Australian missing home

Black_Strmo

ok so i haven't really talked to many people about this but here goes apologies if its a long post.

I have been living in Ireland for nearly 3yrs when i first moved here with my now husband it was only meant to be a few yrs i was ok with this and we got married, since then things have changed he will not move back to aus ever and im finding myself asking the questions what if we were to settle in ireland and have kids i wouldn't want my family to be away from the child and i am extremely close to my family hence I don't think i could move away knowing it would be forever. Im so torn as i love my husband but i also feel myself dying a little each day knowing im away from my family what if something happened to my mother and i wasnt around i don't know if i could forgive myself. Im so stuck because i know i have a good guy and he said he just wants me to do what makes me happy and him family is awesome with me but i constantly have a knot in my stomach from anxiety and i dont know that i can live away from my family i thought i could but im not that strong.. Im just wondering if anyone have had the same experiance or any words of advise we dont have any kids or a house so no major ties.

strandroad

Black_Strmo wrote: »

it was only meant to be a few yrs i was ok with this and we got married, since then things have changed he will not move back to aus ever

This sounds very inflexible and is a major game changer. What happened?

Ursus Horribilis

Oh you poor thing. My heart goes out to you. I don't have any words of wisdom for you really because it is a situation which doesn't have any pleasant solutions. I know a couple (one Irish, one Swedish) whose marriage ended because neither of them could live abroad. It was messier than your situation because they had children...

If you're sure you can't face living in Ireland permanently, then I'm afraid you only have one other option. It's easy for me to talk because I'm not in your shoes. But maybe in the long term it would be the better thing for both of you. You don't want to live in Ireland, it would appear. He doesn't want to live in Australia. At the moment you don't have children or anything to tie you. If you split now it'll give you both the chance to hopefully rebuild your lives.

Airyfairy12

If youre not happy living here then maybe moving back home is your best option. Im not in your situation but personally I wouldnt be able to live away from home permanently so I can imagine its very difficult for you, homesickness is an awful feeling. Could you head home for a couple of months without your partner to see how you feel? if the thoughts of coming back to Ireland after 2 or 3 months of being home fills you with dread then you'll have your answer I think. xx

amtc

Not quite similar but I understand your battle. My parents got married in 1970 and the very next day her parents and six siblings went to Australia. She never thought she would see them again. Five years later my grandmother came home to see me.

Times change though. Mam is now retired and was in Australia 3 times last year and twice this year and going again Christmas Eve...Although she hasn't told my dad yet.

But my point of telling you this is she's not settled anywhere. Which is OK for her at 68 bit not OK for a young marriage. It'll only drive you apart.

amtc

Just to add I am so close to my Australian family...we're on viber with my cousins in America as well. I'm the eldest so I am the only one who's met all them
Which led to a funny situation this week when we all met up but no one had any phones so I was standing on Fitzwilliam Place in a red coat and boots as a visual landmark. I got some offers
I also viber my aunts frequently and my nana as with dementia she still knows me.
I Have cousins in Dublin I haven't seen in years
Distance isn't really an issue


I do get what you're saying. My mam says she'd love just to wander down Henry St and bump into her sister and go for a cuppa.

But I am so close to all them even miles away

osarusan

You'll have to work out whether your relationship is worth more to you than your desire to live in Australia and your family.

If it turns out that you'd be willing to end the relationship so you could return to Australia, then your husband will have to ask himself the same question about Ireland. Who knows, if he is faced with losing you, then maybe moving back to Australia wouldn't be such an issue.

I don't think there is any right or wrong here, just conflicting attachments that are very deep.

Just don't issue any ultimatums unless you are prepared to live with the results.

And don't have kids (or even buy property) until it's all sorted. That would complicate thins immeasurably.

Chocolate fiend

I really get you but, a bit in reverse. I am in Australia and my husband is also Irish. We are in Sydney, life is great, the weather is amazing, we have the best of facilities on our doorstep, the schools are amazing, and Sydney harbour is only 5km away and has so much to offer all year round.

However we moved here 4 years ago, for 2 years. We have been home once during that time (2 years ago) and I have an ache so similar to what you describe every day. I am anxious and I worry about what is going on at home with my family. I had a horrible bout of homesickness a few months ago when I would spend all day imagining my parents house as it would be right that minute, seeing it in the dark, thinking of them all asleep in there and missing them like crazy. Spending hours crying every day over it. At the same time nobody knew that, I kept it very private and never even told my husband much about what was going on. He has no emotional attachment to Ireland, he moved a lot as a child, and also his parents do come visit, while mine never will.

That horrible feeling did pass, and I really hope it never gets that bad again because there were days I just wanted to hop on a plane and get out of here. I felt trapped and could see nothing good about where we are.

Adding to the complications we have 3 children, we had them when we came here, they now have friends and little Aussie accents and really don't know anywhere else as "home"

I am torn and conflicted and don't want to stay forever but, I know that my children would have a better life here apart from having an extended family around.

So after all that I have no solution for you, but, you are not alone. I understand the yearning for home, I get it. It is somewhat intensified by Christmas for me, I sort of skip over it a bit, Santa comes and everything but, I try to ignore the fact that everyone at home will be meeting up and exchanging presents etc.

It is a hard conversation to have with your husband for sure, why is he unwilling to go back? What changed?

Minera

Sit down with your husband and show him your post, don't give up on him just yet. And don't be too upset if he gets annoyed at first give him a chance to see it your way