Helping GF with Assignment

ChikiChiki

Ok so here goes. Excuse any typos as I'm writing on mobile.

So my gf has a masters college assignment due for Thursday 22nd and has nothing done so far. I've helped her with previous ones which she has got good marks in. Now with this one approaching and to be handed in on Thursday she wants me to help her. I finished work on Friday for Christmas and I am on my holidays.

I said I would help her with her college work but not to this extent. My GF is non EU and Spanish is her first language so I would be happy to proof read and have some inputs into her college work. My issue with previous assignments and this is that she is expecting me to do a huge chunk of the research and typing for her. I'm expected to spent the next 3 days working and getting stressed out about an assignment that's not mine. The deal was an advisory role at the start and has turned into me essentially doing about 60% of her assignment work.

This morning I told her that if she is not up to it she should drop out and call off the masters for a few years. I love her to bits but think it's a step beyond her capabilities. I told her that I will not continue to do her college work for her and shouldn't be expected to. I got the whole 'but this is what you have to do if we're in a long term relationship'. I called it out as emotional blackmail and said it's unacceptable to expect me to be spending my free time working on her college work. I may aswell be doing the masters myself. We are together 3 years now and recently moved into a new rental place but it is testing our relationship.

This is the first Christmas in 4 years where I don't have my own exams in January. I hated every minute of my own college work but got through it. Any thoughts? Is my reasoning towards this completely valid?

Thanks in advance.

MissFlitworth

ChikiChiki wrote: »

This morning I told her that if she is not up to it she should drop out and call off the masters for a few years. I love her to bits but think it's a step beyond her capabilities. I told her that I will not continue to do her college work for her and shouldn't be expected to. I got the whole 'but this is what you have to do if we're in a long term relationship'.

LOL. No, helping is one thing. Helping a lot is ok sometimes too. That's being supportive and nice, on occasion. Just doing her work for her, especially to the extent that's needed for a Masters is way beyond that. If she can't do the work herself she'll never get through this, it's so, so unpleasant and and life-consuming unless you have both the ability and the drive. Unless she thinks you're going to write her thesis etc. for her in the end too?

baby and crumble

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I told her that I will not continue to do her college work for her and shouldn't be expected to. I got the whole 'but this is what you have to do if we're in a long term relationship'.

Yeah... this isn't the case. What happens when she gets a job on foot of her Masters? Is she meant to get you to come in on your days off to help?

I've supported my GF through a masters and she has done the same with me- we proof read and help with discussing and brainstorming (tbh it's more like we talk at the other until we've figured out our arguments for assignments!) but never have or would I expect her to do the entire thing.

And I hate to say it but I guarantee she's in breach of her college regulations if you're working so much on her stuff. A lot of colleges even forbid proof reading.

ChikiChiki

baby and crumble wrote: »

Yeah... this isn't the case. What happens when she gets a job on foot of her Masters? Is she meant to get you to come in on your days off to help?

I've supported my GF through a masters and she has done the same with me- we proof read and help with discussing and brainstorming (tbh it's more like we talk at the other until we've figured out our arguments for assignments!) but never have or would I expect her to do the entire thing.

And I hate to say it but I guarantee she's in breach of her college regulations if you're working so much on her stuff. A lot of colleges even forbid proof reading.

Her job are putting her through the masters and stumping up the cash. What really annoys me is that she's incredibly capable in her day job which the course is related to but the drive doesn't seem to be there to do the masters. I've no doubt she's a fantastic worker as they have her working on new projects and are giving all the latest hardware she needs along with annual pay increases. It's incredibly frustrating to watch her struggle with the course.

As for you last point I completely understand that.

Tigger99

Yup your reasoning is valid. You've already gone above and beyond.

What she said about it being part of a relationship is wrong and a weird reaction to you saying it's too much. I'd wonder if she'd try and use it again the next time you bring up something that you are not happy with in the relationship. How do you guys normally resolve an argument?

Tigger99

Also she might be a great worker or she might be palming off work on other people, the same as she is trying to do with you.

dellas1979

Getting you to do her work for her (for which her efforts are graded on) is manipulation and is fake. Its not her own work.

I would stick to the proof reading offer, which is reasonable. But any ideas, arguments/constructs, and research should be her own.

Because youve done this before for her (enabling it) of course shes going to be pissed off. I would be too, if I was coasting through a Masters, not putting in the work, but getting good grades.

I'm very proud of myself that I got a Masters while working full time, and juggling a mountain of other things. Why she isnt putting in the work (or want to be proud of herself) is a conversation she must have with herself first, and then with you.

twill

ChikiChiki wrote: »

I said I would help her with her college work but not to this extent. My GF is non EU and Spanish is her first language so I would be happy to proof read and have some inputs into her college work. My issue with previous assignments and this is that she is expecting me to do a huge chunk of the research and typing for her. I'm expected to spent the next 3 days working and getting stressed out about an assignment that's not mine. The deal was an advisory role at the start and has turned into me essentially doing about 60% of her assignment work.

Check what you have written here against the rules and regulations that she has signed up for, or her department guidelines, because I believe she would get in deep trouble if this became known, possibly to the extent of getting thrown out of the course. Apart from any possible sanctions, this is dishonest, unethical and gives your girlfriend an unfair advantage over other students, and I would have nothing to do with it.

With regard to Spanish being her first language, how big a stumbling block is that? Is it just in terms of errors in expression or grammar, or are her problems greater than that?

silverharp

character wise on her part this is bad news, hold firm and see how she reacts. Would you want to be long term with someone who seems to view you as her own man servant? the risk here is that she does her masters and "suddenly" decides that her work draws her back home or to London or somewhere and that you are not part of the next phase.

ChikiChiki

ChikiChiki wrote: »

my gf has a masters college assignment due for Thursday 22nd and has nothing done so far.

Jaysus, I'd think about it if I thought she was making an effort but it's clear that she just wants you to do it for her.

And the 'but this is what you have to do if we're in a long term relationship' remark is the most immature thing I've heard in AGES! :pac:

ChikiChiki

Many thanks for all the replies. I'm holding firm today and haven't done a tap to help her which is causing some tension.

I really think she should just drop the masters for now as her heart is not in it and come back to it in time. Her job will appreciate her as much without it in my opinion.

BTW whilst I am critical of her whole approach to the masters she is very special to me. We've been through a lot together but feel I must to take a stand here even if it results in her failing the module. I refuse to be responsible for that.