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Got caught talking about a colleague

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  • 27-12-2016 9:15am
    #1
    cruais
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭


    Made a complete boo boo in work!

    A colleague who we work with is a little "out there". She has a cat, who she talks about 24/7, who apparently talks to her.

    This person came up in conversation this morning in the break room, about how bizarre they can be. I agreed with everyone and said "sure anyone who speaks to their cat, like seriously you would have to wonder".

    At this point, another colleague walked in who is this persons friend. She heard everything but didnt make a comment. I on the other hand wanted the ground to open up. I feel awful ever since and have learned my lesson. (My 1st time to ever talk about someone in work and i get caught).

    I will stick to my rule in future and keep my opinion to myself. I am worried this person is going to tell my colleague and ill get reported.

    Will i just let on as if nothing happened or be the bigger person and apologise


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    #2
    amtc
    Registered Users Posts: 2,490 ✭✭✭amtc


    Calm down.

    You can't get reported for an opinion. You're worrying unnecessarily.

    Plus were it reported any logical person would agree!

    Don't apologise as this makes it into an issue


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    #3
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Totally disagree with the previous poster.


    The colleague caught you saying something mean, so go up to her and apologise. Don't make excuses, just say you were wrong, you're very sorry and make some effort to be nicer to her!


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    #4
    amtc
    Registered Users Posts: 2,490 ✭✭✭amtc


    You see I'd agree if it was the colleague but it's not


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    #5
    Guy Sajer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 167 ✭✭Guy Sajer


    I would just leave it. She heard you say a generic sentence without mentioning the persons name. How will you get reported for insulting "anyone who talks to cats"


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    #6
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    So now you've learned not to be mean to -about people. Its a pity you care only about the repurcussions for yourself. Her friend probably won't tell her because it would be a cruel thing to say to her. Worst you can expect is that she insuniates to her that you're not as nice as you make out if she compliments you someday or suggests you for praise or benefit. It's a pity you can't see how cruel is it to be doing spiteful talk about a colleague behind her back who has shared something she loves & enjoys with you in work. Perhaps you'll thjnk twice before office bitching next time.


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    #7
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    So how much of this would the cat woman's friend have heard? It wasn't just you who was talking about her. Other people were talking about her as well. So although you were the unlucky one to have been caught rotten, you were only at the tail end of a conversation about her.

    I think you'd be better off saying nothing. This is all hinging on whether she tells her friend or not, something we don't know will happen. If she says nothing and you go apologising, then it'll upset her unnecessarily. I get the impression that she may be a bit vulnerable if she thinks her cat is talking back to her. Hopefully her friend knows this too and will be keeping her mouth shut on the specifics. You would be going looking for trouble where there is none if you say something.


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    #8
    Yourself isit
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,257 ✭✭✭Yourself isit


    It's not clear who was being talked about. A generalised comment isn't much to go on.


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    #9
    3rdDegree
    Registered Users Posts: 1,261 ✭✭✭3rdDegree


    JustAThought wrote: »
    So now you've learned not to be mean to -about people. Its a pity you care only about the repurcussions for yourself. Her friend probably won't tell her because it would be a cruel thing to say to her. Worst you can expect is that she insuniates to her that you're not as nice as you make out if she compliments you someday or suggests you for praise or benefit. It's a pity you can't see how cruel is it to be doing spiteful talk about a colleague behind her back who has shared something she loves & enjoys with you in work. Perhaps you'll thjnk twice before office bitching next time.

    Everyone makes mistakes. I think you should be a little more forgiving and a little less judgemental.

    My advice OP would be to leave it. The person in question may never even be told. You certainly won't get into trouble with your bosses over this. Lesson learned. Gossip hurts people. Move on.


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    #10
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,121 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    I think your worrying about nothing. It wasn't mean in my opinion. People that are really into their cat are, in my experience, well aware that some people think their off their rocker, and it doesn't bother them. It doesn't sound like you said anything in a nasty way, just expressing a fairly commonly held opinion. It's hardly grounds for investigation. Just leave it.


