An Au Pair who feels very 'at home'

CyberDave

We have recently taken on an Au Pair. She's great and sometimes even makes dinner for us in the evening. Problem for me is she has taken up residence in my favourite chair in the living room and is in there watching Netflix most evenings before I'm ready to sit down. She will continue to watch whatever she's watching and has no consideration that it's actually my wife or me should have calling rights on the TV. We have another TV downstairs, the same size which she can use, but doesn't.

How can I get her to basically, feck off and do her own thing without offending, as we find it hard to even get an Au Pair, given our rural location.

who what when

How dare she feel she has the right to sit down and watch something of her choosing after cooking the family dinner.
Get rid immediately!

xabi

Send her a link to this thread, or maybe tell her the rules. How is she supposed to know if you don't tell her?

Keyzer

Shoot the bitch...

CyberDave

who what when wrote: »

How dare she feel she has the right to sit down and watch something of her choosing after cooking the family dinner.
Get rid immediately!

She can sit and watch the exact same TV in another room no problem, but we own the house, so she has no right to hog the TV!! She occasionally cooks the dinner. She is treated very well. Much better than reports of others I have heard.

BorneTobyWilde

Is the heating an issue? Is it warm where she is and other tv is in cellar at minus 2 degrees ?
Why not buy her a comfy chair and make the other room her own

5rtytry56

CyberDave wrote: »

She can sit and watch the exact same TV in another room no problem, but we own the house, so she has no right to hog the TV!! She occasionally cooks the dinner. She is treated very well. Much better than reports of others I have heard.

I am guessing your household has central heating.

so for that room where this au pair creature sits on your favourite upholstery to watch your television......

1. turn OFF the radiator.
   
2. State that the radiator is "broken for some reason" in the room.
   
3. Don't allow her to put on the fire, or an electric heater.

You're frosty attitude will get to her in no time!

nhunter100

CyberDave wrote:

We have recently taken on an Au Pair. She's great and sometimes even makes dinner for us in the evening. Problem for me is she has taken up residence in my favourite chair in the living room and is in there watching Netflix most evenings before I'm ready to sit down. She will continue to watch whatever she's watching and has no consideration that it's actually my wife or me should have calling rights on the TV. We have another TV downstairs, the same size which she can use, but doesn't.

You mean you're only realising now that she is not pyshic and has no idea what you think unless you verbalise it for her. How very inconsiderate of her.

xabi

Man up and tell her that there is something you want to watch and if she wants to watch something else to go to the other room. I don't understand why its an issue.

CyberDave

Heating is the same in all rooms really. I just think she should have the basic cop on to know my wife and me need our own space (tut, tut... not what you're thinking). We took her on to mind the kids, not as a third wheel!! We have had two previous Au Pairs. Both spent plenty of time with the family, but basically did their own thing in their room at a certain point. Any time we do eventually get control back of the TV, she will hint at leaving it on a channel where certain movie of her preference is on, while we're flicking it!! Cheeky I think.

CiboC

Just tell her!

She is not going to know that it is 'your' chair any other way.... While you are at it, put a bit of thought into making a list of your standard 'house rules' so that you can let her know what the other unknown knowns are!

CyberDave

xabi wrote: »

Man up and tell her that there is something you want to watch and if she wants to watch something else to go to the other room. I don't understand why its an issue.

As I said in my initial post we don't want her to be offended and up sticks and leave! We find it hard to get an Au Pair for our location.

uck51js9zml2yt

Get her a comfy chair for the other room and give her the room...Of course that will mean talking to her as she won't know otherwise!

s15r330

Go into the room with your wife, sit on the sofa and turn on a porno, the au pair will either get the hint or you will be in for a good night!

mfceiling

Is she attractive...if so just watch her in the evening. Will be better than 99% of what's on the tele.

CyberDave

CiboC wrote: »

Just tell her!

She is not going to know that it is 'your' chair any other way.... While you are at it, put a bit of thought into making a list of your standard 'house rules' so that you can let her know what the other unknown knowns are!

Yes you are probably right on the just telling her pary, but I think she she have the basic common sense to know she is a third wheel!!!

5rtytry56

CyberDave wrote: »

We took her on to mind the kids, not as a third wheel!!

CyberDave wrote: »

Any time we do eventually get control back of the TV, she will hint at leaving it on a channel where certain movie of her preference is on, while we're flicking it!! Cheeky I think.

