Friends angry at me as I can't meet up with them this week

LegacyUser

Basically, me and my 3 friends (2 (lads and one other girl) are all in different colleges and one is in a different country  in college..we don't all get to see each other that often, only really every christmas and easter. I will refer to the 2 guus as Friend 1 and Friend 2 and the girl as Friend 3.

This year we were all supposed to meett and we created a group chat to discuss the issue. I was really looking forward to seeing the two lads as haven't seen them since Easter time. I've seen the girl a good bit. Anyways, we were discussing when would be a good time to meet. Thursday was ininitally suggested (today) but I said I couldn't as I had an exam and naturally I could not postpone it. Then Friday was suggested but I am scheduled to perhaps get my braces off on Friday and I said that was a no go too (If it were any other time I would cancel, but I don't want too as I am very near the end of my dental treatment). So then Friend 1 suggested a date next week, which was ok with me and Friend 3.

But Friend 2 said they may be working, Friend 1 got annoyed and I was extremely shocked when Friend 2 messaged an extremely angry reply directed at me:

"It's all X's fault. We could have gone Thursday or Friday if it weren't for her. As usual, she ruins everything. Last time it was a beauty appointment, now it's a denist appointment".   Now..I should point out that I happened to have booked in for a beauty appointment on the day we met up last Easter but obviously I cancelled it to meet up with my friends so I'm  not sure why that was brought up...

I replied to Friend 2 that I wasn't trying to ruin plans, I genuinely had an exam, to which they replied:

"Just another crappy excuse to add to your ever growing list. If you have no interest in meeting up then just say so and stop wasting all our time."

Friend 1 agreed and told me that I had a lot to answer for...

Now I was extremely annoyed and actually quite hurt at the way Friend 2 had a go at me as I of course trying to ruin things. And calling my exam a crappy excuse. I was also hurt that Friend 1 agreed with the other lad as I had told him the previous day all about the exam..

Friend 3 didn't reply but it should be noted that before this all kicked off, she also said this week would not work for her because she had relatives visiting, which I mentioned in reply to Friend 1 and Friend 2.

I replied saying that as I was genuinely stressed about the exam and I did not want to argue. I stressed that I wasn't trying to ruin everything and that although I'd absolutely love to meet them, this week simply wasn't conveninent as I had too much gone. I said that yes I did have an exam and they could belive me or disbelieve me. I told them that if the 3 of them wanted to meet up then go ahead (for some reason this doesn't seem to be a runner) that I wouldn't be offended. I also said I was sorry that I couldn't meet up this week but I simply couldn't change my circumstances.

Following my response, Friend 1 accused me of 'twisting the kinfe in' while Friend 2 didn't respond at all, just a thumbs up emoj.

Now I suppose my question is..have I a right to be annoyed and hurt at their reactions or am I overreacting? I am hurt that I have been accused of ruining things and annoyed as I genuinely thought they'd understand as I genuinely do this week. I should add that Friend 2 is heading back to the country where he's currently living on the 29th. Just any advice would be nice! Maybe I should have tried to get out of Friday but as I said it's extremely important I attend. Thanks in advance!

Eimee90

Their reactions are so extreme, op, that i feel there must be more to it

meeeeh

Can you meet after dentist appointment?

But yeah either they are complete arses or there is more to the story.

woodchuck

I agree that it sounds like there must be more to this. It's an extreme over reaction if this the only issue... sounds like there has been stuff brewing under the surface for a long time and this is just the last straw for them.

Also why did you have to discount those days entirely? They are legitimate reasons, but could you not meet them those days after your exam or dentist appointment?

mojesius

I agree it sounds like this is a reaction to a build up of similar situations. Have you changed plans/not shown up for previous arrangements a few times before this OP?

Nevertheless, the ganging up over a messenger group is a bit harsh and I'd be upset if my friends had reacted that way.The older you get, the more life will get in the way of arrangements. Maybe your group of friends haven't realised this yet..

Aye Bosun

Wow, sounds like a complete over reaction. It's Christmas week, people are busy with family, work and personal committments. It's a shame you can't fix a date to suit all but that's life. I've a group of 5 friends who have been trying to arrange a get together for the last 2 weeks..March is the closest time that will happen..no one through a strop about it. Another group of friends from my child hood who like together for a catch up over Christmas are meeting tonight..that date was arranged over 6 months ago to make sure everyone could be there!

My reaction to that would be quite simple. 1 line:

Happy Christmas and New Year to you all.
xyz has left the group.

Friends are meant to be there to support you not berate you cause you're busy or make your life more difficult by **** stirring, if these are old friends from college or school day's maybe it's time to move on and cultivate friendships you've made as an adult who understand the pressures of the real world!

GingerLily

I do agree with the questions regarding your excuses, could you not meet after the exam or orthodontist?
I have braces myself so I find it odd that you wouldn't know for sure if they're coming off today or not, and why couldn't you meet after wards? I always look forward to a sneaky drink after the pain of the orthodontist.

But all that aside - your "friends" are SO disrespectful to you, why do you let them talk to you that way? If my friends talked to me that way I would reconsider calling them friends, your not 16, this friendship group is extremely disfunctional.

FTA69

Sign of a good friendship is that ye don't have to be in constant contact and can pick up where ye left off after months or years.

This shower are carrying on like primary school children. Tell them to jog on.

orthsquel

Sounds like there's a lot of frustration and uncertainty.... and still no plans made! With friend 2 they may feel under pressure to get a day off where they can't get one as a last resort for a chance to meet up and could be feeling angry that the pressure is on them when a previous date would have suited and may be annoyed with themselves but misdirecting their anger at you.

Some may think a dentist appointment is fairly trivial and something that can be easily re-scheduled or isn't going to take a whole day and wouldn't warrant not agreeing to a date to meet up. The dentist probably isn't going to be going anywhere but you may want to ensure you have your priorities the right way as perhaps your friends feel they're not important to you?

Did you put forward any dates that you are free and available OP?

With one of your friends leaving on the 29th, tbh in your position I'd make myself available to meet up with all of them before that date. Perhaps they feel you are no longer interested, or perhaps one of the others is feeling that way but doesn't necessarily want to say it outright or change how it is. Perhaps meeting up individually rather than as a group may be something you will have to investigate or alternatively make firm commitments in the future with a lot more certainty. I can understand that at this time of year some people don't want to be left hanging without plans or having re-arranged plans at last minute to accommodate others, or missing out on seeing other friends because of plans with others only for them to fall through.

Ursus Horribilis

"Just another crappy excuse to add to your ever growing list"

Like the others, I find it hard to believe that this blow-up came out of nowhere. Your friends are students so they know all about sitting exams and the stress. Having said that, why couldn't you go meet them after you'd finished the exam? Equally, why is Friday a complete write-off because of your braces? I don't remember getting mine off being that big a deal.

I am wondering do you have a tendency to over-dramatize things? Do you make a lot of excuses or come across as self-centred sometimes? Is there often a story/caveat attached to your meet-ups with them I'm throwing those out there as possible reasons for this turn in events. I think there is some detail missing from your story.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Augme

I can see where you're friends are coming from. Chances are you list excuses like this whenever you can't making something. As others have mentioned, I find it really odd how you can't meet them after these events and if someone was consistently ruling out a whole day for meeting up because of a dentist appointment or even exam I'd start to find it very odd and would just assume they didn't actually have that much interest in meeting up.