Feeling silly/insecure over someone I barely know

LegacyUser

Hi,

I hope its ok to write this here! I was going to write it in the dating forum but feel its a bit more about personal stuff and me, rather than the situation.

Im a guy in my mid 30s. After a quite a long period (years) of being single and then getting into the dating scene and meeting several women in the last year or so I met someone in September online. We seriously hit it off, messaging constantly. There was nothing we didnt talk about. We spoke on the phone a few times and again got on so so well.

We met after a few weeks and it was absolutely great. Before it , after it, still talking all the time. We met again, and again it was really great. We spent a whole day from morning to night together.

We were still messaging alot after that and had agreed a third date. There were practical reasons why we both couldnt meet for a few weeks (busy weekends and dont live close enough to meet mid week).

But then something kind of dropped off out of nowhere. Firstly I felt she was less interested in me or what I was up to in a given day etc, you know , casual stuff, and just generally conversations through texting felt like they were starting to struggle. I also had to start every new one otherwise there'd be nothing. The thing is she ALWAYS replied in a conversation so really it would never end unless it just faded and I let her be the last person to reply, even if it was just a smily or something she did. It was a bit annoying because it felt as if an end to a conversation was simply me not replying till I start a new one.

I was aware too that people can only text for so long before it drives them nuts but when it came to arranging to meet she was putting it off for various reasons, quite casually.

It got to a point where I said to her she'll have to let me know when shes free cause its getting embarrassing, she laughed and said sorry etc. Eventually after another few conversations I just let the last one finish as usual (with her replying something short ) and I didnt start a new one.

I figured at this stage if she doesnt get back about meeting, and doesnt start any conversation then she's just not interested.

But that was it. No more attempts after that to contact by either of us, and she never said when she was free to meet again. She's abroad now for approx 2 months and was busy before that, but really I know Im fooling myself, if she was into me she would have found time somewhere.

Overall you're probably reading that and thinking "yea she just wasnt into that much".

My problem is its now nearly January and Im almost treating the situation like she's an ex. We're friends on Facebook (yea Ive learned my lesson now) and I see pics of her.

I was thinking of just unfriending her and be 100% done with it. But part of me has this frustrating belief like "when shes back maybe she'll get in touch".

It would have actually been easier if she just 100% ghosted me or better still told me she wasnt interested, even hinted a bit directly but this gradual fade has me hanging in there foolishly I think.

I guess my question is, for a guy my age , is my whole overthinking of this ridiculously insecure and over the top? Or can we all fall into this at different times? Should I just unfriend her and assume it totally finished and move on?

HS3

I think when a situation has you over thinking, it's not good. If it feels unnatural and like you're doing all of the work then it really is not good for you, or for your self esteem. When she does get back and you do get back in touch, it's going to be the same story. Things won't change and you'll still feel like you're chasing your tail. I would cut ties if I were you. If it's causing you upset seeing photos etc, why not unfriend her? Or hide her posts? People look at unfriending people on fb like a mortal sin. But the fact is, if it wasn't for fb you'd drift away naturally and no more would be said about it.

You're losing nothing only a wreck head situation where you are frequently left feeling low. No one deserves or needs that. You'll probably find once you've let go, it's the best decision you've made.

woodchuck

I think you need to just let this one go. I'm afraid it does come off like she's just not that into you. Block/unfriend her on facebook and move on. Even if she did contact you again down the line, would you really want to give it another go with someone who seems to have very little regard for you? You have to have more respect for yourself and find someone else who is as into you as you are into them.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the advice. I think I just needed to hear a second opinion or two alright.

I just unfriended on FB and unfollowed on Instagram. I have to admit it felt kind of crap and wasnt sure if I was doing the right thing, even reading the last conversation we had etc, and making excuses about her being abroad as to why we wouldnt have been in touch anyway etc. But the reality is I did try to arrange meeting and I did tell her I was flexible etc and I just have to accept she wasnt as into me as I was her.