Blabber mouth

Bellaboring

Left home after Christmas again and have this really paranoid feeling that always comes after I see people I know that I don't encounter very often. I always feel like I say the wrong thing or come across the wrong way and dwell on it for days.

I know I worry about coming across a obnoxious or overly flattering when I'm drinking so I have decided to cut that out. Even in other circumstances though I feel like I'm making a major ejit of myself and can't get it out of my head. Examples include: gushing too much to one acquaintance about how cute her son is on her Instagram. Going on and on about how another old friend/ acquaintance has a life I totally envy (both those were with drinks involved.) Soberly going on about my New Years weight loss plans despite being against mentioning weight loss on principle and that was within earshot of 2 people I feel may struggle with their weight. Another was ranting on about my dog to the point I've bored an entire crowd. Another was retelling a story wrong in a way that was grossly offensive and possibly upsetting to the person I was talking to.

I'm sitting in work all day going over and over specific examples. While each one on their own seems small and insignificant to the point of being ridiculous to ruminate on, taken as an entire picture I'm so mortified that I'm considering calling them all up individually. Realistically I know that making a fuss would only be worse in the end but I can't stop thinking about it. I really don't want to come across as a drama queen or looking for attention but I'm terrified of not saying something.

This isn't a phenomenon linked to my homeplace in particular I always feel like a blabber mouth who in hindsight lacks the finesse that everyone else seems to have developed somewhere in adolescence (I'm 29). Any opinions on this appreciated - especially if you've felt like this before.

leggo

You're over-thinking. Nothing you mentioned there sounds like anything that would offend me or cause me to judge someone, it all sounds like perfectly normal, friendly behaviour. The weight loss thing for example: EVERYONE talks about their weight loss plans around New Year! That's not something the people around you would see as strange and it's VERY unlikely they took it personally.

Remember that other people all have their own lives they're hung up on, and doubts not dissimilar to the ones you're bringing up, so they've no time to be analysing your small talk and judging you. If they do then that's their problem, because you're not doing anything wrong at all, and they're not worth caring about. I feel that that paragraph is the only real development you may have missed out on in your teens.

Relax. You're good here. In future if you clearly notice someone getting visually uncomfortable or bored talking to you, maybe put the conversation back onto them with a question or call yourself out, "Look at me going on about my dog, how are things with you??" That's it, really, problem solved. And maybe look up some bits on social anxiety, as it seems you may have a mild case, and reading up on it might make you feel comforted that you're not alone in thinking stuff like this. Personally, if I see someone around me getting a bit of social anxiety and over-thinking things, I find it endearing and a sign that they're just a nice, (perhaps overly) considerate person.

retro:electro

I can guarantee you that you are not the only one feeling this way especially over the festive period. Everyone says silly things when they're out, try not to over think it. Nothing you've said here is particularly offensive, and the fact you're feeling guilty shows you're not a bad person. I always think that people wake up the day after a night out regretting most of what they've done/said and never give a second thought to anyone else's actions.

Airyfairy12

I do this all the time, especially when im drunk I get all emotional and talk total ****e then ruminate over it for weeks/months/years ... its horrible. Ive no advice really as I feel this way myself but atleast know youre not the only one that does it. x

amtc

Listen I once told my boss's boss (whom I had very little todo with) his legs were too short for his body...he had a tendency to wear very long suit jackets. I had this moment of clarity whereas if I could tell him this it would improve his life. There was alcohol involved.

Fast forward 15 years and two job changes later I had to meet this guy. We are now at same level work wise.

He told me he still remembers that monologue, told his wife, and she agreed!

People make allowances for all kinds of things. I bumped into my cousin over Christmas and he asked me when I was due. I was wearing a heavy coat so it wasn't from looks. We have another cousin with the same first name who is expecting. You just have to laugh.

LynnGrace

It's a good first step to give up drinking, especially when you are aware that it makes you more talkative or 'gushing' - to use your own word.
You are over-thinking things, in my opinion, and it may well be, as a pp has suggested, symptomatic of anxiety.

GingerLily

Definitely try brush it off OP, everyone's been there!

If it helps, next time your nervous try taking a moment before you speak, you'll usually judge better the appropriateness of something if you taken a breath first.

It's something I've had to learn for interviews etc and I think it really does start to become second nature after a while.
I still say some daft things, but usually when I'm relaxed and my guard is down because I'm around people I trust

LynnGrace

GingerLily wrote: »

Definitely try brush it off OP, everyone's been there!

If it helps, next time your nervous try taking a moment before you speak, you'll usually judge better the appropriateness of something if you taken a breath first.

It's something I've had to learn for interviews etc and I think it really does start to become second nature after a while.
I still say some daft things, but usually when I'm relaxed and my guard is down because I'm around people I trust

+1 to this.

Taking a mindful pause can be very helpful, especially in a situation that makes you nervous or anxious.