depressed dad

clairet80

I don't really know how to begin this post. my Boyfriend and his ex partner have two children (8 and 10) together. They split when the youngest was about two and he and I have been together for almost 4 years now. This Christmas has been miserable for him and I would really like to help.
He wanted to remain friends with his ex for the sake of the children and as a result has not pursued (I think stupidly) any legal arrangement re access.
He works extremely irregular house in the defence forces and as he pays the rent on the house for her and the children cannot afford to live away from the camp.
He minds them at the drop of a hat (because he wants to see the children and also because he is afraid she will withdraw them from him)
he often goes over and fills the fridge for them, cooks them dinner etc because she is stuck at work.
I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I think I have been exceptionally understanding through all this!
On Xmas eve the oil ran out in her house and he drove from my house to the shop to fill several drums with oil to tide her over. (as usual she didn't repay him)
on St Stephens day (after he cooked the children and her dinner) she picked a row and stormed out for 9 hours with no notification of where she was going or when she would be back.
When she returned she roared and screamed at him that he is a terrible father.
he went out and sat in his car and told me he has never been so depressed in his life, and for a few minutes considered just ending it all.
I don't know how any of this works. His hours change constantly and a regular schedule of visitation just wont work for him- the army cannot accommodate fathers and mothers in his situation.
She has now decided to break all their civil arrangements and he does not know when he will see the kids again. Can anyone offer me/us some advice. He is miserable, broke and without his kids.

Xterminator

yes. he should see a solicitor tomorrow. he needs to look after himself and his rights or his access to the children will always be at the whim of his ex. the children will also benefit from having regular access, and you cn present it to him as being for both his and his childrens benefit.

he should formalize maintenance payments, and always make such payments electronically or by cheque. any extra payments or expenses should be receipted and documented.

endacl

His first port if call should be

http://www.military.ie/en/careers/military-life/personal-support-services/