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    #11
    HandsomeDan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 843 ✭✭✭HandsomeDan


    Yourself and your coleagues sound like nasty people. Try to be less nasty.


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    #12
    Felix Jones is God
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,160 ✭✭✭Felix Jones is God


    HandsomeDan wrote: »
    Yourself and your coleagues sound like nasty people. Try to be less nasty.

    Judgemental post much?


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    #13
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,788 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    You weren't talking about your work colleague but an old aunt of yours....isn't that right?


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    #14
    cruais
    Registered Users Posts: 1,559 ✭✭✭cruais


    Thanks for all the comments

    To the people who say i was nasty. Yes i feel like a complete tit. It's been on my mind all day.

    Like i said above, i always keep my opinions to myself normally. I will do so in future that's for sure.


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    #15
    Dave0JV
    Registered Users Posts: 67 ✭✭Dave0JV


    I don't think that you need to worry about being reported. It's such a general statement that it could have been about anybody. At the same time, you should definitely stick to your rule of not discussing other colleagues in work, or at the very least not so publicly. If your colleague confronts you about it apologise, otherwise just leave it would be my advice.


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    #16
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    The woman thinks her cat talks to her. She's clearly not the full shilling and I'd say the friend probably thinks the same even if they are friends. I'd doubt the friend will say anything anyway. What you said was quite vague and to call it nasty is a bit over the top.


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    #17
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,900 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    cruais wrote: »

    This person came up in conversation this morning in the break room, about how bizarre they can be. I agreed with everyone and said "sure anyone who speaks to their cat, like seriously you would have to wondern

    Why would this person just "come up in conversation"

    It's no one else's business what she does in her spare time or if the cat can recite the Koran in 3 languages.

    I'd rather talk to a cat, than just be a sheep just agreeing with everyone else. The cats conversation sounds more interesting than what the rest talk about anyway.

    It seems you have learnt your lesson Op, getting involved in bitching about colleagues just creates needless drama and bitching about a colleague behind her back to be part of a clique is spineless.

    I'd say nothing, but steer clear of any future bitching sessions.


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    #18
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Did she actually say the cat talks to her or could she have meant it communicates with her, which they do btw. I feel a bit sorry for her if its the latter because her meaning has been clearly lost in translation and she's being labelled a bit weird because of it. If it's the former I'd be worried about her mental health and that's another reason not to gossip about her.

    Either way say nothing and chalk it down to experience.


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    #19
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,900 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    eviltwin wrote: »
    Did she actually say the cat talks to her or could she have meant it communicates with her, which they do btw. I feel a bit sorry for her if its the latter because her meaning has been clearly lost in translation and she's being labelled a bit weird because of it. If it's the former I'd be worried about her mental health and that's another reason not to gossip about her.

    Either way say nothing and chalk it down to experience.

    Personally I would think it's the colleagues bitching that said the cat talks to her and it's gotten legs.

    She probably said something like- ah he's talking to me like the the dog scraping me with her paws to be let up into my lap.

    Animals certainly communicate to humans.

    Once she's doing her work, it's really no ones business and that type of low level bitching only leads to trouble.

    years ago I once came in and overheard a colleague bitching about me-well I let fly and she went off home in floods of tears. "Just who do you think you are speaking about- if you've anything to say to me, say it to my face, you cowardly git. And went from there. Got an apology the next day. Did not happen again I can tell you. I was younger then and more inclined to fly off the handle, but I think if I heard the same today I'd probably still lose the plot.


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    #20
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #21
    HandsomeDan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 843 ✭✭✭HandsomeDan


    sashafierce wrote: »
    Ah stop, people discuss other people its a part of life.

    Again so judgemental. We all say things about other people, usually there is no malice behind it its just office chit chat. And anyway if someone told me their cat talks to them I'd be thinking they were a bit mad too.

