I really messed up

LegacyUser

My BF and I had a fight on stephens day and he ended up finishing with me. He then said we would talk in a few days because he was going away on a drinking session and I specifically asked him were we single and he said yes cause I was afraid he was planning on doing something when he was away. Out of anger I stupidly downloaded tinder and went on for about 10 mins i didnt even talk to anyone. But one of his friends saw me and told him. Now he wont talk to me and wants nothing to do with me. He said he didnt care if we were broken up or not I still went and downloaded the app. What can I do? I was going to go to his house and try talk him would that be bad? Will he ever talk to me again? please help

BetsyEllen

Why did you download Tinder though?
What were you looking to accomplish?

To be fair, lots of people go on to Tinder very soon after a breakup for a confidence boost/company/a rebound date - but the same day is very soon and I would be hurt if I were your ex.

Even if they genuinely were breaking up with you, it would have stung to know you were on there as it would have seemed that the relationship meant nothing.

I think that if you love each other then you will have a chance to sort this out once emotions have settled down a little.
However you both sound incredibly immature (and young I'm guessing) - I would bet that even if you do get back together this time, it won't last.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

batmanrobin

So he breaks up with you over a fight, then tells you that he'll talk to you once he's back from his "drinking sessions", which seems to be important than fixing things with you, confirms that you are in fact broken up and you are now both single and then gets the hump because you, operating out of insecurity and hurt, did a daft thing. I'm thinking you've got a lucky break. HE broke up with you. HE was the one who ended the relationship. He doesn't get to call all the shots, OP.

Yes, going on tinder so quick was tasteless, but I'm really not liking his attitude. He doesn't get to disappear on his drinking binge and expect you to wait for him to finish that before deigning to speak to you. You actually didn't do anything wrong. You were broken up after all.

baldbear

Im just wondering what sort of a fight led to a breakup? Was it a major row?

Or was he looking for an excuse to be single on his drinking session?

Maybe a break wouldn't be the worse thing?

I'm guessing you guys are early 20s?

Bandana boy

Also downloading the app in itself means nothing ,even if you were still going out its just a blasted app but having pointedly told you he was single and heading out with the lads you are fully entitled to have a look around Tinder .

I would not go crawling back to him , hold your ground if he wants to reconnect make sure he makes the effort/running .
Any more guff from him stick the present he bought you for xmas on Adverts and send him a link !

racso1975

Kinda sounds like he was looking for a way to break up with you and you gave him the perfect excuse

Big Bag of Chips

What are you hoping to get from talking to him though? He broke up with you, so there's nothing to talk about. If he wants to get back with you it's up to him to come to you, not up to you to go begging and maybe forcing him to get back with you. He doesn't get to break it off with you and then dictate that you wait, indoors, offline for him to contact you if/when he pleases.

He has all the power here. From your post he's the dominant one. He makes the decisions and you wait to see what's going to happen. You were broken up, so that generally means couples go no contact with each other. So him "threatening" to never speak to you again, should be the way it goes anyway. You are no longer bf/gf. From the sounds of it you are not even on good terms as friends, so the obvious thing to do is to avoid contacting each other until such a time as you both decide you are capable of being friends without one of you wanting it to become more.

His friend told him you were on tinder. This is more to do with bruised pride than you doing anything wrong.

You were both a bit silly, but his pride is hurt and now he needs to make that your fault. If you let him, then you are making a rod for your own back. Don't contact him. Don't give him opportunity to contact you. What good will come out of it now??

Although, I know you are not going to take any of that advice, are you?!!

enzo roco

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Although, I know you are not going to take any of that advice, are you?!!

How do you know??? Why did you write this sentence???? What is your issue with the op?


Anyway, like Baldbear, Im guessing the op is young, under 21?
I dont think the op messed up. It all sounds a little childish.

From the op, you seem in love with him, and want him back, and if you really are interested in your ex, give him a text, tomorrow or the day after, nearly a week to calm down. Worth a chance, if nothing. Start to accept it and move on.

Big Bag of Chips

enzo roco wrote: »

How do you know??? Why did you write this sentence???? What is your issue with the op?

I have no issue with the OP, but much like you, I get the distinct impression that she still wants him. She wants to be with him and she wants him to want her. I think 40 posters could come on here and tell her to just walk away and keep her dignity, that he made himself clear, she shouldn't chase him etc, and one person might say 'text him, try to talk to him', and that will be the one post she takes notice of, because that will be the one post telling her what she wants to hear.

Sometimes, what we want to hear and what we need to hear are very different. And I personally think, from experience and from seeing it with others, if the OP does manage to get him to speak to her it will end up with him either saying very hurtful things to her, and making her feel crap. Or it might end up in them getting back together, for a short time, with him holding it over her that she joined Tinder etc. And making her feel crap. Either way it's unlikely to be a fairy tale ending for her.

But, I also get the impression they are quite young. And we all make idiotic mistakes in our relationships when we haven't the maturity or experience to realise when it's time to call it a day. These are mistakes we all have to make and we all ultimately learn from. That's why I believe the OP will not listen to advice to stay away from him, and ignore all/any attempts at contact. And she will try to contact him. She will apologise for "messing up". It's part of growing up, and it's very often part of breaking up!

But at the end of the day, OP, it doesn't really matter. We all need to make these decisions and learn whatever we learn from them along the way for ourselves. Somethings you just have to go through yourself to learn from them. Hearing somebody else advise you about it hasn't the same impact. You posted looking for advice, and older posters a little further down the road than you have the benefit of hindsight. But I know, 20 years ago, in your position, I would have ignored all the "walk away' advice in favour of 'try talk to him again'. Nobody would have told me otherwise, because I would have known best. And 20 years ago the foolishness of my early relationships have has no lasting impact on my life now. I made the choices that I felt were right, at that time. And I lived to tell the tales... Some of them sorry tales, but still I came out the other side in spite of myself!

You will make your own mistakes, OP, but like all of us, you'll come out the other side relatively unscathed.

Estrellita

You only want him back because you miss the security of being in a relationship, even if it's not going well. You two were fighting over something, and your reaction was to find an ego boost. Clearly things weren't going as well as they should have been.

The mess up here is you flogging a dead horse by trying to get back together with him. Whether you are ready to accept it or not, it's very likely your relationship has run its course. The fact that he'd rather go on a bender for days instead of attempting to reconcile with you is very telling. He wants to be single. As someone else previously said here, even if you got back together it won't be for long by the sounds of it. There is more break-ups and hurt in the post unless you realise that you two don't fit together anymore. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you know yourself how things must have been going.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You will make your own mistakes, OP, but like all of us, you'll come out the other side relatively unscathed.

You're so right Big Bag of Chips, we did it all without the backing of strangers on the internet to influence us, be that a good thing or a bad thing.

OP, it's all a learning curve, as Big Bag said, you will most likely ignore this and do what you want anyway. To paraphrase.

Airyfairy12

You tried to make up with him but he wanted to remain single until after his drinking session, so you joined tinder.. which youre totally entitled to as youre single.

This guy is a head melter and has total control over you and the relationship. The sooner you move on from this dickhead the better off you'll be.

Lux23

He told you that you were both single so you had every right to download Tinder as a single woman. He sounds very controlling especially as he feels he has the right to judge something you did after HE dumped you. Cheek of him.