Collab on this lyric

fredchest

Hi,
Just wondering if anyone wld like to help me finish this song....
The lyrics below....the chorus is a bit sappy, a bit obvious...
I have some music done...but I would like fresh input/ideas....

Thanks, if you can

Genre: soft rock/A/C or ballad
Male singer


FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE



I'm here
On that same stretch of beach
Where we jogged and we talked
In that early morning fog
I don't care
When people start to stare
Seems I’m talkin’ with myself
But I talk with you, no one else

Gonna find your wet footprints
Gonna step right in
The waves can rush in
But I won't let them
Erase any trace of you

… I don't wanna cry


I don't wanna cry
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes (too obvious line here?)
Every day I wanna r call your name out
Cause deep down I feel you’re still alive
Feel you’re alive (repeat only once?)
Feel you’re alive
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes
I don't wanna cry
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes


I’ll grab (the times they shared, might be better?)
Washed up bits of a wreck's mast
Scrape our names on the sand
Sayin here’s the place, where we ran

And I’ll find your wet footprints
Gonna step right in
The waves can rush in
But I won't let them
Erase any trace of you

… I don't wanna cry (pause before chorus)


I don't wanna cry
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes
Each day wanna call your name aloud
Cause deep down I feel you’re still alive
Feel you’re alive
Feel you’re alive
I don't wanna cry
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes
I don't wanna cry
the FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE
I just want you here in front of my eyes


You were someone that everyone loved
You are someone that everyone still loves

Gonna find your wet footprints
Gonna step right in


Chorus rpt

Yellow pack crisps

FIRST CRY OF GOODBYE



I'm here
On that same stretch of beach
we used to jog, when we talked
In early morning mist
people start to stare but i don't care
thinking I’m talkin’ to myself
its just you, no one else

Gonna find your wet footprints
Gonna jump right in
waves crash, destroying everything but you

i cry


I don't wanna cry that first cry of goodbye
I just want you here between my eyes
Every day i call your name
to me you’re still alive
alive
alive
GOODBYE
I just want you here between my eyes
i cry
GOODBYE
I just want you here between my eyes


the mast of our wreck i still cling to
We scrape our names into the sand
here’s the place, where we ran

I’ll find your wet footprints
Gonna jump right in
The waves can rush in
But I won't let them
Erase a trace of you

I cry (pause before chorus)



I don't wanna cry that first cry of goodbye
I just want you here between my eyes
Every day i call your name
to me you’re still alive
alive
alive
GOODBYE
I just want you here between my eyes
i cry
GOODBYE
I just want you here between my eyes


Everyone loved you, they love you now

I’ll find your wet footprints
Gonna jump right in
The waves rush in
But I won't let them
Erase any trace of you




I just re-arranged your words a bit to perhaps have it running smoother.

sephsleft06

hey thanks for your contribution

Do you write music, cause I have some music a bit

Yellow pack crisps

sephsleft06 wrote: »

hey thanks for your contribution

Do you write music, cause I have some music a bit

Are you the OP?

sephsleft06

yes the original poster, sorry yeah different sign in name

mARKsv23

I’ll grab (the times they shared, might be better?)
Instead of "I'll grab", perhaps I'll remember the times they shared might sound more poetic.