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Can't accept having lost relationship

  • 09-12-2016 11:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Just wondering if anyone can offer an opinion on my situation.

    I've just been left after two years in a relationship with the girl that I was sure was the one. We're both in our late twenties, had lots in common, similar jobs, just connected very well.
    Both our jobs are stressful and often require considerable time apart & the last few months have been less perfect than it was before.

    Last week she ended it saying she didn't have romantic feelings for me any more and was to stressed with everything else in her life (lots going on outside the relationship) to tag me along.

    Thing is, she hasn't done anything wrong - I can't fault her for feeling how she does and she treated me amazingly during the relationship. Because of this, I'm finding it very hard to accept that the relationship is totally done, though I think it is in her head. I can't bring myself to take down photos of us, clear out memories of us or even stop chatting with her on facebook.

    Will I just accept it and move on as a friend eventually or do I need to do something to hasten it? It would kill me to see her with anyone else, though I doubt that is on the cards for her any time soon if what she told me was true.

    Any advice would be massively appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    racso1975
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,273 ✭✭✭racso1975


    lostitnow wrote: »
    I'm finding it very hard to accept that the relationship is totally done, though I think it is in her head.

    I'm sorry to say If its over in her head its over. Everybody gets over relationships differently so nobody tell you what will work for you. I can tell you continually contacting her and looking at pictures on social media etc wont really help. The same with your pictures and memories around the house I presume. I'd say take them down for the moment and store them away.

    In relation to her and future relationships. It is unlikely she checked out of the relationship the day she broke up with you. Very possibly it was in her head for a while figuring out how to tell you, could it still work etc etc. If that is the case then she very well move on a lot quicker then you think. She might not go straight to another relationship. What if she decides to have a few one night stands? This is where it becomes a problem staying in touch or looking her up on facebook etc None of what she may do is wrong or is any of your business but it will hurt like hell!!


  • #3
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,914 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    She has no romantic feelings for you. Regardless of all the other stressors in her life at the moment, she could easily meet someone in the coming weeks or months who she will have romantic feelings for and then you are left sitting on the sidelines, watching, or worse, dropped because it's "no longer appropriate to be in regular contact with her recent ex, out of respect for her new relationship". It happens. A lot.

    I think, for your own sake you are going to have to massively step away from her. Delete her from Facebook. Even block her so you're not tempted to keep checking up on her. You simply can't be in regular contact with her AND move on. It might seem selfish. You might think it'll hurt her feelings a little, and maybe it will. But, at this stage you need to be a little selfish and think of what's best for you. And what's best for you is a clean break. At least just to give you the time to adjust to her not being a part of your life. If she's always there in the background, then she's always there, and it will be holding you back. You'd be heartbroken to see her in a new relationship, so maybe out of respect for her feelings you might avoid meeting someone else. And then, eventually she will be in a different relationship and you're right back at the beginning of all the hurt and upset.


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