Send ex a Christmas card/email

LegacyUser

Going post anon for this. So as above title suggests my ex girlfriend broke up with me nearly 8 months after being together for over 18 months. We had two Christmas together and this is the first Christmas I'll miss her. She seemed to move on fast and told me never to contact her again around 3 months after break up after I tried my hardest to get her back. Then around couple of weeks ago she came up to me on a night out and said hi and everything. I was chatting to another woman at the same time and when she saw her hand on my knee she made her exit quick. This has my head all in a heap as she said never to contact her again which I didn't but then she came up all smiles and everything. I really liked her family and her and would it be a good idea to send a Christmas card or email to her or just leave it for her to contact me if she still has some feelings. Don't want to look like begging to her but then do I just take a chance and do it??

coffee_cake

No, I'd take her at her word and don't send anything

K_P

^^^^^
Agreed. Don't send anything, she asked you not to contact her again and you haven't. Her approaching you on a night out was weird and headwrecking and she shouldn't have done it. Don't take it as an invitation to open up contact again.

LegacyUser

I did take her for her word when she told not to contact her again when she asked. It's just I know if I saw her out with some people I wouldn't go up to her if I told her not to contact me again and it has me questioning the reason why she did that. Also she added me on Snapchat a few weeks ago even though I deleted her number months ago and looks at my Snapchat's every time I put up one. I know I might be reading too much into these things but it's just to get things out there and see what people think.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

You gain nothing out of sending the card. I'd avoid.

You could just ask her what the story is. Life's too short for this messing around.

GingerLily

Why do you want to contact her?

Do you want to get back together?

Do you think she still has feelings for you?

I would say her adding you in social media and approaching you on a night out does sound like the ban has been lifted but I think you should be upfront about wanting contact and straight out ask her if it's okay with her rather then sending hidden meaning cards.

El_Duderino 09

K_P wrote:

^^^^^ Agreed. Don't send anything, she asked you not to contact her again and you haven't. Her approaching you on a night out was weird and headwrecking and she shouldn't have done it. Don't take it as an invitation to open up contact again.

^^^^^ seriously.

Nobody likes being told when they're being taken for a fool but sometimes it's necessary

OP, you're being taken for a fool.

You tried and failed to get her back. She then cut off communication. Then she sees you chatting to another woman an and gets interested again.

She's playing a power game with you and you can't win - precisely because she has all the power. If you pursue her and she likes it, she'll lead you on, if she gets bored shell break off communication again and you're back to square 1.

If she wanted to get back in contact with you, she would do it. Not on a night out and certainly not when you're talking to another woman. That's much more about power and control rather than wanting to know how you are.

Leave it alone.

Greenduck

OP, so she asks you not to contact her after she calls it a day. Then approaches you on a night out?

Sounds like a head melt to me. Do yourself a favour and a world of pain and don't email or send a card. You'll be back to square one!

LegacyUser

Anon 112 wrote: »

it's just to get things out there and see what people think.

Well, you've got it out there and what people think is to leave it alone. Nothing to see here, walk it off, stop harbouring hopes that a card will spark something*, move on.

*Yes, you are.

retro:electro

Delete her from snapchat. She wants to see what you're up to but at the same time wants nothing to do with you. Head melt.

kerry cow

Wait , let her send you a card and then you know your ground .

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, it's good to get diffferent views. Just to answer few things. Even though she broke my heart I still very much care for her, don't know if that's normal or not!! I wonder sometimes by coming up to me on a night out was she trying to reach out as maybe she did or did not see I was with another woman as once she saw her hand on me she left on the spot. But then as I think if she wanted to reach out to me she would try and make contact as she obviously still has my number as she added me on snapchat. So I think I'm not going to send anything and just see from there

Ursus Horribilis

Here's another take on it. She is the one who ended the relationship so she must've had her reasons. You mentioned in your first post that she moved on very quickly. You've got to bear in mind that by the time she told you she was ending things, she would've thought about it for quite a while. She was already somewhat over you before she even opened her mouth, if that makes sense?

You didn't say what "trying your hardest" to get her back entailed. If you were too persistent and tried to badger her into reconsidering her decision, she could've snapped and told you to never contact her again. Now, 8 months down the line, she thinks the two of you can be friends again. She's over you. She thinks you're over the break-up as well so it's safe to start including you in Snapchats and the likes. You can read as little or as much into her coming over to say Hi. She wasn't going to want to stand there like a gooseberry when it was obvious you were chatting some woman up.

StupidLikeAFox

It sounds like you had a relationship, you broke up and 8 months later the dust as settled so you can now be friends/acquaintances again. From her perspective, its unlikely that she is thinking "its been 8 months since we talked, maybe if I had some casual conversation and look at all his snapchats he will come running back to me"

If that is too hard for you to deal with, tell her that. If you need to have a conversation with her to get some proper closure, tell her that. If you want to find out if she has feelings for you, ask her.

If you are going to send her a Christmas card go ahead and do it as a friend, don't send it because "she might have some feelings".

LegacyUser

Anon 112 wrote: »

I did take her for her word when she told not to contact her again when she asked. It's just I know if I saw her out with some people I wouldn't go up to her if I told her not to contact me again and it has me questioning the reason why she did that.

