The big question... I'm as jittery as a kitten on ice

DangerMouse27

Hello fellow night owls,

I have a fairly momentous moment coming up on Christmas Eve and I am hoping to receive a little advice.

I am intending to ask my beloved to marry me on Christmas Eve. I have asked her parents for permission as I am a sentimental kinda fella and I am fairly sure that they are happy. She has no idea it's about to happen but I am maybe getting cold feet none the less.

Has anybody any history on feeling the jitters. Should I write something down or go with what I'm thinking of saying. I really don't want to meander into a sentence and go a bit, ehhs and aahs. I can do that when I'm a bit nervous.

Plus my choice of ring is a bit of a shot in the dark. It's simple which she likes but I've also had two wedding bands that belonged to a Great Grandmother and another relative fused together to create a sort of a chain. We will carry this, put it in our house and when the time is right, separate them and wear them as our wedding bands.

My hopefully future fiancee, has a great sense of family so I am hoping this will be a very welcome surprise to the ring.

Has anyone done something similar or is one ring enough?

GingerLily

I think one ring is more then enough for the proposal, good luck!!!

Ursus Horribilis

In my opinion you're overthinking it. All those rings you speak of are sheer overkill. Leave the family rings at home and just bring the ring you bought. You do realise you didn't have to buy any ring at all, don't you?

Hopefully she'll like the ring you bought her. Have you the option to exchange it if she doesn't like it?

DangerMouse27

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

In my opinion you're overthinking it. All those rings you speak of are sheer overkill. Leave the family rings at home and just bring the ring you bought. You do realise you didn't have to buy any ring at all, don't you?

Hopefully she'll like the ring you bought her. Have you the option to exchange it if she doesn't like it?

I understand that what felt right, was the right thing to do. If we don't believe in what we feel, then why do anything at all.

Thank you nonetheless.

bee06

Don't worry about being nervous or stumbling over your words! All that shows is how much it means to you. Just take a deep breath, say what you want to say and enjoy. I'm sure it will be lovely!

bp

My husband messed his proposal up and it only made it more special! You rarely hear a "perfect" story, the best ones are the personal ones that have some fun.

Good luck

Onthefence

Well done on choosing a ring yourself, you know her so she's bound to love your choice. Good luck!!

Loveinapril

Aw this is such a gorgeous 'relationship issue'. I got engaged a a year and two weeks ago and it still makes me feel all goose pimply thinking about it, even though we are married 8 months!
It is great that you have put so much thought into it, but please don't write anything down. Have your thoughts and words memorised but be prepared to lose the run of yourself and just blab it out. No matter how you do it, it will always remain a special memory. I would agree with the other poster who says leave the wedding bands at home. Maybe that could be included in a christmas gift but it will be overload and maybe not seen for the gesture it is when your girlfriend is engaged with a ring! Best of luck. And take a photo for yourselves. I wish I had one of us in the glow!

Dial Hard

DangerMouse27 wrote:

I understand that what felt right, was the right thing to do. If we don't believe in what we feel, then why do anything at all.

No offence, but why did you post at all if all you want is assenting opinions? If it was just for back-slaps about your proposal plan, then perhaps the wedding forum would have been more appropriate.

FWIW, I agree with Ursus, I think you're seriously over-egging the pudding here. And I would go ballistic if my partner asked my parents permission to propose to me. Where does her agency come into the whole thing?

I'm sorry, OP, but it all just seems terribly "staged" to me. Hopefully your girlfriend won't feel the same.

Turtle_

Dial Hard wrote: »

No offence, but why did you post at all if all you want is assenting opinions? If it was just for back-slaps about your proposal plan, then perhaps the wedding forum would have been more appropriate.

FWIW, I agree with Ursus, I think you're seriously over-egging the pudding here. And I would go ballistic if my partner asked my parents permission to propose to me. Where does her agency come into the whole thing?

I'm sorry, OP, but it all just seems terribly "staged" to me. Hopefully your girlfriend won't feel the same.

I'd feel very left out... What if she has family rings she'd like to use? Or what if she'd just have liked to be involved in picking the engagement ring? And what if she doesn't want to use someone else's wedding ring; what if she wants her own? It actually comes across as a bit controlling.. So I'd be inclined to leave the wedding rings out..

You know your girlfriend best though, so I hope she does like what you're doing, and I hope the proposal goes well for you.

Genuinely, best of luck and hope you have a lovely Christmas together.

silverbolt

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Hello fellow night owls,

I have a fairly momentous moment coming up on Christmas Eve and I am hoping to receive a little advice.

