Friend problem

LegacyUser

Hi there,

For a bit of background, I recently moved to a new town for employment where I know absolutely nobody. As you may understand I have been trying to get to know new poeple etc but it hasnt been going very well for me.

Since I moved here I have been house sharing with others and as it happens I did make friends (or so I thought) with a fellow housemate. This was very encouraging for me as I do find mixing difficult due to shyness and I thought it was perhaps the beginning of settling into this new town and getting to know more people. It was decided a while back that we would go out one weekend due to a festival that was taking place along with another housemate. I was actually really looking forward to this only to be told at the very last minute that he couldnt make it that he had a birthday party to attend in his hometown and could not get out of it. Needless to say I was very disappointed. It just felt that he didnt want to go and it was an excuse to get out of going. The other housemate had other commitments during the day and I decided to not continue with it as to be honest he was stretching himself to come out

To make matters worse the following weekend the housemate stayed down and went out without saying anything to me. I felt that after the previous weekend that he could of said something.

I had been trying to get going places e.g by asking to play sports such as tennis squash, go to quizzes etc but it has fallen on deaf ears really nothing has come of it.

I have now given up trying but its now beginning to affect my frame of mind. I feel that its unsettling me quite a bit and Im really feeling unhappy where I am at the moment. People will say to me to stick with it but after a year now I really dont feel that this is working out at all for me.

Should I ask again? If I do does it sound as if Im begging? Should I consider moving new house/new location/ new job? Im not particularly happy here and my experience here hasnt been the best so far?

DoctorBoo

I think you're doing all the right things and I think it will work out if you continue with it.
One thing I would do differently is restricting yourself to socialising with your flatmates. I get the sense that you are quite dependent on them, and on one of them in particular.
When I am in a house share situation, I don't like to socialise too much with my flatmates. You see enough of each other at home! Maybe your flatmate is feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the invitations. If I were you, I would use a site like Meet Up to meet other people. That way, you can have a social life and maintain a healthy relationship with your flatmate. It's not that your flatmate doesn't like you, I imagine they just want some space.
Best of luck.

miamee

As DoctorBoo has said, you are doing the right things in asking people to do things with you. However don't rely on just 2 people, cast your net a bit wider. Also - don't be afraid to do things by yourself. Don't sit in every weekend just because other people are busy - you are not busy so get out and about. Even doing that much will make you feel better about yourself than sitting in looking at the 4 walls.

leggo

Yeah OP, just to echo what people are saying. You're speaking about your housemates a bit like you're in a relationship with them, which would suggest you're slightly too dependent on them. And they probably pick up on that and are pushing away a little because of it. Don't stress too much about it, like people have said you're doing everything right, just push yourself a bit more to meet others and have a wide array of people so you're not overly-dependent and it'll be grand.