How do I say this to him?

LegacyUser

Hi all I'm 28 and have been seeing a guy, also 28 for the last month. In that time we have had five dates, all of which have gone really well. I took a year off dating and men recently as I had some really bad experiences where I thought things were going somewhere only for him to stop contacting or to find out he already had a girlfriend etc.
He is cooking dinner for me tomorrow night in his house and I have a feeling we will end up sleeping together which is no problem at all. I really fancy him and feel very contented with him. We have lots of fun together and I'm always so excited to see him. I think he feels the same, well he's told me he has.
Due to my past bad experiences and not wanting to get hurt and humiliated I feel I need to find out what his intentions are, I.e is he dating other girls or just me? I feel I need to know this before I sleep with him as I know for myself sleeping with someone is a big deal for me and because I already like him a lot, I'll like him even more after.
How do I say this to him? I'm not trying to trap him into saying we are going out? I'm also not telling him with a view to saying he can't sleep with other people, more like if he is or thinks he will sleep with other people, then please be honest and let me know so I can walk away.
Any advice much appreciated as I don't know how to say this, but I know I have to do I can feel comfortable about moving forward with him.

suicide_circus

I think youre perfectly entitled to ask if you two are exclusive before sleeping together

Yellow pack crisps

Tell him its been wonderful up until now and you enjoy his company and that now is a good time to discuss at least being exclusive with a view to forming a relationship. Be clear and precise that long term you are not looking for FWB situation but a relationship. Indeed if thats what you're looking for. Better to be upfront before sex what your expectations are.

Aufbau

It might be difficult enough to broach this after dinner in his house. How can he say he wants to see other people when you're there in front of him? How can you say well then I'm going home when he's there in front of you?

Why don't you arrange to go out afterwards? It might be easier over a drink. You could then return to his house or go home as usual with no awkwardness.

Irish_Elect_Eng

It is perfectly reasonable to ask, either from the perspective of establishing the future direction and expectations of your relationship or indeed as a simple sexual health question. Even in a FWB situation it would be reasonable to ask and to make your decisions based on his answers.

Meauldsegosha

Aufbau wrote: »

It might be difficult enough to broach this after dinner in his house. How can he say he wants to see other people when you're there in front of him? How can you say well then I'm going home when he's there in front of you?

Why don't you arrange to go out afterwards? It might be easier over a drink. You could then return to his house or go home as usual with no awkwardness.

I think it would be easier to say it to him in private instead of a crowded pub on a Friday night.

Yellow pack crisps

Aufbau wrote: »

It might be difficult enough to broach this after dinner in his house. How can he say he wants to see other people when you're there in front of him? How can you say well then I'm going home when he's there in front of you?

Why don't you arrange to go out afterwards? It might be easier over a drink. You could then return to his house or go home as usual with no awkwardness.

Well you just say thanks for the honesty, that smells nice, eat dinner and then leg it, would be prudent to waste dinner!

canadabound1

Howdoisay wrote: »

Hi all I'm 28 and have been seeing a guy, also 28 for the last month. In that time we have had five dates, all of which have gone really well. I took a year off dating and men recently as I had some really bad experiences where I thought things were going somewhere only for him to stop contacting or to find out he already had a girlfriend etc.
He is cooking dinner for me tomorrow night in his house and I have a feeling we will end up sleeping together which is no problem at all. I really fancy him and feel very contented with him. We have lots of fun together and I'm always so excited to see him. I think he feels the same, well he's told me he has.
Due to my past bad experiences and not wanting to get hurt and humiliated I feel I need to find out what his intentions are, I.e is he dating other girls or just me? I feel I need to know this before I sleep with him as I know for myself sleeping with someone is a big deal for me and because I already like him a lot, I'll like him even more after.
How do I say this to him? I'm not trying to trap him into saying we are going out? I'm also not telling him with a view to saying he can't sleep with other people, more like if he is or thinks he will sleep with other people, then please be honest and let me know so I can walk away.
Any advice much appreciated as I don't know how to say this, but I know I have to do I can feel comfortable about moving forward with him.

Best discuss it over dinner when you are half way through it or when the moment feels right. Ask if you both can be exclusive as you feel that a relationship could happen.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies. I think I will say it to him before dinner as at least we'll hopefully be able to get on with the night all going well. I guess I just realised over the past week or two that I really like him and for myself I need to find out if we are on the same page with us.
I'm not necessarily looking to get into a relationship straight away and I'm not trying to corner him into saying we are going out but I would like to get an idea from him as to where he sees this going.
If he said he was only seeing me and we were seeing each other with a view to being in a relationship, that would be enough for me at this stage. I just don't want to fall flat on my face and repeat past mistakes.