Can't seem to make some friends, feeling more lonelier as the years go by..

Kaahee174

Hi guys,

I suppose with seeing a lot of people getting into the Christmas spirit doesn't help as I'm kind of down in dumps

I do come here onto boards & see other posts from people with the same kind of problems, I do notice people advise on here about trying to do activities that involves groups, & possibly develop some friends that way. Like the suggestions of getting out there into groups of activities that I enjoy doing or that I think I would enjoy doing

I love gym work, I do go to the gym, everyone is very friendly in the gym but I always find people either already have mates that they go to the gym with or they prefer to be left alone when doing their workouts

But the problem I have is I've tried over the last few years suggestions like gym work & some charity help to get out & about & maybe make some pals that way and it hasn't worked out for me unfortunately

My birthday is coming up soon, I'll be doing nothing for it as I'll be celebrating it on my own, which is kind of sad

So I'm stuck on suggestions, do I keep on putting myself out there & just try to make some friends that way ? Do I stop & hold back & let fate/nature take its course & if I'm not meant to have friends well then I'm not meant to have friends ?

joeguevara

Maybe give a bit of background about yourself I.e age gender what your into and where you live maybe people could give a few ideas. Btw you are never too old to make friends! Keep the chin up.

Kaahee174

I don't want to give too much away about myself

I'm male, in my 20's & live in Dublin

Just been thinking about it this morning as well, I don't come across as too strong or too over excited when meeting new people, I'm a friendly enough guy though

I'm not sure what's causing me not to be able to make friends, I suppose in looks wise I'd be average looking

I was thinking it could be down to just pure luck ?

Airyfairy12

Like you said there's constant posts on here from people with this problem so I hope that gives you some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in feeling this way.

Maybe your personality doesn't mesh well with others or you dont know how to adjust your personality to fit in with others.. maybe you just dont go out enough or go to the right places where people are open to creating new friendships.

Drama classes might be good for you, they can increase your confidence and social skills and introduce you to new people.
You like the gym so I assume you like being physically active?! why not join a sports team or club like football, hockey, rugby, boxing or get involved in crossfit or another physical fitness centre, they're like a gym but you work with everyone there, everyone trains together and they help and encourage each other, you can also join hiking or running groups or a photography group, look up meetup.ie, people arrange meetups for particular hobbies and interests.

If youre still finding it difficult theres classes in Dublin that do social skills and assertiveness training or you could go to counselling to try work through everything, maybe you're doing something that's preventing you from creating connections with others that you're not aware of which could be worked out through therapy.

You're in Dublin and you should take advantage of that, if you were in a small town, village or rural area you wouldnt have a fraction of the opportunities that Dublin provides, everything that happens in Ireland happens in Dublin so you should really be making the most of that and stop waiting for people to come to you.

Free Falling

Find a nice pub where you can hang out. Somewhere quite where you can chat to the barman and the regulars. Will increase your confidence help you feel less lonely. I realise you're in Dublin and what I'm suggesting is easier in the country but still, give it a try.

Lucuma

For a sporty 20 something year old in Dublin, you can't beat Tag rugby for making friends. They have a mechanism on their website for single players to sign up and automatically be allocated into teams. And you dont' need to have played before. I'd highly recommend it for getting out, social side of it etc

Lucuma

I agree that being in Dublin and being sporty gives you two serious advantages there for making friends!
Another few suggestions for ya:
Olympic handball http://www.olympichandball.org/clubs/
Macra na Feirme southside branch: https://www.facebook.com/trebler.macra.7?fref=ts
There are other branches of Macra in Dublin too

JustAThought

Well you've a couple of good thingd going for you - your fit & healthy & into sport, you sound like a decent guy & you're trying to find a sution so they'll all good positives! The gym is great but in all my years I'vd never madd s friend at any of the gyms I've bedn in . Its always through clubs or volunteering or plaves where you have a commkn bond ; so stay with the gym but also try a club - + 1 for Tag Rugby as it is very social & they often have BBQ's /a drink at the bar after which makes it easier to hang out & meet people & you have something in common to talk & bond over - bery important! Team sports are goid as you may not like all of them but you may hit it off with a few.
There are also groups called meetip.com - they specifically have ones in Dublin for meeting with the purposd of making friends/ going on nights out/ going clubbing & for a few pints/ amd literally hundreds of other themes - some will interest no doubt! You don't want to be stuck with a lode of 50 or 60 yr olds hillwalking so go for the ones that specificslly cater for your agebracket.

