Going to see a counsellor-what do I say?

LegacyUser

Hi all, just posting here in the hopes that someone has been in a similar situation and can offer some advice.
I'm 30, female and single and had been debating for a year or so about going to counselling. I had a difficult childhood and I think some of my issues haven't been resolved or spoken about and are still affecting me to this day. I will try keep this short as I am just looking for some advise or maybe others experiences of going to counselling and how it helped.

I have a very difficult mother who I suspect suffers from bi-polar depression. She has gotten really nasty with me numerous times and called me horrible names-fat, useless, everyone laughs at me. As I result of this I never had much confidence in myself growing up and I always remember being a very lonely child. At the same time I was chatty and would mix pretty well with others but inside I always just felt I wasn't good enough. My other sibling is much older so I never really spoke about this to anyone. At this stage I am just angry and can often find myself quite upset when I see cousins/friends and their mothers and none of them know how it was for me growing up.

I always feel like a put up a mask. One friend knows the extent of my relationship with my Mam but she doesn't know that a neighbour attempted to sexually abuse me on a number of occasions. Sometimes I feel that nobody knows the real me. I would often be the friend that people come to for advice on relationships and other issues and it's like I know all the answers to everyone else's problems but when it comes to my own, I'm a joke. I've often thought that I suffer from depression but then a week or two later I am fine and really happy and content.

I have gained more confidence in the past few years but I still feel that I have so far to go. There are so many emotions going around in my head that I am just worried when I see the counsellor I will come across as being really all over the place. I went to counselling years ago and it really helped but in the last few months I feel as if I am slipping and I feel unhappy a lot of the time. This has me really anxious as I bottle things up and never tell anyone how I really feel. At a family event a few weeks ago, my mother was in really bad form and when she is like that she can snap at any stage, as was my uncle and I guess I was the one trying to hold things together and have everyone get through the event. I managed that but I've felt so low ever since- it seemed to take so much effort to keep other members of my family calm and relaxed that it ended up in me being really anxious and on the edge.
I'm single and would love to meet someone but I often wonder if they got to know the real me they probably would run away. I would be strong for so long and when something happens and it literally kills me to let anyone see me cry. I am just so used to dealing with things alone but I don't know how long more I can keep it up for.

How do I explain this to a counsellor? I don't know whats wrong with me but I know that I'd prefer to see them about my issues than let other people in my friends or family know. I'm just nervous about the first session that he/she will think I'm being stupid and there's nothing wrong with me and I just need to cop on.

scriba

howtosayit wrote: »

How do I explain this to a counsellor? I don't know whats wrong with me but I know that I'd prefer to see them about my issues than let other people in my friends or family know. I'm just nervous about the first session that he/she will think I'm being stupid and there's nothing wrong with me and I just need to cop on.

Hi OP,

I would say to your counselor exactly what you said here and take it from there. It sounds like you're at a point where you know something isn't right, and that you want to tackle it head on, which is really great. It took me years to get to that point, and I found engaging with counselling at a point when I was ready to do so very beneficial.

I felt going into my first session that I wouldn't be believed, or I would be dismissed, and that what I had to say wouldn't be important. It actually took counselling for me to understand that these thoughts were not valid, and that my experiences and feelings were very real and deserved to be listened to and discussed. I promise that yours deserve respect also.

You've been very brave and strong to carry all your burdens to this point, and live a life despite your mother's cruel and bullying behaviour. Discussing how you feel with a counselor could really help you manage the aftereffects of your experiences.

I hope everything works out for you.

ivytwine

Your post struck a chord with me OP and I can identify with a lot of what you've written. You deserve a break and I think this is a very good idea.

As the poster said above, I'd say tell the counsellor what you've told us here and go from there.

The very best of luck to you x

LynnGrace

I agree with previous posters OP.

It also might help to jot down a couple of things beforehand to help you to get started.

All the best and take care of yourself.