Tomorrow

Lucuma

I just want to wish everyone in here who is heartbroken & dreading tomorrow the strength to get through the day. I cannot muster even the slightest enthusiasm for the day myself, it's like I'm just numb & cut off from it. My sister was saying to me that when people say to her 'are you all set for Xmas' and all that she feels like saying to them 'I couldn't give a **** about it, my Dad is dead'. She took the words out of my mouth. Even though it's my child's first Xmas & my toddler's first Xmas being able to talk about Santa etc I can't tap into the whole Santa excitement or joy- the best I can do is go through the motions.
I just feel dead inside when I think about Christmas.
I have a long 3 hr drive ahead of me later with just me & kids asleep in the back and I think I will cry for most of it. Hoping if I just let all the anger and sadness out then I won't be inflicting it on everyone else tomorrow who is trying to make it a very special Xmas for the kids. I will be miserable tomorrow but I will plaster a smile on my face.
Will be thinking of you all xxx

BrokenWingz

Lucuma wrote: »

My sister was saying to me that when people say to her 'are you all set for Xmas' and all that she feels like saying to them 'I couldn't give a **** about it, my Dad is dead'. She took the words out of my mouth.

I think many of us would like to say that. My dad died six weeks ago, my brother six months ago, and my Mam just over a year ago. All I want is to crawl into a hole until January 1 and hope the new year is better.

Fair play on at least going through the motions for your little one, I wish you a safe drive and some little bit of peace if you can find it.

BrokenWingz

stupid double post

Lucuma

I'm so sorry for your devastating losses Brokenwingz :-(

muddypaws

I lost my only son in March, we always used to go to my parents, or they would come to us, but my Dad died 2 and a half years ago and my Mum is now in a nursing home with Alzheimers, and doesn't know who I am anymore. I was dreading Christmas, but thankfully I got a temporary job as a courier for the last few weeks, with that and my other job, I haven't had a day off for more than 3 weeks, so am exhausted and having a day just relaxing and eating. I actually enjoyed delivering all the presents that people have bought for others, enjoyed seeing their joy when they answered the door to me.

You really do never know what is around the corner. Christmas 4 years ago was fab, with all of us together, with no hint of what was to come. 3 years ago my Dad had just been diagnosed with his brain tumour and given 6 months, so we knew it was his last Christmas and we had a lovely day, but with that hanging over us all. 2 years ago I spent the day with my Mum in her nursing home, staying with my older brother who lived nearby, another unusual Christmas, but lovely in its own way. Last year I got my son to come home from London and we had a nice time, just the two of us, with me feeding him up and trying to persuade him to stay in Ireland, but unfortunately he went back to London in February, with no jobs around here and no help from social welfare for him, and died a month later.

Life is always changing, so who knows what Christmas in 4 years time will be like for all us in here? It is so true that This Too Will Pass, Christmas will never be the same for me, but that doesn't mean that I won't enjoy it again in the future.

I hope everyone that has suffered bereavement recently finds some joy today.

Lucuma

Aaaand it's over.
We survived

Muddypaws I'm really sorry for your loss

Advbrd

My little guy (7) asked me on Christmas eve whether he ever had a Christmas with his mammy when he was younger. It broke my heart to tell him no, really knocked the sh1t out of me. However, we did have a great day.

It only gets easier if you forget. I don't want to forget.

chooey

So glad it's over. First one without my amazing mam and first one with my baby. We tried to make the best of it but there was an empty chair at the table that no one could fill. Every year I used to thank my lucky stars at Christmas that all my family were alive and well to celebrate it but that has now ended. So strange to think that this time last year I didn't know it was to be our last all together. Thinking of you all in the same position

Lucuma

Advbrd wrote: »

My little guy (7) asked me on Christmas eve whether he ever had a Christmas with his mammy when he was younger. It broke my heart to tell him no, really knocked the sh1t out of me. However, we did have a great day.

It only gets easier if you forget. I don't want to forget.

That is utterly heartbreaking

Glad ye had a great day. I think the idea of it and the build up and dread was worse than the reality (as often is the case).

cookiexx

Went to the cemetery with my dad to visit my grandparents' grave on Christmas day.

They died before I was born, almost 35 years ago now, and he still gets upset, he still misses them every day.

The cemetery was packed. It brought tears to my eyes. So many families, young kids, people my age and people my parents' age standing at gravestones looking heartbroken. Saying "hi" to their loved ones and then heading home to cook the turkey.

Just thought I'd mention it. You're never alone. Sorry for all of your losses x