PND &feeling loss

Aveen

As the title says I have pnd and don't know how to tell people. Part of me wants to tell a friend but she has enough on her plate. Plus I don't want to be felt sorry for, just support. I had/have gender disappointment but got over that to so point. But both SIL had the sex I want which is so hard. My husband a black/white guy and doesn't wish to talk about third child. I feel I've just let him make decide ever if I'm not happy he said two and that's it.
I have little friends and we don't get to meet up every often and I spend huge amount of time on my own with two under two.
Just wish I could get over this quickly.

LegacyUser

Hi Aveen

Im sorry you are feeling so down at the moment.

You really ought to seek professional help at this stage, this should make a difference. Your mental health needs to be looked after. I have seen some of your posts in the june 2016 club and i feel sad for you, please talk to someone

Just in relation to your gender disappointment, I really dont think you mean that. I would like to think you dont. Both sexes are just as good as each other, be grateful for a healthy baby, there are people who would give their eye teeth for a child, and a healthy one at that. Please seek professional advice, your children need you well

zoe 3619

Two under two is very hard work.
Both need fulltime attention,but unless they're twins,their needs are very different and it's hard to keep on top of.
It's very isolating as well,because the little ones are so demanding that there's no breathing space to be cultivating freindships .
If you feel depressed see your g.p.This is fairly common,and they won't be judging.(or if you don't feel comfortable,any g.p will do)
Check out mother and baby groups in your area.Great way to meet people in the same situation as yourself,and maybe make new friends.
Or treat yourself,and put the kids in a creche for a couple of hours while you have an unencumbered coffee with a friend or a shower/nap in peace.
I found it a really hard time,but it passes quickly,and then you're on to a whole new phase of playgroup/school.
As to the gender disappointment...well,I would have prefered the other for my second child,but I fell in love pretty quick,and wouldn't swap for anything.
As to your husband not wanting a third,he's probably feeling overwhelmed as well...

irishgirl19

Hi you should contact a charity called nurture. They offer great support. Best of luck x

eviltwin

realisticlyspeaking wrote: »

Just in relation to your gender disappointment, I really dont think you mean that. I would like to think you dont. Both sexes are just as good as each other, be grateful for a healthy baby, there are people who would give their eye teeth for a child, and a healthy one at that. Please seek professional advice, your children need you well

I know you mean well but this isn't helpful. Gender disappointment is a real thing and nothing to be ashamed of. It's comments like the above that make parents feel ashamed of how they feel and less likely to reach out for help. OP it will be okay, you will come through this but do talk to your gp about it and get the help you need.

ShaShaBear

eviltwin wrote: »

I know you mean well but this isn't helpful. Gender disappointment is a real thing and nothing to be ashamed of. It's comments like the above that make parents feel ashamed of how they feel and less likely to reach out for help. OP it will be okay, you will come through this but do talk to your gp about it and get the help you need.

Agreed, totally unhelpful and just a comment designed to make a mother feel more guilty about herself and her own thoughts. I didn't do a very good job on hiding my disappointment when I found out I was having a second girl, but I did get over it and bond very quickly - however I am very sure some mothers don't and perhaps never do if they do not get help.

OP the tone of your post comes across as very desperate and "last straw", please seek help from a friend, family member or GP. Your public health nurse would be another option. Please don't let this go unchecked any longer

Aveen

So I wrote my first post just after my first counselling session (which was so hard). I'm on meds but feel they may need adjusted. Been speaking with GP about this.
Has of gender disappointed, I'm so angry at myself of feeling this, my poor wee baby, I wouldn't change him if I could, He's perfect! But I feel guilty & ashamed when I think I just want a girl too.
Thanks for the support but just can't understand why I have these feelings & I don't want them at all.

I completely understand people would give anything to have a baby and healthy at that, this makes me feel more selfish because of that.