I am intending to ask my beloved to marry me on Christmas Eve. I have asked her parents for permission as I am a sentimental kinda fella and I am fairly sure that they are happy. She has no idea it's about to happen but I am maybe getting cold feet none the less.

Has anybody any history on feeling the jitters. Should I write something down or go with what I'm thinking of saying. I really don't want to meander into a sentence and go a bit, ehhs and aahs. I can do that when I'm a bit nervous.

Plus my choice of ring is a bit of a shot in the dark. It's simple which she likes but I've also had two wedding bands that belonged to a Great Grandmother and another relative fused together to create a sort of a chain. We will carry this, put it in our house and when the time is right, separate them and wear them as our wedding bands.

My hopefully future fiancee, has a great sense of family so I am hoping this will be a very welcome surprise to the ring.

Has anyone done something similar or is one ring enough?

You realise that asking permission is part of the old patriarchal tradition of daughters being essentially property? The same as asking someone to borrow their phone.

I wouldnt ask permission to marry my partner. Parents dont like it - tough im not marrying them.

Anyway - OP youre overthinking it. Just go with it.

SB_Part2

Turtle_ wrote: »

I'd feel very left out... What if she has family rings she'd like to use? Or what if she'd just have liked to be involved in picking the engagement ring? And what if she doesn't want to use someone else's wedding ring; what if she wants her own? It actually comes across as a bit controlling.. So I'd be inclined to leave the wedding rings out..

You know your girlfriend best though, so I hope she does like what you're doing, and I hope the proposal goes well for you.

Genuinely, best of luck and hope you have a lovely Christmas together.

Surely if she has a family ring she'd like to use this would have come up in conversation before now?

Turtle_

SB_Part2 wrote: »

Surely if she has a family ring she'd like to use this would have come up in conversation before now?

Not necessarily. I wouldn't mention the family ring I have way in advance of being engaged because I'd expect to be in some way involved in picking the rings, and it could come up for discussion then... When we figured out whether we wanted matching set or what.

SarahMollie

Agreed that this is perhaps better suited to the Weddings forum, but seriously, could we stop negging on the OP?

It sounds a bit traditional for my taste but I'm sure he knows his GF, so let him at it. He's proposing and thats a nice thing. He's putting some thought into it and obviously wants to make it special which is also nice.

Good luck OP - stop over thinking it! She'll just be delighted that you're proposing I'm sure so just relax and enjoy.

bee06

SarahMollie wrote: »

It sounds a bit traditional for my taste but I'm sure he knows his GF, so let him at it. He's proposing and thats a nice thing. He's putting some thought into it and obviously wants to make it special which is also nice.

Good luck OP - stop over thinking it! She'll just be delighted that you're proposing I'm sure so just relax and enjoy.

Yep, I'm sure he knows his girlfriend better than some strangers on the internet.

OP, it will be special no matter what. It doesn't need to be this big planned production. Just speak from the heart.

SB_Part2

Turtle_ wrote: »

Not necessarily. I wouldn't mention the family ring I have way in advance of being engaged because I'd expect to be in some way involved in picking the rings, and it could come up for discussion then... When we figured out whether we wanted matching set or what.

I'm pretty sure every couple who's got engaged has at least talked about it beforehand in some way, shape or form. Like you, you expect to be involved and your partner would know that before getting a ring.

racso1975

The ring: You know your fiance better then us. My view is it is a token of the the phenomenal gesture of asking somebody to agree to spending the rest of your life together. If a person put more weight on the ring then the "engagement" then.......Any how you have it and you think she'll love it so well done on that.

I completely get your dilema. I hate that bumbling feeling when talking important stuff but in a lot of cases you sound worse in your own head then you actually do!!! Personally I would think of a few key things you want to say that will let her know how important she is too you but dont rehearse the whole thing.

I think the bands is a very nice touch so long as you dont get offended if she wants to maybe add or take away. Maybe if she has bands the they could be all melted together to make new ones hence the history of the 2 families are melted together.


Finally an this is the VERY MOST IMPORTANT part. If you do not come back on here and tell us how this went there will be serious trouble......:D

Best of luck man and I hope you have the 1st of many amazing xmas's with your fiance

GingerLily

A bit of advice OP, try to relax a bit and wait for the right moment rather then force it, I know a lot of men that tried to stage the perfect scene and they said it was too much stress and they wished they had just been more flexible.

Personally I hate the forced engagement stories, that have fireworks and all - you usually find out the bride already knew about it and picked out the ring and it was all for show, which just seems a little fake to me.