26 years old, friendless, and still living at home. Am I screwed?

LegacyUser

The uncertainty of my life is causing me to freeze. The loneliness is such a part of my life that I've become stuck accepting it and unable to find the motivation to change it.

I'm 26 and still living at home. I thought I'd have my **** sorted in life by now, but I feel like I'm drifting further apart from that every day. I work part-time online, but the money is nowhere near enough for me to move out of home, especially here in Dublin.

I have a good degree, but I feel really angsty working in an office environment, and thus I've been pretty much avoiding that since my last office job ended. The angst comes from a chronic lack of self-esteem and major shyness I guess, and also a general hatred that took over me when living the 9-5 lifestyle, spending two hours per day commuting. I don't have money to address the self-esteem issues with therapy so it has become an endless cycle of avoiding adult responsibilities and working just enough to get by.

I have two people who I'd call friends on this earth, which is embarrassing given that I've spent my entire 26 years living in the one suburb. One friend is a depressed cocaine addict and the other is a nice guy but also quite negative. All I ever do with either of them is drink.

I have a girlfriend but it's very long-distance (cross-continental), so when we're apart (like now for instance), these issues come to the fore more so than ever. I travel whenever I get the chance, mostly to her country for a few months at a time, and my part-time online work is location independent so I do it there to survive.

But inevitably I have to return home from my travels, because the money is not good enough to be able to permanently stay in her country. To some people, it might sound like a decent enough lifestyle, but the loneliness is what gets me the most.

Not having my **** sorted in terms of career, I can deal with that, although it's annoying. Not having a few people I can count on for a game of 5-a-side football during the week, that's a lot tougher to deal with. I've reached the point now where I have no idea where I could even find a new friend that doesn't involve significant costs.

I'm just wondering, is there any hope for me? Especially in terms of the loneliness stuff? Having more than two or three people in my contact list would be nice. Having options to hang out with people that doesn't involve getting pissed would also be great, although just options in general would be a start, even if it is another few different people who only want to get hammered.

I've traveled a lot of the world, been in some of the most poverty-stricken areas you could imagine, and one thing stands out to me now more clearly than ever--life's problems become a lot easier to deal with when you have a few friends who you can chat with regularly.

So I'm wondering, can someone at my age even make new friends? Are people really that approachable at this age? I'd have assumed most 26 year-olds are settled with lots of mates from university or whatever. Also, when you're introverted and shy as hell, where does the motivation/ability to socialize with new people even come from?

Sorry for the rambling post and thanks for any advice.

tomwaterford

Why don't you get a job over in the country your girlfriend is in??
Like do your part time work online to tide you over etc until you get on your feet over there??

Airyfairy12

Youve travelled and youve got a degree, youve done something with your life this far which you should be proud of. Im your age, a college graduate and also living with my parents, its impossible to move out of home, its just too expensive even with a job and im in a small town far from Dublin, theres no chance of renting in Dublin city or its outskirts.
Like you I can count my friends on one hand and honestly those friends I have dont have other friends besides me and one or two other people, half of the friends I do have I feel disconnected from as theyre so negative so I understand the frustration you feel when a friendship is no longer fulfilling you.
Its so common these days for people our age so please dont get yourself down about it, people drift apart and out grow each other as you get older, your friend circle tends to dwindle, unless youre highly extroverted its hard to put yourself out there and create new friendhsips.

You live in Dublin city, count yourself lucky, theres so many free clubs, societies and meetups that you could get involved in, why dont you join a sports team or join meetup.ie? girlcrew often have regular meetups in Dublin city too or get involved in volunteer work, theres always events and festivals going on in Dublin that need volunteers to help set up ect, volunteers are usually very open to meeting new people and widening their social circles, you'll meet different people of all ages.

Another option could be to work 9 - 5 for a few months, save everything you can then invest it in something, you could do a Celta course and get a good paying job with it in Ireland or another country, potentially moving closer to your girlfriend.

You really just need to put yourself out there, you dont have to be extroverted, just be yourself. Your in Dublin so theres so many opportunities right at your door. Im in a small town where nothing happens, the only volunteer opportunities are to stand on the street with a bucket, I would love to have the options that Dublin city provides. Dont take it for granted.

silverharp

you need to get over yourself a bit, you are freeloading off your parents and not doing anything to build a life for yourself. Either get yourself diagnosed and treated if you have a medical issue or "angsty" just sounds like snowflake speak for entitled. When I was your age I was commuting from 30 miles west of London to a job in east london and was taking professional exams at the same time. What are your parents saying to you?
Your relationship situation sounds kind of messy , chances are she will move on and that would be another knock for you. I dont know what your degree is in but there seems to be reasonable amount of jobs around Dublin these days if you have a practical degree. Get a full time job and an option could be seeing about buying a small property and renting it out and at least living at home isnt threading water, possibly even hang on to the part time work for a year or 2 for the extra cash.
Once you are out of the house every day other things will fall into place. you need to get moving though, now isnt too late but another 3 or 4 years living as you are now and it will be very hard to change.

team_actimel

Did you have a bad experience in the last office you worked in? I think you should give office work another chance, all office environments are quite different depending on what one you work in.
Would you try office temping to start off with? I did it a few years and would recommend it. Then you could decide what type of office work would suit you.

If you want any chance of moving out of home you need to get a full time job. That would also be a great way of meeting people, moving in with those of similar age.
Do you see a future with this girlfriend? Seems like hard work being so long distance and doesn't help with your loneliness.

It is hard to make friends as you get older especially being introverted but I think you should help yourself and get out there and join clubs - music, sport, whatever you're into. No one else can do that for you.

To be honest I think you're wallowing a bit too much in self-pity. You have it better than a lot of people. You're the only one that can yourself out of this situation and instead of overthinking it, just do it. Changes need to be made now.

Rubberchikken

silverharp makes some very good points. only you can change your life. your gf is abroad and you miss her. are there opportunities to work there? have you checked? tbh i'd rather no friends than one who is a cocaine addict and the other who is probably bringing you down with negativity.
i realise that no one can be positive all the time, but some people are naturally negative and can have a downing effect on those around them to the point where it might be better to call it a day.
there are other cities and towns in ireland as well as dublin, rents are a bit less, jobs are there too. could you move to any of them?

best of luck

via4

When I find myself in that kind of mindset I try the baby steps approach. Try not to look at the whole picture just yet. It involves a lot of trial and error and putting yourself out there. People in your age bracket their main social life revolves around work mates as a casual unplanned after work drinks can lead to fun nights out to remember. Get a job and it will broaden your horizons and it will create more opportunity to meet people. The commuting sucks but its part of life its better than sitting at home letting life pass you by and can sleep on a train or bus or do your online stuff during the commute or read a book or learn a languge. Best of luck op