak WARNING TRIGGERS

Sanymc

First off i know. I know i am a stupid cow for making decissions i have . I just needed someone to talk to to tell my story i suppose.
I am very very secretive person i dont go out i dont go out for food i was mainly alone.

2 years agoo i met guy where i used to work and my heart skipped a beat. I knew him from somewhere . The same night i came across him on section people you might know on facebook . And then when i hit add friend button my life changed FOREVER. we got on so well he was my dream man but after few weeks of chatting still no asking out and i just gave up thinking he had no interest in mean time my long term ex appeard from nowhere. We where on talking terms but nothing else. After week or so my dream man told me the truth. He was away not in ireland in business but couldnt tell me anything else. And i just butted out of his dealings and thought nothing of it. He told me that night he will marry me and by may we where married he came home we got place together and got married he had to go away for another 6 months....night he was flying home 11+hrs i just didnt feel right . Something was not right. I just knew it . As i had access to hi email i decided i will have a look.... i found sexual type of messages from 2014.... from his COUSIN who was only 15 at the time he was 29. She lives in ireland but about 5 hr drive from us. So she used to stay with his sister for months during summer and they would meet up and have sex. He lived with his girlfriend at the time. And she had questioned why he is on phone with his cousin all the time ( i red that in emails they exchanged) but the cousin just said to tell my now husband sure we are only cousins there is no need to worry. And after that she said she loved him. My world collapsed i waited for this guy for a year. I went in to meltdown . I wouldnt have seen him for past 6 months and night he was to travell home to see our new house as husband and wife and start family together i find this.... i red some more and he sent her sex toys and asked her to record herself etc. It was disgusting. I txt him and told him i knew. Ye rang from airport he was catching next flight to in tears telling me it was massive mistake to not to ruin him . Told me if anyone finds out he will never will be able to keep his job etc etc
I TOLD HIS FAMILY . I just couldn't help myself i was so angry. ... and THEY WHERE OK WITH IT!!!!
He came home and i couldnt face my family to tell them that my marrige didnt even last a year and that my husband is terrible person so i stayed with him . One night he was drinking and he left pc open and facebook was up. He had looked up his ex... i had enought. I was packing my things he begged me to stay. And i did again like a fool. We keep arguing ever since and i hate him for all **** he has done to me all i wanted was family. That is all... we keep arguing so bad i throw him out of our home it has gotten very bad and he is blaming me and my anger... but he bever wants to admit that its his lies that has done this to me.

Now im sitting here with newborn who is my only saviour for rest of my life . I have turned him around in his cot so he couldnt see me cry because what i feel is anger and sadness that reat of my life i will never will feel loved ...

Neyite

Blaming you will be easier than admitting to himself who he really is.

His family will be ok with this - they have to be and will close ranks on you because what he was doing was illegal. In Ireland the age of consent is 17 so a conviction resulting from his relationship with his underage cousin would result on him being put on the sex offenders register. They are either unwilling or not ready to believe this, or as the newcomer to the family don't trust that what you are saying is the truth. Or he convinced them that you were crazy or whatever.

It does not matter what they think or do. The focus you need to have is on you and your child. Have a think about what you want from here. Talk to a solicitor / get legal advice and take it from there. Do you have copies of the emails? Do you want to report him to the Gardai? Do you think that if you separate, you would be concerned about him being unsupervised around your child as they get older? I really think you need to talk to a professional about this whole situation.

You will come out the other end of this, and you will be happy with someone. Right now you are in the eye of the storm and it might take time before you can see your way out properly. But you will.

LegacyUser

How new is your newborn OP?

You sound like you're under a lot of stress, and could really do with someone to talk to. Please think about speaking to your GP or an organisation like samaritans maybe? (although I'm not sure if that's entirely the right one).

You will get through this, and you will not be alone forever.This will resolve itself. You cannot do anything about how his family feels, just focus on you and your family. But everyone needs help sometimes, especially if your baby is quite small. It's a very emotional time, so don't be afraid to ask for help.