How to stop feeling regret, shame and embarrassment?

LegacyUser

It's a tall order, I know! I find myself getting more and more embarrassed as time goes on, with me regretting certain things I do.

It's partly associated with alcohol, but I wouldn't consider myself a heavy drinker. I sometimes go weeks without a drink, but then end up drinking a bit too much and become more liberal with either what I say or what I do.

I'm normally a bit of a shy and reserved guy, and when I get a few drinks in me, I can relax and be more confident and the kind of person I'd like to be.

The problem is that I sometimes say or do something a bit OTT, for me at least. For instance, I have texted girls at 4am and I end up saying such stupid things. Reading them back the next day is just pure cringe.

Other incidences, non-alcohol related, are when I'm in a social setting, like public speaking, or meeting someone for the first time, I tend to get really nervous and mess up what I'm supposed to say.

I know this kind of thing wouldn't bother a lot of people, and I'd love to be that way, but I don't know how. In reality, I know these kind of things happen and it's not a big deal, but I keep replaying them in my head.

It's gotten so bad that when I get one of these thoughts when I'm alone, I start to swear out loud. I think it's me just trying to get it out of my head.

I know some of you will say that I should drink less, which would help reduce these incidences, but I'd love to just not worry about silly things like this. Maybe it's a confidence issue, but try as I might I find it so hard to be confident about anything!

Is there any way of getting over these kind of things?

Rubberchikken

hi op
there's no easy way to get over the things you mentioned, but i'd start controlling the drink a bit more. it's good that you can go weeks without a drink, but then when you do drink things go a bit haywire. you're aware of this which is great so change that. on a night you're drinking, cut back the amount. then see what happens. if you've a couple of drnks in you, but are in control at the end of the night, then the texting etc might not happen.

you've also got to go a little bit easier on yourself. you realise that you want to do something about all of this and with a bit of time and effort, you will.

keep reminding yourself that others are nervous at times too. as you see things improve, your confidence will grow. as it grows, you'll feel better in yourself and see that you're a decent person and that shyness is not a negative thing.
good luck

Yellow pack crisps

Sounds like anxiety to be honest. Obviously if your drinking is causing this regardless of how often or not you drink then that is something you should consider. Sending unsolicited text messages at 4am is not cool so you should defiantly cut that out.(Assuming they are unsolicited)
An interesting thing you said about gaining confidence after drinking well that confidence is there it doesn't just magically appear, You just have to find a way to access it through normal methods. Put it this way whats better a few hours of confidence with alcohol or spending some time and working on your own esteem issues and coming up with a better view of yourself? I am firm believer these days of healthy body equals healthy mind. A good work out routine can give one a healthy way of getting all lifes stresses and strains out and giving one a clear perspective on things. I wouldn't beat yourself too much over it anyway as we all do dumb stuff but its how we learn from it that truly stops it from becoming a problem.