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Alcoholic - family member - what to do

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  • 11-12-2016 8:13pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Family member is alcoholic. Has always been a heavy drinker. But getting out of control. Drinking bottles of brandy / vodka / gin , weekly / daily.

    If ever confront, defensive. Everyone elses fault.

    Stubborn at best of times. Can be abusive (verbally).

    What to do?. Hitting dangerous point. Worried for their health and for risk to others.

    What are options to help?

    What do I do?

    What are referral options?

    Are there private clinics?

    Any places of recommendation?

    Would their health insurance cover?

    What do we do?
    Thanks.


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    #2
    .......
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,057 ✭✭✭.......


    This post has been deleted.


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    #3
    juno10353
    Registered Users Posts: 539 ✭✭✭juno10353


    Contact Al Anon alone or with others who are effected by the drinkers behaviour. Al anon helps give you the clarity needed to address your situation. Talking to others in the same situation can help you see your path clearer and learn some of the tools which habe worked for others. You can never change the other person, but you can change your actions or reactions to that other person. Best of luck moving forward.


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    #4
    Jerome77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 64 ✭✭Jerome77


    Al Anon


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    #5
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,809 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    regardingstuff wrote: »
    If ever confront, defensive. Everyone elses fault.

    Stubborn at best of times. Can be abusive (verbally).

    You can do nothing. Referrals to hospitals, treatment centres, health insurance etc can't make somebody take help. They won't be admitted involuntarily, and they're not going to voluntarily go to their GP admitting they have a problem. Not yet anyway.

    Without realising it, you are probably all 'enabling' them. Making it easy for them to continue drinking. Tip toeing around them? Organising things for them that they aren't in a fit state to do themselves? Bringing the to/collecting them from the pub? Every family does it. You adjust to fit the alcoholic in.

    Al-Anon has been mentioned and if you want to do something practical, it really is your only option. Al-Anon is not for the alcoholic, it's for those living with them. It won't change them, but it should give you a place to realise that! And it will give you a place to figure out tools to handle it.


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    #6
    Oxter
    Registered Users Posts: 304 ✭✭Oxter


    It would be worth phoning AA's helpline. 018420700


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Cheers to everyone who has posted. Some foodays for thought. A lot of things unfortunately true. Thanks for info on al anon . HAve never heard of before.


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    #8
    The flying mouse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,915 ✭✭✭The flying mouse


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057658188

    There are numerous support type services in that link Op


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    #9
    IamtheWalrus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,075 ✭✭✭IamtheWalrus


    If he won't help himself then you can do your own analysis. Drinking heavily is a form of self medication. Try watching his drinking habits / triggers / routine. See if you can get to the root of the problem. Why is he drinking heavily? Recent bereavement, family row, emotional suppression, health, isolation? If you can get to the bottom of it you can try to help him. It could be a cry for help. Men of the older generation have major emotional suppression. It's really sad and if our generation has any positive impact, then de-stigmatising mental health should be one of them.


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    #10
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    IamtheWalrus wrote: »
    If he won't help himself then you can do your own analysis. Drinking heavily is a form of self medication. Try watching his drinking habits / triggers / routine. See if you can get to the root of the problem. Why is he drinking heavily? Recent bereavement, family row, emotional suppression, health, isolation? If you can get to the bottom of it you can try to help him. It could be a cry for help. Men of the older generation have major emotional suppression. It's really sad and if our generation has any positive impact, then de-stigmatising mental health should be one of them.

    You will starve yourself holding out to determine a root cause. An alcoholic will just throw reason upon reason on it.

    Op, If they don't take the assistance you are offering seriously, think about how much this is going to affect you. You need to put a limit on it, for your own sake.


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    #11
    noel100
    Registered Users Posts: 358 ✭✭noel100


    Nothing you can do.
    Had this issue with my own father, he eventually died from cirrhosis .
    My mother died jan 2007 and my father feeling sorry for himself took to the brandy drinking a litre + a day.
    Didn't matter what I said or did trying to stop or help him I got pure abuse, because he was greeving his pain was more than mine.
    My father was always fond of a tipple and my mother was able to control the purse strings. All that was gone when my mother died .
    The jackeen came out in my father and not a member of the family could talk to him or persuade him to change without being insulted.
    We were left watching him slowly die an agonising death due to his alcoholism.


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