Sticky situation

Shasha2016

Hi all,
Where I do begin. I think I'm attracted to the complicated life ha. So I work with this guy good looking, nice personality and we have similar interests in things. I was out one night and we bumped into each other and kissed at the end of the night.
Work wasn't awkward that Monday if anything it made us more friendly. Then the next couple of weekends it happened again and we stayed out till all hours talking.On the nights out he would talk about how he likes me and how he would like more than friends. We also met 2 or 3 times sobar and the same thing telling me these things. I noticed after a while that he made less contact or it was just during the week.
So I met with him last week and he told me before I came along he was dating another girl and now she wants to get serious. So he's confused and doesn't know what to do.

At 1st I was disappointed but respected him for telling. I met with him the day after I was going to finish what we had started because I felt I was going to get hurt and because we work together I didn't want bad atmosphere. But he lobs out an xmas present so I couldn't do it. For the next 2 days he was all talk and chat and then vanishes again! I had text asking to meet up that I needed a chat and got nothing back. We were back to work yesterday again no awkwardness so I said again I needed to talk and he avoided the situation.

Is this lad playing mind games? Why buy an xmas present? I genuinely like him but I'm not going to get hurt because he hasn't made up his mind. I really don't know if he likes me. Am I sitting back to much should I make more of an effort ? I would ask him all these things but it's looking like he won't talk.

Big Bag of Chips

He's keeping all options open. He doesn't want to finish with either of you in case the other one doesn't work out. He's not going to make a decision. He's going to wait for one of you to make it for him... And then he'll continue with the other one.

And maybe find another 'back up plan'!

racso1975

He doesn't know what he wants and would seem to be keeping his options open. I doubt you need this level of drama in your life. I'd just move on. Even if he did decide it was you would ya be happy with how long it took him to make up his mind?

Big Bag of Chips

Yep, I suppose the best way to phrase this is you are an 'option' not a 'choice'. If you're ok being an option, carry on. If you'd prefer to be someone's choice, move on.

BetsyEllen

He bought you a present as he likes you.

However, he doesn't like you enough to finish with the other girl and be with you exclusively. He is enjoying the casualness of what you have, he enjoys the friendship and doesn't want to change it into anything more.

Walk away from this situation; it will only become hurtful. If you put a stop to it now you may be able to stay friends.

Find someone who wants you and makes it clear that they want you

tara73

sorry, but in your opening post you write all about how he told you several times he likes you and he wants to be more than friends. how did you react? you don't write anything about yourself .

so correct me if I'm wrong but could it be you didn't react clearly with a 'yes, I want to be together with you also' to his confessions?

if so, he's now having this other girl in tow to test you if you truly have no real feelings for him or if you get jealous?

sounds all a bit immature to me, him, but you also if you strung him along before.

GritBiscuit

I wouldn't respect someone who has all but said you don't mean enough to them for them to sideline any and all other romantic options in order to pursue a relationship with you. Don't let your infatuation for this guy cloud your judgement, your gut reaction of disappointment was spot on.

Ask yourself if you really want to get involved with someone who is avoidant and uncommunicative if it suits them regardless of the no-man's-land it leaves you in anyway? Sometimes no answer is an answer - the way he's behaving now should be waving red flags left, right and centre. Chalk it up to experience and move on would be my advice.

All the best OP.

Estrellita

If a guy told me he'd been seeing someone else I'd thank him for his honesty and I'd be away on my toes. I'd quickly make his choice for him by opting out, time is too precious to be someone's other option.

leggo

Yeah I don't do love triangles personally. People involved in them tend to get competitive with the person on the other side and lose sight of the fact that the person in the middle is playing them off each other for their own personal amusement, which isn't what you do when you care about someone, it's what you do what you're at your narcissistic peak and only care about yourself and boosting your own ego.

The fact you work together also complicates things. If I were you, I'd nip this in the bud, because it's going nowhere good and the longer you keep it going, the more you stand to get hurt. And then you're stuck working with the person that hurt you. At least nipping it in the bud means you're in control and can get back to a relatively normal working life.

4976340

He's just not that into you as they say. I have teenagers and see this all the time but it's not an adult relationship and don't sell yourself short. A Christmas present is easy to buy.

ArKl0w

Estrellita wrote: »

If a guy told me he'd been seeing someone else I'd thank him for his honesty and I'd be away on my toes. I'd quickly make his choice for him by opting out, time is too precious to be someone's other option.

Agree with this
However the Op has had plenty opportunities to make their relationship serious
I suspect him telling her about the other girl was his awkward way of trying to prompt this
I also suspect strongly the other girl will get her man because she has took the initiative by having the conversation first

Shasha2016

Thanks for all your replies

I nipped it in the bud although I do really like him he's just not 110% into me and that's not the way it should be.