Here's my two cents - there is a difference between texting/calling someone or arriving to their house to talk and saying hi to them when you happen to be in the same place. Maybe she felt she should come over and say hi rather then just ignoring you when you were in the same room. Have you a lot of mutual friends who were there as well? Could be she didn't want them to feel uncomfortable. Maybe she was worried you'd end up at the bar at the same time or walking down the same corridor to loos and it would be really uncomfortable so bite the built and just say go say hi. You said she legged it once she saw you were with someone. I'd question her actions if she stayed and tried to put the other woman off but she didn't. Your adults who I assume live in the same area or at very least go to the same clubs/pubs/etc from time to time so while you may not be on speaking terms in private you can still be cordial when in public.

As for social media like Snapchat I honestly wouldn't read much into that at all. Don't send a Christmas card.

eviltwin

First of all stop put significance into insignificant acts. She came up and said hi, that's all. If she had been trying to reach out to you or rekindle the relationship she would have done so by now.

Secondly don't send the card. You need to move on.

batmanrobin

Open to correction on this, but don't you have to accept a snap chat invitation? Like if someone wants to add you to their list of friends, you have to accept it? If that's the case, why accept it?

OP, you'll be very foolish to go down the road you're thinking of going down. Have you stopped to think that maybe she wants to know that you're still interested so you can be her safe bet? You know, the guy she'll fall back on when she's bored and looking for the ego boost?

I'd remove her as a friend on snapchat (yes, you can do this - even if you don't want to). Block her and start moving on, to me it reads like she's playing games.

LegacyUser

Just to respond to last few posts to give people clearer picture.I don't want to say too much but we were arguing a good bit towards end, she left me, I told her how much she meant to me etc, but no difference. so after we broke up she got into another relationship fairly quickly, and be honest it hurt me like hell. Heard through friend of a friend that has ended a few weeks ago and low and behold she adds me on Snapchat, comes up to me on night out, first time I've seen her since break up so i was rabbit caught in headlights. I didn't add her back on snapchat so I can't see what she's up to or her Snapchat, she can only see mine. Being honest I am trying it hard to move on as she meant the world to me. I know I'm now reading too much into nothing and I'm not going to send anything after reading all the replies so far

Redpunto

No,No,No,No and No

batmanrobin

Anon 112 wrote: »

Just to respond to last few posts to give people clearer picture.I don't want to say too much but we were arguing a good bit towards end, she left me, I told her how much she meant to me etc, but no difference. so after we broke up she got into another relationship fairly quickly, and be honest it hurt me like hell. Heard through friend of a friend that has ended a few weeks ago and low and behold she adds me on Snapchat, comes up to me on night out, first time I've seen her since break up so i was rabbit caught in headlights. I didn't add her back on snapchat so I can't see what she's up to or her Snapchat, she can only see mine. Being honest I am trying it hard to move on as she meant the world to me. I know I'm now reading too much into nothing and I'm not going to send anything after reading all the replies so far

When I was reading your posts I was thinking she must be recently single. You're her back up, OP. She might be hoping that you'll get in touch and she can get her ego massaged until she finds someone else and drops you again.

Block her on everything. You don't have to explain to her that you are, just block her and start moving on with your life. You obviously still have feelings for her otherwise this wouldn't be melting your head so much.

Ursus Horribilis

Anon 112 wrote: »

...Heard through friend of a friend that has ended a few weeks ago and low and behold she adds me on Snapchat, comes up to me on night out, first time I've seen her since break up so i was rabbit caught in headlights.

Ah now this changes everything and blows my earlier theory out of the water. I think it's good that she saw you chatting to this other woman because it may have saved you from further heartache down the line. It's unlikely that the reasons for her breaking it off have gone away. She just doesn't want to be single and you're her backup plan. It's very unfair on you because it's obvious that you still have feelings for her.

LegacyUser

Yes I'll admit it, I still have massive feelings for her, no other woman I've met since has given me the same feeling, just hope I get another shot at love in the future!! It's just tough as this time of the year last year was a happy time. However I've read all advice and I'm not sending anything, I'm going to try and move on, whatever games she is or is not up to, I'm not going to be her ego booster or anything. Thanks to all

leggo

If it helps OP (in the long run, it may sting a bit to hear it right now), the person you care about likely didn't ever exist. You've got this perfect image of her in your head and that's what you're mourning right now...but I'm pretty sure the image you have is of someone who cared about you right? Except, the thing is, this woman doesn't and likely didn't. You were a mere pawn in a narcissistic game going on in her head. Her behaviour since the split is telling you everything you need to know. She broke it off and jumped straight into another relationship (was she talking to him, or more, and perhaps had him lined up while you were together?) When you had a natural emotional reaction to the shock, she asked you to stop talking to her because she didn't care about how much her decision hurt you (when I break up with someone, depending on how long I've been with them, I see these kinda texts and attempts to reach out as a 'duty of care' I've got to deal with for hurting them). When her new relationship didn't work out, she started trying to use you for attention and even sabotage opportunities you had with other girls.

She doesn't give a rats about you dude. She's not a nice (much less perfect) person and, in time, you'll see that and be thankful it ended. Until then just remind yourself of that every time these feelings come up until they're gone.

angeleyes

Sorry OP but your ex wants the best of both worlds. She told you not to contact her but yet she adds you on Snapchat (block her) and then comes up to you in a nightclub. She wants to know what your up to and test or tease you at the same time. Not a woman to be trusted.

You'll annoy her more by blocking her and ignoring her when out. Just walk away from her - and find someone who will love you with no strings or conditions attached.