Your kids won't get the concept of third wheel. What does your partner think about the au pair changing channels Does your partner agree with you that she's acting like a third wheel.
How does your partner feel about the relationship between the aupair and your kids?

bullpost

Mention casually that you and your wife are occasional naturists and enjoy nothing more than sitting in your favourite chair and reading the paper naked when the mood takes you. I think that will scare her off that chair forever.

holy guacamole

Just pretend she isn't there. Sit on top of her, take the remote and start perusing the channels as you normally would: "Hmm, wonder what's on TV tonight, love."

Eventually she'll either smother to death or stop sitting in your chair.

gifted

Remote control belongs to the man of the house...just tell her that...












Until the missus just so takes it off me and I sheepishly make her coffee lol l

eviltwin

Does she have a tv in her room? If not you should get one so she has the option to watch there. She shouldn't be monopolizing the evening viewing but she does need her own downtime too and access to a tv. Unless you think an au pair should be out of sight once the kids are in bed.

Eta I see you mentioned another tv elsewhere. Could it be that room isn't as comfortable as the main one? Does that tv have access to Netflix? Could she be a bit lonely perhaps and just wants to feel part of the family?

dodderangler

Don't suppose she's German by any chance?

BeepBeep67

CyberDave you need to become RealWorldDave and sit her down and discuss some ground rules - which of course should be fair and flexible.

C3PO

I think the issue here is that your understanding of the role of an "Au pair" and hers appear to be quite different!
It has always been my understanding, and most online definitions would agree, that "The au pair is considered as a full member of the family during the entire stay" and as such she obviously feels that as an adopted family member she would contribute and behave as she would at home!
I think if you wish her to do otherwise then it is your responsibility to explain to her what you expect!

nhunter100

I always thought the idea of an Au Pair was to make them feel part of the family whilst they learnt English in return for some light housework and childminding. Guess I was wrong turns out she should know her place which is downstairs away from the family only to surface when her labour is required. I have it right, now ?

lazygal

Au pairs are supposed to be part of the family. They're not employees who are dismissed to the servant's quarters when not on duty.

CalamariFritti

So it occurs to you posting the 'problem' on boards is the more obvious and straightforward approach as opposed to, er, talking to her?

andekwarhola

Judging by what you read online, the ideal Au Pair seems to be expected to provide around the clock childcare and housework on the cheap but instantly fcuk off to the garden shed whenever required.

Dubl07

She's probably away from home for the first time. Missing her parents and siblings. You're somewhat in loco parentis here. Treat her the way you'll want your own children treated in a few years if they were to try au pairing for a year. She needs adult company after looking after your kids all day.

Socialise with her, talk to her, try turning off the fecking tv. Life doesn't revolve around the box. Drag out the Scrabble set to help her English.

Alun

lazygal wrote: »

Au pairs are supposed to be part of the family. They're not employees who are dismissed to the servant's quarters when not on duty.

Indeed, the very name "au pair" is French for "on equal terms" and refers to an arrangement where payment is made by the exchange of services. They clean your house and look after the kids, you provide them board and lodging and help improve their English.

pwurple

This is such a sad thread. Your au pair is part of the family. Speak to her. And you've missed the boat, but that should have been in your agreement up front. 
Is it that you are so remote there is literally nothing else for her to do except zombie out in front of a television? 
We have an au pair/ We barely see her in the evenings. She goes to English classes, hangs out with the other au pairs around, goes down the local pub / sports club to play cards or does a  quiz. Does an art class. Does online training courses.
That being said, I wouldn't mind if she watched the TV, because we are usually either doing some work, or out for a jog, or the neighbours are in for a chat or whatever. 

So yeah, if you don't want to speak to her...
A) Get yourself another hobby
Pay for her to go to something else.

boombang

CyberDave wrote: »

We have another TV downstairs, the same size which she can use, but doesn't.

Is this a TV that you could use, but don't?

Ash.J.Williams

I'm with the au pair

mkdon05

By way of the recent ruling in the labour court, an Au pair does not exist in Ireland. What you have is a live in employee who is entitled to minimum wage and all other protection afforded to employees in Ireland. (Ridiculous in my opinion) Just be aware you could end up shafted with a large payout if you don't currently pay minimum wages and she decided to take you to court.

Not directly relevant to your problem but if you pay her less than minimum wage I would keep her is sweet.

On the other hand just tell her that she is sitting in your favourite seat, could she please move.

Tar.Aldarion

Is she supposed to know somehow that you want her to use a different tv in a different room away from everybody else?

Orion

mkdon05 wrote: »

On the other hand just tell her that she is sitting in your favourite seat, could she please move.

This kind of sums up all the advice you're getting (apart from shooting her of course). So I think we'll wrap this up before it gets any worse for the OP.