    Nope. It's a form of bullying and is frankly a vile thing to see so called adults engaged in. Ah sure no harm was meant is a real nitwit responce.


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    #22
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    HandsomeDan wrote: »
    Nope. It's a form of bullying and is frankly a vile thing to see so called adults engaged in. Ah sure no harm was meant is a real nitwit responce.

    Oh come on, everything is bullying nowdays. Making a fairly innocent comment about someone behind their back is not bullying. It's office gossip. I don't often do it but I would call anyone who claims they never made a negative comment behind someone's back a liar.

    Anyway apologize if you are confronted but otherwise keep it to yourself. You can hardly say 'I think you are mad as a bag of frogs but I really shouldn't say that to others'.


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    #23
    sashafierce
    Registered Users Posts: 3,599 ✭✭✭sashafierce


    This post has been deleted.


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    #24
    HS3
    Closed Accounts Posts: 405 ✭✭HS3


    HandsomeDan wrote: »
    Nope. It's a form of bullying and is frankly a vile thing to see so called adults engaged in. Ah sure no harm was meant is a real nitwit responce.

    It is absolutely NOT bullying. It's talking about someone behind their back. Not cool. But absolutely not bullying


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    #25
    anewme
    Registered Users Posts: 11,900 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    sashafierce wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    What I fail to understand why it's within the OP's remit to actually say anything at all.

    Unless of course, the cat is also a company employee and they are having conversations on Company time instead of working.

    We don't know for definite the person said the cat spoke to them, I agree with the other poster who said is probably stupid hear say lost in translation that has got passed on by the clique but it's really none of the OP's business, even if Tigger got up on the altar and said 10 o'clock mass.

    I don think the OP is bullying or intentionally bullying - however, these situations have a habit of getting out of hand, people are sheep and talk about other people as self preservation rather than being the one bitched about and these situations do develop into bullying, exclusion, story telling and gossip.

    Now, the Op is crapping it in case word gets back because she does not want to be called out on it.

    Best advice to OP is to really chalk it down to experience -as someone else said, but I disagree with people who think it's acceptable or normal practice to office gossip.


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    #26
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Why is it totally acceptable to talk to and about pet dogs but cat owners that love their pets are viewed as crazy??

    I know you might think this woman is 'off her rocker' but for all you know she could be deeply kind and caring. We're constantly told to be ourselves and not to conform to what others want us to be yet when confronted with someone who is being true to themselves and causing no harm to anyone theyre bitched about, belittled and branded as crazy. What a boring little world this would be if we were all the same. If you feel so badly about what happened then I think the least you could do is allow this woman to be herself and allow her to be comfortable in her own skin in future rather than ganging up on her behind her back just because shes different. You could also stand up for her when others start bad mouthing her because shes not a carbon copy of themselves or what theyre used to.


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    #27
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    HS3 wrote: »
    It is absolutely NOT bullying. It's talking about someone behind their back. Not cool. But absolutely not bullying

    It can lead to bullying, cliques form and it only takes one member of the gang to take it too far.


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    #28
    LynnGrace
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,347 ✭✭✭LynnGrace


    It is unpleasant, but just to be absolutely clear, it's not bullying.

    OP, as a pp said, chalk it down as a lesson learned, and in future, steer clear of anyone talking about colleagues behind their backs.


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    #29
    angeleyes
    Registered Users Posts: 604 ✭✭✭angeleyes


    Ah hello a bit of perspective here ......its about a cat? Just a cat! It could have been about a dog, or a rabbit. Any of us who have pets ...we talk to them and for people living on their own a cat or a dog is a lifeline and can be great company.

    Its not bullying or anything judgemental. I'm not a lover of cats but I do love dogs. Yep any of us who talk to our animals like they understand are a tad crazy. So what? we love our pets? Nothing to get excited about here. Carry on.


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