Break up

Mysteriousmac

Hi, my ex recently broke up with me, we were together for 4 years and I'm currently 19. This really devastated me as I'm still very much in love with her. Her reasons for breaking up were that she wants to find herself and discover who she is and become more dependent. Now considering she has never said anything like this before I found it very hard to believe that was the true reason. But I tried to be as understandable as I could. She said she still loved me and wanted to be together in the future. At the moment I feel very depressed, anxious and unmotivated. Yesterday while out with my friends I saw her from behind walking alone with her arms around another guy. This absolutely killed me I felt like I got shot in the heart. I haven't been sleeping or eating and find it hard to do everyday stuff

Now I suppose to get to the purpose of this, has anyone any advice on how to deal with a breakup when you're on the receiving end. And how to deal with the situation where I saw her with a guy. I'm so dejected and heartbroken.

This is my first post btw

bp

Time and spending time with your friends and family is the way to go. You must block her on all social media etc as it will only make the healing process longer.

Have someone help you take photos of her down and put them away out of sight. She obviously checked out of the relationship before breaking it off which is hard when you don't see it coming.

You are very young with your life ahead of you - plan some travel around Europe or a J1 or something. You need to look forward and not back.

You change as a person a lot between the ages of 15 and 19, and 19 and 24 - you two may have just changed differently.

Good luck and it will get better. Please don't hold out hope she will come back to you as if she does it will only be a stop gap before it happens again. And don't believe "let's be friends" - this cannot happen for a long while and will only stop you moving on

Google_Home

Mysteriousmac wrote: »

Hi, my ex recently broke up with me, we were together for 4 years and I'm currently 19. This really devastated me as I'm still very much in love with her. Her reasons for breaking up were that she wants to find herself and discover who she is and become more dependent. Now considering she has never said anything like this before I found it very hard to believe that was the true reason. But I tried to be as understandable as I could. She said she still loved me and wanted to be together in the future. At the moment I feel very depressed, anxious and unmotivated. Yesterday while out with my friends I saw her from behind walking alone with her arms around another guy. This absolutely killed me I felt like I got shot in the heart. I haven't been sleeping or eating and find it hard to do everyday stuff

Now I suppose to get to the purpose of this, has anyone any advice on how to deal with a breakup when you're on the receiving end. And how to deal with the situation where I saw her with a guy. I'm so dejected and heartbroken.

This is my first post btw

She wasn't that into you, she wants to be with other men.

Let her go, don't contact her. Focus on improving yourself in all aspects of your life. Wealth, health and relationships.

Become more attractive, approach loads of women for a few years, keep and open mind and learn. You will become better at attracting women and you will be able to attract more attractive women.

Maximus Alexander

This is a tough thing to take and can take a little while to get over fully, but you will. The best thing you can do is be proactive and spend time with friends and family, as suggested above. Get out, socialise, and it will take your mind off it and remind you that there is life outside of that relationship.

One thing you definitely need to forget about is that "She said she still loved me and wanted to be together in the future." You see this a lot and there might be some truth in it in the sense that she probably still cares about you and wanted to soften the blow, but the reality is that she chose not to be with you. It's of no use to you to leave that door open, so close it and move on. It will be hard at first, but before too long it'll just be something that happened in your past.

daithi7

Second the advice above. Try to spend time with friends, family and supportive people in your life. I agree with the socialising part but would issue a word of caution here. Try to socialise healthily I.e. say more through sports, clubs, activities, etc, etc , etc I world be wary of getting into a cycle of drinking too much, and boozing and partying to excess , particularly at this time of year when it's so easy,tbh. That's exactly what you should try to avoid doing imho. You need to be kind to yourself now, allow yourself time to heal and to keep yourself busy improving your life and expanding your social circles with positive outgoing people while you're doing so. Good luck!

P.s. forget her, she's moved on, so should you, no matter how strange or hurtful that may feel initially. It gets better, you have your whole life ahead of you, there will be many more romances, dalliances and loss of time for more meaningful relationships in the years ahead.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I could've written your post when I was your age. My (then) boyfriend said similar things to what your girlfriend said. He told me he loved me, he wanted a chance to be young and not in a serious relationship so early (both 18 years old). He said he could always see a future with me, but he needed to find himself. (Similar to your GF).
It broke my heart to pieces and I just couldn't understand it. If he loved me, why leave? I was deeply depressed for a year.

Five years later, I have thought about it quite a bit. I wonder did he actually love me and wanted to discover himself? Or was it his way of escaping the relationship, of letting me down gently? To be honest, I probably will never find out.

I think it's just one of those funny ways of life, OP. I loved our relationship. I think of it very fondly. I'm now in a long term relationship and couldn't be happier.



You're young OP, it feels like the world is over. But it's not. I remember those feelings of loneliness, loss and sadness. It always gets better.


Delete numbers, hang out with friends, go travelling. Meet new people (there are millions of them in the world!). Create new challenge for yourself. Embrace life. Gain confidence.
You can do it.

The world is your oyster.

Ursus Horribilis

The reason why you're so devastated is that it has taken away your belief that you and her would get back together again. It is such a shame that people try to soften the blow of a break-up by saying these things. All it does is fills the person they've dumped with false hope.

You won't agree with me but I think being single for a while is a positive thing. You started going out with her when you were very young. I'm not convinced it's healthy for anybody to be tied up in a long-term relationship at that age. It can stunt other areas of your life, such as your development as an independent individual, friendships, hobbies, having the freedom to do your own thing. There have got to be things you sacrificed by being in this relationship. Might you also have become too dependent on her? Work on reconnecting with your friends, doing new things, enjoying yourself. Most relationships that start when people are as young as you were don't last the distance anyway. Some day you'll look back on this relationship with fondness and you'll be glad it ended when it did. It's not the end of the world. Rather, it's a new beginning for you.

JeffKenna

You're 19 and have your whole life ahead of you. Make the most of it, in ten years time I've no doubt you'll look back on this as a blessing.