Seeing someone but afraid, too good for me???

LegacyUser

Mods if you could put this in its own thread, I would be grateful. I don't know how to do that. Thank you.

Well I have just started seeing someone recently and I feel scared and worried about it.

I have had a very bad past, abusive parent, abusive husband, and other men who just used to drop me. I was just beginning to be OK about being by myself when I met this man. We have connected on a lot of levels, a lovely and passionate attraction and a meeting of minds, and he is a really nice man.

But I really have my doubts about this though. Inside, I am an utter shell of a person. ( it is strange , but I didn't use to feel like this AT ALL until I met this guy - this brought out these issues now.). By that I mean, I guess, there is no more trusting a man for me. Deep inside , I am completely , totally convinced that I am going to get dropped at some point, no matter how nice he is , no matter what he says and does and is.

This is very problematic. This man is so nice, he treats me well and does things for me to be happy. I really don't know what to do about this, he is really too nice for me to be with, I feel that very very strongly. I can't relax at all. I feel like a horrible, untrusting person who should now become a good and trusting one because I have met someone who is normal and nice, but it is impossible, like trying to turn back the clock. We're ultimately incompatible.

This is all going to end badly yet again, I know it. I would really really rather be unhappy from the off, much rather than trying to believe in happiness and for everything to be suddenly taken away.

What a weird situation this is. Like I said, I was really HAPPY ON MY OWN lately, and now this. It is like the universe doesn't want to leave me any peace whatsoever.

My capacity for love and trust is seriously damaged, it's NOT FAIR to drag someone like this chap into my issues . But also I don't know how to break it off, I have never broken it off with anyone, it has always been the other way around. I always just really like it when there is someone to care about how their day is going and to take care of them.

Any thoughts appreciated.

Emme

Christmas 2016 wrote: »

mod snip

The man you're seeing sounds nice but have you had counselling? You have had a rough past.

silverbolt

Ok OP. You ahve a chance at happiness. These problem stem from you - not him. These issues have a way of bleeding into a relationship and drowning it. Your insecurity will affect it and you will create your own self fulfilling prophecy. And your insecurity will crow loudly when it does go tits up.

I'm going to agree with Emme. Have you tried conselling?

racso1975

Hey op I hope you done mind but I tried to beak down each problem as I saw it from your post

Well I have just started seeing someone recently and I feel scared and worried about it.

Thats normal everybody gets that feeling as the relationship is nice and you worry that it will go.

We have connected on a lot of levels, a lovely and passionate attraction and a meeting of minds, and he is a really nice man.

Not always an easy thing to get on so many levels op so that's a great start

By that I mean, I guess, there is no more trusting a man for me. Deep inside , I am completely , totally convinced that I am going to get dropped at some point, no matter how nice he is , no matter what he says and does and is.

These are 2 different problems one is a trust one and one is a self worth one. I will come to the self worth one again. It is completely understandable why you would have difficulty trusting after all the bad relationships you experienced. All I can say is that there are men out there who are not complete sh1ts!!! who want to treat a lady right and love her and respect her for who she is!!! Regaining trust is not an easy thing as you have been more or less programmed at this stage to not trust and you need to start reprogramming that

This man is so nice, he treats me well and does things for me to be happy. I really don't know what to do about this, he is really too nice for me to be with, I feel that very very strongly.

No he is not!!! This is based purely on your image of yourself op!!! you did not experience abusive relationships because you deserved them you experienced them because the people (not men) were total ar$e holes. None of it was your fault!!!

This is all going to end badly yet again, I know it.

No you dont. Though you can make it end that way and then turn around and say I knew this would happen because I am not good enough and continue on the cycle of low self esteem.

It is like the universe doesn't want to leave me any peace whatsoever.

Honestly it has nothing to do with the universe playing games. Maybe, if you do believe in fate, the universe has decided to give you what you need and want. A man who wants and will take good care of you and love you for you!!! Maybe this is your time!!!

it's NOT FAIR to drag someone like this chap into my issues

Tell him how you feel and your past and let him make that decision!!! please do not make it for him and leave him wondering what he did wrong or whats wrong with him

I always just really like it when there is someone to care about how their day is going and to take care of them.

Is this part of the crux of the problem? You are used to taking care and listening and never being asked? Along comes this man who wants to take care of you and ask about your day and you are not sure how to cope?

You want my advice. Tell him your fears and anxieties before they destroy the relationship. Learn to trust and love again. Firstly yourself and then this man. As said it might be an idea to look at some professional help. Take it slow and keep communicating as best you can.

Best of luck and i really hope you get to enjoy this and hopefully this is your time to find a loving man.

tara73

I would agree with the other posters, did you have counselling? if not, it is really important you do, because you won't get out of this rut by yourself.