Night classes Usually start again in Jan locally - vocational schools kind if thing - usually goid for framing one night a week & you can get to meet people from your area - something light & non work like start a language or cooking - usually full of females too!!

I'd really recommend meetup - I have used them while abroad & knowing noone & they were s godsend - you can drop in & out of them & go to the events ghey organise as you please or not - if you don't like the people Or don't click you just join another group & keep trying til you gel. School & college makes friendships easy because you have a routine & a common bond - you won't become fast friends with everyone you meet on meetup but if you pick a group or theme that has an activity is is easier to have commin experiences to share other than why you are there. They have meet people from other cultures, exchange englush for other language nights, go dining, go on asventure weekends, one to try 'extreme' spirts like kitesurfing etc, just find the courage & go!!

I'd also recommend volunteering thou its harder to suggest for a guy - you're too young to be on a committee with ole wans that's not what you need - maybe coaching but thats usually in a field without other adults or maybe the boys groups in something like Solas - & you meet all the other volunteers too over coffee of course!

But meetup is really a great & better bet!
(And try tag rugby !!!)

Don't give up! Friends are just new people you havn't had the opportunity to meet yet!!
: )

Ursus Horribilis

I've seen "join a gym" thrown out there as a way to meet people in this forum. I'm not sure why, unless I've always had a knack for finding anti-social gyms.

coolbeans

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I've seen "join a gym" thrown out there as a way to meet people in this forum. I'm not sure why, unless I've always had a knack for finding anti-social gyms.

Agreed. I never talk to anybody in the gym. I just do my thing and leave scowling throughout. Not really a place to be chatting women or men up imo.

Clowningaround

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Like you said there's constant posts on here from people with this problem so I hope that gives you some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in feeling this way.

Maybe your personality doesn't mesh well with others or you dont know how to adjust your personality to fit in with others.. maybe you just dont go out enough or go to the right places where people are open to creating new friendships.

Drama classes might be good for you, they can increase your confidence and social skills and introduce you to new people.
You like the gym so I assume you like being physically active?! why not join a sports team or club like football, hockey, rugby, boxing or get involved in crossfit or another physical fitness centre, they're like a gym but you work with everyone there, everyone trains together and they help and encourage each other, you can also join hiking or running groups or a photography group, look up meetup.ie, people arrange meetups for particular hobbies and interests.

If youre still finding it difficult theres classes in Dublin that do social skills and assertiveness training or you could go to counselling to try work through everything, maybe you're doing something that's preventing you from creating connections with others that you're not aware of which could be worked out through therapy.

You're in Dublin and you should take advantage of that, if you were in a small town, village or rural area you wouldnt have a fraction of the opportunities that Dublin provides, everything that happens in Ireland happens in Dublin so you should really be making the most of that and stop waiting for people to come to you.

Very good Advice Airyfairy. Dublin or another big city is great for people who can't make friends. I come from a small town in Ireland and if your not into GAA or that type of thing your treated like a nobody. At least in a big city there's so many people just like you who are having the same problem. Also decide what type of friendship you want. Do you want people you see every other day or just people you'll see/hang out with once a month. Make a list of your likes and dislikes, hobbies/interests etc... and make an effort to find these people and gently ease yourself into a friendship. It's all about effort, unfortunately these things are not about luck. You'll have to do the work, which is the same with most other things in life. Its all work...

Parchment

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I've seen "join a gym" thrown out there as a way to meet people in this forum. I'm not sure why, unless I've always had a knack for finding anti-social gyms.

I was an avid gym go-er for years, never made a friend from it. I obviously got on well with people in the gym and would chat while i was there but those kind of "friendships" are situational and, imo, rarely transfer to the outside world.

looksee

I think what people are saying about gyms is true, but also I think evening classes are much the same, people go and do the course, chat over the coffee break, do more course and go home. Not really much opportunity for forming friendships. I agree that team sports and clubs are the more likely to create a social situation.

It does depend on what you are looking for though. Unless you have friends from childhood or college it can take a long time to turn an acquaintance into a friendship. You could be hanging around with a group for long enough before any personal friendships develop, and sometimes they don't, you just have a group that you are friendly with, but that's ok, accept it for what it is.

Almond87

For sure meetup.com works, as already suggested. There are various groups on different interests and you can try them out and see how it works. A few of my friends were saying they've met great people they ended up being friends with using couchsurfing and internations but I never tried them out.