Saying no without being rude

Melisandre121

I have a friend who lives kind of far away so when we meet up she always asks can she sleep over. I say yes but I don't like it, I like my space and I feel trapped having someone in my house for hours, but I don't know how to say no without offending her? I also hate having someone else in my bed. I know I can say I'm busy, but then she'll try organise it for another weekend. If we don't do a sleepover, she also presumes we'll be hanging out in my house but I'm not too happy with that either. When I meet friends I like to get out and about, not spend my day off work in my house. I ask can we go out, but she usually says she doesn't have money because she's out of work at the moment.

It's getting a little annoying.

Any advice on this would be great.

Makapakka

What if you travelled down to her for the day and travelled back the same day?

ongarboy

It's an awkward one but maybe try and arrange meet ups for a couple of hours only and then say you have other things to do before and after the meet ups (errands, household chores, favour for a sibling, parent, relative, xmas shopping, clothes shopping, exercise because you're too tired during the week at work to do it etc). This will help prevent the situation of her just hanging around.

She cannot deny you that and she can't prevent you from doing things that cost money just because she can't afford it. You're working hard all week to earn money so you deserve to enjoy it at the weekend (be it lunch in a cafe, buying a new outfit, going to the cinema etc). If you have other friends, try and make arrangements with them for going out etc and invite your friend along if needs be but if she can't afford it, then that can't be your responsibility and will be a good excuse as to why you can't meet her that afternoon or night etc.

I think rather than saying no outright, a defined couple of hours (2pm - 4pm) to meet up should suffice. She can't accuse you of avoiding her then.

orthsquel

Melisandre121 wrote: »

I have a friend who lives kind of far away so when we meet up she always asks can she sleep over.

Is she travelling specifically to meet up with you? Or is she travelling to the area/place you are in for other reasons but meeting up with you as part of it? Is it costing her a lot to travel down (public transport) or in her own car? Has she previously organised her own accommodation? And when you generally meet up is it always her travelling to meet you, or do both of you travel to eachother's places?

Do you get asked in advance if she can stay over, or is it like you're put on the spot at some last minute/late hour and can't say no? Do ye make plans of what you're doing in advance that she knows you want to do to X and then prevents you from doing stuff you want?

Birdsong

How about meeting half way did a few hours, or lunch time,which should reduce the need for staying over.